Would You have stayed if You knew the Truth?

Here it is! I don't think that I will get much agreement from the audience, but I am not a firm believer that you are what you attract. Take a moment and let this sink in. Could a person in their right mind, meet an individual and this individual says that I am cheater, abuser, user, and the pit-of-the-Earth and after hearing this; this person would remain in the relationship or continue to get to know this individual? I don't think there is a level of desperation that could be so low. Yes, we see couples on the back end, with both men and women slumber to a codependent level and unfortunately develop a horrible misconception that the abuser is the best situation for them. However, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Relationships are very critical and should take time. I am very guilty of rushing into a relationship, but I know better from mistakes. So how can you and I filter the truth, from self-righteous false doctrine we hear it on the first few dates? We have heard it all before! The role of the victim and the violins are playing. This person did everything right in their last relationship! We have to take our time and just let situations play out; because actions speak so much louder than words. In my humble opinion, monitoring a potential spouse in various situations will display everything there is to know before moving forward.

It is essential to take a long road trip with the potential spouse. Every level of patience comes out during a road trip. If he or she is sharing, the journey will display it or the complete opposite will surface. I could care less of the response and I just want to add a quick footnote by saying if the man asks the woman to drive during anytime of the trip; ladies, get a new man. A man's job is to provide comfort and security. A woman behind the wheel of a car while a man is present on a long trip is less of a man and more of a woman at discomfort (unless he is hindered and unable to drive). Women are so quick to prove their independence! Well, take an "L" in this subject and put his azz behind the wheel and make him drive. This is not up for debate.

Always a very bright idea to see your potential in the company of his or her friends and family. This has to happen at some point before the couple reaches a "serious" status. The things I said in my head after meeting some of my exes family members. Sparing the details, but it is not a good feeling knowing that your recent purchase is nonrefundable. Its important to see people interact with the woman and men of their families. Monitor their ability to socialize and potentially resolve any conflict. Conflict resolution is very important in relationships and not that the potential spouse's level of reasoning is important, but to see how he or she channels energy when dealing with difficult situations is key as well.

Try to be with that person when they are dealing with difficult times. Life will not stop after the big commitment between the both of you, so attitude in all situations can be very important. Is this person sad when the chips are down, or are they happy when the waters are calm? Be weary of the flag that unfurls in every blowing wind (Semper Fi, no pun intended). We are told so many things during the "honeymoon" stage of dating and it is not common for many to unfold their cards on the table and make a request to deal with the full truth. Yes, too much too soon could be damaging, but honesty is always the best policy. Seeing this person through different times would hopefully display the same character.

If this person drinks, please make every effort to see them intoxicated. Nothing like liquid courage to display a person's true side. Now everyone may not drink, smoke or whatever they do as a relaxing pass time. However, measure that person when they are intoxicated with something! I truly believe that we attract stage players and performers when we first meet them.

I am going to kill that theory that we attract what we are. I fail to believe that people desire misery, confusion and ill will in their lives. I do believe that people prey on the opportunity to take advantage of others without a second thought. Now there is a major difference from someone not laying on as much charm as they did during the first meeting, vs someone showing a completely different toxic manner that is distasteful to the opposite party. If everyone told a remote truth of who they really are, would we stay?