Work It Out

Have you ever had something that you completely despised for a period of your life, only to try it again when you got older and realize that you actually liked it?

For some, it could be referring to types of food. Veggies that you used to push around your plate or feed to the dog can become your favorite side. (Not brussels sprouts, though. Nothing will change my mind on that.) Or it could be genres of books, movies, TV shows, or music that change.

For me, the thing that is forefront in my mind is working out.

When I was in high school and college, I was extremely active. Volleyball a couple of days a week, with occasional tournaments. Ballroom dancing every Sunday night at my University's activity center. Walking across campus to class when I was too early or too late for the bus was normal, and didn't bother me - except in August, when it was a hot Mississippi summer. And, of course, performing in musical theatre kept me on my toes.

Starting my career as a teacher changed those habits. I moved away from home and was far too busy to seek out a ballroom dance club or a community theatre to participate in. I got some movement in from the daily grind of teaching, walking throughout the building and the classroom as I taught, but it was nothing like I was used to.

Though by this point I thoroughly hated exercising, I had several stints of working out and dieting, though these attempts were completely unfocused and usually fizzled out over a month. Some of it came back in 2020, when I was teaching virtually from a chair in my bedroom and knew that I needed to balance out my inactivity. But as I returned to teaching in person, dealing with the energy required to teach in an actual classroom, working out tapered back off.

I thought I'd get back into it last year, feeling like I was gaining weight and also just wanting to feel better about myself overall. I started out by walking through a nearby neighborhood until I discovered a trail that followed a river around the corner from my house. I was frequently on that trail, pushing myself to walk faster while listening to audiobooks or enjoying the nature around me which helped fuel my inspiration.

Over that summer, I worked on a college campus which required a lot of walking - though, I kept finding myself out of breath, feeling sick, and having chest stitches. I thought at the time that these were just symptoms of being out of shape, and that they would get better if I just exercised a little more.

While visiting my teacher mom, we walked from where my car was parked to a local park to fly kites. It was normal for us to just walk around the city and talk, so I wasn't worried about the walk and bit of exercise. But I felt myself feeling overheated, and felt faint by the time we reached the park. I had to sit on a blanket she'd bought and wait while her son went to a nearby store to get me a waterbottle. It was something I'd never experienced before, and it wasn't until a month later that I discovered that I was anemic.

Over the months following my diagnosis, I tried to find a balance of working out and not overdoing it. I'll be honest, I was terrified of fainting again and didn't want to push myself too hard, too fast.

Finally, after surgery in January and an improvement in my iron levels, I felt safe pushing myself a little more. I would rhythm box or play Just Dance on my Nintendo Switch, and went back for walks on my path. After awhile, I challenged myself to visit my apartment's gym and walk on the treadmill, especially when the weather wasn't that great.

When summer came, and I wasn't working a summer job, I knew that I would need to exercise again to offset the sitting I was doing during the day. I used the time to build a habit, hopping on the stationary bike and reading for a solid hour. That wasn't too bad, I thought; getting some reading done was always a positive.

Over this time, I slowly began to gain weight. I noticed that some of my clothes were a little more snug, and things that I once loved, I didn't want to wear for fear of showing off all my insecurities. But I knew that I had to be careful. During the summer I'd hidden my scale from myself, because I had a tendency to focus more on the numbers on the scale than how I felt. I knew that the key to my success would be to focus on being healthy overall; watching my portions, eating more fruit, focusing on whole-body exercise and not just cardio.

And, so far, it's working. With the aid of knee braces (being in your thirties is rough, sometimes) I've been able to up my resistance on the stationary bike. I've been more committed to eating fruit on a daily basis, and I've even started using dumbells and occasionally the weight machine in the gym to add to my overall workout. I go on hikes with my boyfriend. The last time that I went to the doctor, I was happy to see that my blood pressure was down.

And, to my great surprise, I've found myself looking forward to my workouts. I'd thought to scale them back once school started, but I actually work out four to five times a week, now.

I still have a ways to go, but it helps that I'm not solely focused on weight loss. I just want to be healthy and happy. And honestly? That's what I am.