Winter Doubles

Cold surrounded us but there was nothing we could do about it. It's winter and neither one of us thought to bring a coat. Standing across from me Michelle waited for her moment as she watched people going by. When she's looking round it usually means she waiting to scream or shout and all I hoped was she wasn’t going to start yelling at me, because that usually lasted for hours.

"Jesus! Why didn’t you bring a coat?" Michelle's voice rang out across the dark of the night and I stood completely bewildered by what she said.

“Was I meant to?” Speaking seemed to drain out more of my energy as I began bouncing trying to warm up any part of me that I could. She had begun to stare at me and wasn’t moving any more but the expression on her face told me exactly what she thought about what I said.

People continued to cross us but all I wanted was to turn around and go home but we promised the lads we would wait here for them, I’d never known them to be late but we have been here for half an hour. That’s probably Michelle’s fault though, she always likes to be early rather than later and so do I, however, leaving an hour early for a twenty minute walk is a little stupid, especially in winter.

“Where are they?! Seriously, I’m going to call them.” Michelle began tutting as she usually did when she got bored but for some reason she seemed especially ticked off tonight. She began pacing as she reached into her extremely tight pockets and pulled her phone out. As soon as the light of the phone hit her face she flinched backwards as if she hadn’t expected it to light up.

Stupidly I began to laugh as she darted me the ‘death stare’ I attempted to calm myself but instead I began to laugh louder but one final look made me turn from her and cover my mouth. As I looked up from the floor I could see the boys had been approaching us very slowly, maybe they saw how angry she was and needed to check she wasn’t going to eat them for keeping her waiting.

“Hiya!!” I shouted before they had the chance to run away which seemed to deflate them as they picked up the pace. Michelle brushed past me and stood with her legs spread wide open and her arms crossed. If she was trying to be intimidating it wasn’t working. I didn’t make it any easier though. I’m a very masculine woman and that takes away from how strong she is sometimes and I never want her to feel she can’t do something because I act like a dude most days.

Getting closer they looked like dogs with the tails tucked in between their legs but before they reached us their attitudes seemed to change drastically. Maybe they could see that I wasn’t angry but they should still feel fearful because when Michelle is hungry the whole world would run away. She becomes like a demon and would probably be as dramatic as to start eating someone next to her.

“Looking good ladies!” Adam always was the enthusiastic one but tonight he seemed more drained than usual, maybe they had been… busy before this. It would make sense to be honest, it’s how they are. They were holding hands but something still seemed to be bothering them but at the time it felt weird to press them about it.

Michelle began to grumble at them but it sounded more like a growl as though she was about to start yelling and kicking, but it would be more accurate to say she'd be kicking and pulling hair.

Adam and Paul were complete opposites but they fit together so well that it made every other gay couple feel ashamed that they couldn't meet the same standards. Paul had long hair that was always in a man bun but it was always loose and made him look really fair and pretty. Pretty isn't an insult because he preferred it, pretty made him feel good so that's always how we saw him. Though his clothing was strangely tight, he always accentuated his ass but it made Adam happy so I couldn't appose.

Adam though, he was always strict with how long his hair would get. Only the top of his head was allowed proper hair and the sides were almost completely bald but there was still that shadow affect that looked awesome on him. Fashion wise though he would wear simple clothing items and could make it work so well. A simple white shirt and jeans was all he needed.

"I thought you would have left by now." Paul's voice was joking and yet seemed serious as though he didn't actually want to meet them tonight but it seemed strange that the lads would drag them out and then want to cancel. Michelle seemed to pick up on it as well as she relaxed immensely and just turned to start walking towards the restaurant.

Michelle looked different from all of us. She's beautiful, elegant and aggressive. Basically a hypocritical personality but knowing her was worth the occasional argument. She even looked different from us. We are all pale white and have basically no color on our faces other than the makeup we occasionally use. Adam and Paul are better at it than me but I only wear makeup on nights out like this and even that was toned down or dark. See Michelle was toned but not of a different skin color, but it suited her and she had no idea where she gets it from because both her parents are paler than pale just like me.

One of the main things I love about her is her hair, it's soft and fluffy like a sheep but she always has perfect curls in her hair that looks like something out of a commercial. It's brown fading into blonde and looks so beautiful in any lighting but in winter it was the best thing to see snowflakes sticking to her hair. Beautiful. On that front we are opposites because I have flat and straight hair that is plain black but she always says that there are other colors mixed in there somewhere, I never see it.

Even our fashion is different. She will experiment with what she's wearing but I am comfortable in my jeggings and plain long sleeved T-Shirt. Even though we are worlds apart from each other in taste we seem to just click well.

I stayed with the guys for a little bit longer but they were looking at each other as though they wanted to tell us something or just cancel all together. After noticing I was still there they began to smile but after being friends for over ten years I knew they were forcing it.

"Come on then, I guess we have to brave it." Adam tucked his arm under Paul's and with their arms linked they came up to me and we continued to walk together.

As we got closer to the restaurant all we saw was Michelle leaning on one leg and tapping her foot aggressively as though it was going to make us walk any faster. If anything we slowed down. I knew I was going to pay for it later but for now my focus was on my friends. Something was wrong and they didn't want to tell us.

"Come on! In the time it takes you to get to a table I could have eaten a three course meal!" Michelle's patience had worn out but we just started to walk slower, pretending we were old and couldn't hear her because annoying her was funnier than anything else that would happen tonight.

Finally reaching her made us all laugh and even she joined in for a little bit but as soon as I caught her she changed her expression to something sour or bitter, which ever makes her seem more like an ass-hat.

It took us a second to find a table for all of us but I was the happiest as I got a corner seat and we got a booth with the actual couches in. Something felt more private about being sat here but either way if people were bored at their own table they would listen to another person's conversation. It's a comfort thing and everyone I know seems to get it, which is nice.

"So what happened?" Michelle wasn't going to make tonight easy and to be honest I hoped they could just tell us what is happening so we can sort it and move on. We usually operate that way, so why would this be any different? She leaned her elbows on the table and rested her arms flat but crossed over as she looked between Adam and Paul. The sudden tension was making me feel dizzy but the boys weren't sure whether to talk or not.

"Whatever it is... it's just best to tell us about it." When did our roles change? I'm usually yelling and forcing people to be direct but tonight that role goes to Michelle and I'm left acting like a mum trying to tell their child they're not angry at them.

Everyone continued to exchange looks in silence but we were the stronger couple when it came to things like this. It's definitely a problem with me because I never back down so I have to choose when I'm going to get into something and if someone had hurt them I wouldn't be able to back down at all.

"It's really nothing..." Paul spoke first and look as timid as a puppy who pooped on the carpet. His head was down but Adam was looking straight at him as though he was admitting to a crime. Paul's shoulder slumped over and the hair behind his ears fell forward and into his face.

Michelle made a noise that I'd never heard before but it sounded like a balloon deflating and it was terrifying for the seconds that it went on. Adam and Paul were staring at her now as she began to stare each one of them down, neither one daring to look away. Something had got into her and honestly... it was kind of hot.

"Just tell us." She'd slammed her hands down on the table and was brushing over it as though soothing it from the beating she had just given it. Biting on her lip her head panned over to me and I swallowed hard. Was she looking for approval?

Continuing to look at her I forced the best and softest smile I could muster but I probably looked like a serial killer. I don't smile often so faking a smile is so awkward. Slowly I looked back to the boys and Adam seemed to be sending Paul signals with his eyes that he was rejecting. Why didn't he want to tell us? What was it?

"A guy had a go at us for being gay!" Paul shouted, in the way that Paul shouts, which basically means talking slightly louder than normal. As soon as he said it relief seemed to wash over him but me and Michelle were more confused.

"Paul!" Horror shot across Adams face as he yelled at Paul, which was an actual shout. Paul's face shot up to look at Adam and he looked as though he was going to cry.

Michelle drew her arms back off the table and gripped my hand in hers, whenever she heard about homophobes it made her really sad because she couldn't understand why they could hate us. Usually when we would talk about it she'd say that 'we weren't any different' and 'why should we be treated differently' but I'd always corrected her and I always will. We are different but it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's who we are and no amount of hate or shaming could change that.

"Did he hurt you?" My voice seemed to cool everyone off for a second but Michelle was clutching my hand tighter than she ever had. We haven't dealt with a lot of hate or aggression against us personally but if our friends were hurt, we were hurt too.

"Oh God no Lily! We walked away as soon as he started, but he kept following us, that's why it took us longer to get here." Adam had dropped his head, whereas Paul had started looking between me and Michelle. His expression stayed somber but he seemed shocked that I had asked him about it, had he expected us not to care?

Michelle was properly looking down and she realized that she was feeling guilty about being angry at them earlier but how would she have known? Adam put his head back up after looking slightly to the side so it was obvious they were holding hands too. It's comforting so what was wrong with it?

"Well, it's over now and we can move on." Adam was good at dismissing situations he needed to and he was used to it because there were many things Paul didn't like talking about so he'd grown used to having to divert the conversation or shut it down entirely.

"Exactly so... let's get food and lots of alcohol!" Letting go of Michelle's hand I grabbed for my phone, we can order the food and drinks from the table, which is a God send for situations like this because I hate having to get up (I'm lazy). Beginning to get the app up I could feel the tension starting to disperse as Paul and Adam started to relax.

Suddenly I felt Michelle's hand on my thigh and smiled at her as she got her own phone out to order. Her face had softened but her eyebrows still furrowed as she contemplated how things could have gone better. Gently placing my hand on top of her seemed to cool her off entirely as she began to sink into the couch.

Something seemed to have caught Adams attention and the tension on the table grew larger again. Looking over to me forced me to see something was wrong but it was too late for me to do anything as the problem reached the table. Adam and Paul were facing the entrance so whoever it was noticed them straight away.

"Of course YOU'RE here!!" An older looking man decided to grace our table with his presence and instantly we figured out what was happening. Without thinking I stood from the table and began moving Michelle into the corner. If this guy was going to take a swing at anyone it would be me.

"Sir, I think it's best you leave us alone." Looking down at us made me want to defuse the situation rather than escalate. If I could get him to walk away it would be a victory but I wasn't afraid to defend my friends if it came to an argument.

Placing his hands on the table he began to lean down, keeping his eyes on both Adam and Paul. Adams arm went round Paul but I wouldn't let it get to the point that they needed to get involved in a fight. Paul looked as though he was going to burst into tears because he knew he couldn't escape this confrontation.

"You don't deserve to live! You're disgusting!" Almost spitting the words at them made Adam flinch, he was ready for a fight but I knew that wouldn't end well and we needed to deal with this quickly or Paul would be traumatized for weeks but so would Michelle. She’s not used to this and if a fight broke out she would be afraid to go outside again.

A while ago, when we were talking about ‘coming out’, she told me that when she came out as gay she was always afraid that someone would arrest her or attack her for it. Recently we have been doing really well and I don’t want her to retreat into being afraid of everyone again.

"And you're drunk. You need to leave. Now!" I wasn't shouting but I wasn't entirely calm either. Something told me this wasn't going to end well but I couldn't turn away, I needed to show them it was okay for us to exist because there is nothing wrong with us. Hopefully someone from the staff will remove him but I had no doubt that they were more likely to just film the fight. It's so wrong but if it can be used against him then I don't care.

Turning on me I finally got a good look at his face and he was nothing special so if we deserved to die, he deserved to go to hell. He had a dirty beard but his face looked tired and the rest of him seemed as gross as his beard. He smelt terrible and being even this close made me want to throw up and almost gag.

"What does it matter to you?!" Every word was slurred and pathetic sounding but he was loud enough to finally grab the staffs' attention all I could hope is that someone would move him along. Even if he did leave his nasty smell would probably stay at the table for the next hour, that's if they wanted to stay.

"We have every right to be here. Male and female couples can be snogging each other's faces off and not a word gets said to them but we are just sitting or holding hands and you think that means we deserve to die? How dare you?!" Something snapped and I couldn't stop myself, no-one has the right to tell other people their rights and if they do then shutting them down is the best way to go about it. He doesn't know us. He can't talk down to us and not expect us to defend ourselves.

After a second his face began to contort as he was thinking it through but it doesn't matter what I had said to him at that moment. Nothing seemed to go through him but if he heard even one word of it, it was enough. Staff members seemed to be culminating at the bar and as I stood in defense of my girlfriends and my friends I realized why other people would do this so publicly. It may end up only impacting one person within the whole restaurant but even if it impacts one person it is a victory because that one person can pass it on. Just like a game of telephone.

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave." A male staff member came up from the side of us and was standing to the side of me but just the symbolism of it made me want to cry. He was standing on my side, our side and that meant everyone here was too.

"Whatever!!" He seemed to be here one second and gone the next but he definitely stormed out. Anyone who wasn't aware of what was happening now knew. Everything was silent for a minute but as soon as the staff member smiled and began walking away people went back to talking, gossiping and whispering about whatever.

Turning back to the table I looked to everyone one by one. Paul looked relieved that he was gone and any color that was on his face was gone but he also looked like he was going to be sick and cry at the same time. Adam was staring at me but when he heard Paul snuffle he turned back and instantly drew him into a hug.

Michelle.

Her eyes glazed over and I couldn't tell if she was offended or proud. I didn't want to ask because either way it would make me cry too. So much for my secret masculinity.

"You okay?" My voice was quiet and I meant it to be pointed at Michelle but I said it to everyone on the table because everyone was shaken up in some way or another. Adam turned back to me and began to nod but Paul kept his head down, not wanting to risk us seeing his ruined makeup.

I sat back down and Michelle shuffled closer to me and I took the opportunity to jump back over her to the corner. Adam had his arms on Paul as he tried to stop himself from crying as he made ugly faces but all it did was make Adam laugh. In reality my attention wasn't on them. Michelle had her hand on my thigh again and her hand relaxed in mine.

"So what we ordering?" I smiled at everyone and the tension faded again as we sunk into comfortable conversations and pushed aside what had happened to continue with our lives. Fun times were going to roll through the rest of the night and we didn't mention the drunken homophobe again.

In the future there may be a moment or two where we think back to this night but we will remember the positive things about it. We will remember having a good night out with our friends. His comments may get us down from time to time but if we stay together we can work through it.

We are different and that is good.

Love is love and nobody can tell us that we are wrong.