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Why You Should Leave Toxic People in Your Past

by Amanda Doyle 4 years ago in friendship
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Let go of the people that cause you pain.

Photo by Roberto Nickson

In order for us to grow, we must make tough decisions. Where do I want to go to school? What do I want to do for the rest of my life? One of the most important questions is this; are the people that I surround myself with good for my health? The answer might seem obvious - yes. You might say that having friends is good for me, no matter what. I need to surround myself with people, because everyone needs companionship to survive. I'm here to tell you that you may not always be right.

I've encountered some toxic people in my past. Some friends, some lovers. Sometimes our relationships don't work out the way we want them to, and people's attitudes start to change. It's human nature. If you feel threatened in any way, you may start to become defensive, and that even happens with people you're closest to. But we aren't meant to keep ourselves in these bad situations and suffer through the pain. Like I said at the start, if we want to grow, sometimes we have to cut the tether loose. It's painful, and it's scary, but it's always worth it.

As we grow, I believe that we grow out of certain people. Someone might be so good for you at a certain time in your life, maybe to help you learn something or get through something. But as time goes on, things start to change. People start to show their true colours, or something happens to you that turns you into a different person. Perfect matches may not be so perfect anymore. It's okay for this to happen. We have to learn to accept these failures in our relationships and learn how to move on. I'm not telling you to give up every time an inconvenience happens, but don't torture yourself in a relationship that really isn't doing anyone good.

During a particularly complicated period of my life, I had a friend who I was super close to. We were best friends, we spent all of our time together, and we even lived together. Then I met a guy. This guy wasn't good for me, and put me through the worst situation of my life. I barely made it out alive. But right when I first met him, I was head over heels, and this caused a rift in the relationship between me and my best friend. I wasn't around a lot anymore, and that was my own fault. I was being sucked in by a very controlling person, and I was willingly letting it happen to me.

But my friend got jealous, and angry, and she would get upset when I wouldn't come home or when I would spend time with him. I understand that she felt like I was leaving her behind, and I was guilty of putting a guy before my friends. But it was my first relationship. It was the first time a guy had ever told me that he loved me. It was for the wrong reasons, but he seemed like everything I needed. Not only was I blinded by this, but he was taking advantage of the fact that I was naive and in love, and pulling me down further into the chaos. Soon, my friend and I stopped talking. I moved out, and we haven't talked since.

I see this as a situation of bad circumstance, and everyone was in the wrong. He was wrong for what he did to me, for taking my freedom from me, for abusing me the way that he did and making me believe that I didn't need anyone else except for him. She was wrong for abandoning me when I needed a friend the most, and not hesitating to leave me behind and end the friendship when I truly didn't know what I was doing. I remember trying to apologize over and over, and they weren't always received well.

I was wrong for putting someone else in front of someone I truly cared about, but I also feel conflicted because I was under someone else's thumb. We all make mistakes, we all do things that aren't right, and I wish I could go back and tell her that it wasn't me who was pulling the strings. I wasn't the one who wanted to leave her behind. I felt like I had no choice, because she was so quick to not want me anymore, so why would I try for someone that had already given up on me?

The moral of the story is that relationships are complicated. Shit happens, over and over and over. Sometimes you need to let people go, even if it hurts them. I see now that she needed to let me go for her own health. I wish that things could have turned out differently, and I wish all the time that I had never met this man who sent my life spiraling out of control. But we can't change the past.

If you feel like you're stuck in a relationship with someone who isn't good for you, who makes you feel horrible and guilty, and who points the finger more than they forgive you for your mistakes, maybe it's time to leave. I've been the toxic person and I've been the person affected by it. From both sides, toxic relationships are bad for your health and will do nothing but cause pain. Don't allow yourself to be trapped in something that only hurts you.

friendship

About the author

Amanda Doyle

Amanda is an intuitive energy reader, freelance writer, and mystic being. She is always striving to thrive spiritually and mentally, in the unknown amount of time that we're given on this planet.

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