Why Polygamy is for women

When most people hear the word polygamy, what often comes to mind are religious polygamists in Utah, or the desire for many men to have access to multiple partners, but what we don’t often hear about are the benefits for woman and how, when implemented healthily, polygamy can be a sustainable form of relationship for many women in society.

Polygamy in West African countries

Historically in Africa, when men went off to war and didn’t make it back home to their villages, the men that did return would take on the responsibility of being the husband to the wives of their fallen brothers. They’d take on the responsibility for their children so the widowed families could have access to resources, a stable home and protection. Often times, these decisions were made with the careful consideration and respect for their first wives at the forefront of their minds.

Today in many west African countries, polygamy is common and legal, and many women participate because under the societal and social laws of polygamy, it is the husbands duty to make sure all wives are cared for equally. If you buy one wife a home, you must buy the other one a home of equal value. If you buy one wife a new car, then you must buy the other one a car of equal value. If you give one wife a number of children, you must be able to give the other wife the same amount if she chooses.

Polygamy is for women

In a modern take, what many men believe when they think of being in a polygamist relationship, more specifically in non-religious groups, is that they will have access to as many women as they want. They will have access to sexual, emotional, and homemaker like favors from a myriad of beautiful women with a myriad of fun and different personalities.

Which definitely is a benefit for men, but what most people don’t realize is that if polygamy was truly implemented into society, women wouldn’t just suddenly be with any man because it’s lawful. The women would start gravitating to the wealthiest men with the most desirable qualities, and who have the capabilities to give them the resources they need in exchange for the caretaker abilities that these women would offer.

Which in turn would mean there would be an influx of men with a particular status( or lack there of) who won’t have access to women at all! Not even one wife! Unless a woman really loved and admired them, and that was enough for her to sustain a long term relationship with them.

For Example

Let’s take Dwayne Johnson as an example. If Dwayne Johnson has enough money to support twenty wives comfortably, then that takes twenty eligible women off of the market who would live happily knowing that her future and the future of any of her offspring is taken care of in exchange for her commitment to their relationship. That’s, of course, considering that Dwayne Johnson also has the communication and mediation skills, and emotional and mental capacity, to even handle that many people under his care.

And that goes for any man with a semblance of status, resources, or desirable genetic qualities. They would be able to have as many wives as they can support, and since more women would have a greater chance of being one of these affluent mens’ wives, there would be more women gravitating towards where these men are, which in turn would leave "less affluent” men behind.

Nature supports Polygamy with a woman being the Primary partner than it does a man

Let’s flip the script for a moment. Let's say that we have more women being the majority of primary partners and having multiple husbands. Nature supports this more than it does the reverse .

The argument I hear a lot in certain communities is that it’s in a mans “nature” to have multiple partners and “spread” their seed. If that’s the case, then women are the natural regulators of society, and it’s within a woman's nature to regulate the population. A man can have sex with 100 different women in a span of nine months and create 100 babies. An influx of so many babies equals more people to use up resources faster than the earth can produce them, create more waste, carbon footprints and contribute to pollution. And that all contributes to ecological degradation and higher risks of disasters and pandemics.

A woman can have sex with 100 men in a span of nine months and still only produce one baby.

Households would run more smoothly

If polygamy was practiced with a woman being the primary partner, households would run smoothly due to the men bringing multiple streams of income into one household. The combined income would relieve the stress from both men of having to be the primary financial providers for a single household, or multiple households, on their own.

The woman would be the natural regulator for how many children would be born into the family, and she would be able to delegate funds needed for the household.

Traditionally, men and women have been valued for different things in a relationship. For women, they value men being able to provide, protect and support. Men have valued women being homemakers and caretakers and being able to support emotionally, mentally, and sexually. While in today’s society many men would find it difficult to provide enough resources to care for multiple women comfortably, with women being the primary of a polygamous relationship, they are most likely able to provide comfortably what most men value within a relationship. Emotional and sexual support and caregiver roles. (This is all assuming that all parties in the relationship desire to operate in the traditional gender roles that are held in society.)

In Conclusion

Of course to have a healthy polygamist relationship is much more complex than the surface level conversations that we have. The primary partner must have great communication and mediation skills and many of us as people still have trouble communicating with our own family members and expressing our own thoughts.

Maintaining a polygamist relationship is a HUGE responsibility and takes a lot of mental and emotional capacity.

I think the conversation surrounding polygamy can oftentimes be one sided on purpose, but if we can learn to be more open and honest about what we’re looking for in relationships and what we want, they will begin to develop more naturally.

Everything is a learning process.

What are your thoughts? Would you ever try polygamy? why or why not? Do you think if it was implemented in a different way it would get a different response? How so?