Why I Became Miserable After Becoming a Father - Ayoola Ayoola

Nollywood actor Ayoola Ayoola is opening up about the depression he felt after becoming a father, and how it led him to almost take his own life. Here's what he said about it, and how he feels about it now.

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Speaking about the depression that followed after he became a father, Ayoola said:

AYOOLA AYOOLA: The time it happened, I wasn't prepared to be a father. I didn't know what I wanted from life. Youthful exuberance at the time, I was still trying to find my feet, trying to figure out what I want from life, why I was here. I mean, how to navigate the waters of life, I didn't know and I'm now supposed to cater to somebody? Somebody's life can be made or ruined because of me? Like, direct blood. How? My father is a pastor, I'm the first child, and then there was that disappointment that I felt. That I felt like I've let my people down. Having a child out of wedlock? At what age? Your father is a pastor o! Of course my dad was not happy with me at the time. I got very depressd. I almost took my life. It was one of the lowest moments of my life.

I was so blinded by the seemingly negative sides that I didn't see the blessing in it. My dad asked me a question, "how are you going to take care of this child? We're here for you but do you have a plan?" Things were just upside down for me at that point. I remember staying in my room for five days, not coming out, not eating, or anything. And somehow, Victor Ademofe, a trumpeter, got an inkling in his spirit to come to me. So he left where he was somewhere on the mainland and came all the way. He came all the way, came to the room, and held my hands asking "what's wrong?" In tears, I was bawling, and I don't know how I articulated it, but he said "I know, I've sensed it in my spirit, now let's go eat." Reluctantly, I took a shower and went to eat. I didn't automatically feel okay, it was a gradual process. After that, I remember Samklef had a studio next to me, and I would go there just to be around people. It was one of those trips back from his place, what if I just end it right now? I was actually in the middle of the road, and you know when you're calculating when to cross, I deliberately miscalculated so I could be hit. But then, the fear of going to hell made me move away so the car only brushed me. All that happened, and now I look at the little handsome young man [his son] and I think really? This is what I was about to miss? Whose life I was about to destroy? Sometimes it's good not to take actions in a moment. It's a difficult thing to do but sometimes, that tiny little second can change your life.

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