Why Don’t We Argue Anymore?

How I miss our daily quarrels over teeny-tiny issues of no value. Sometimes, for hours together, we were mad at each other.

It was always I who was wrong. That’s what you always said. Were you telling the truth? I am sure you did. I’ve realized it now, after so many years.

You were only being a caring wife. You said that, with love and care, also comes anger and frustration on the part of the loved one. I couldn’t understand it back then. I thought you were outright arrogant and egoistic, but now it all makes sense. Those were all just different shades of love, weren’t they? They were.

I was such a nasty headache in your life, wasn’t I?

But you fell in love with the headache, didn’t you? Why did you?

Every man is given a very luxurious opportunity only once in his life to meet an angel on earth. Just once. That was you for me in this life.

So, it’s not that I picked you, it’s the other way around. You picked me.

You brightened my life each and every day, just like how the early morning rays of the sun spread hope and dream throughout the world. Yes, you were my sun. You were quite hot at times, so it actually burnt me. It did. But I was too naive to know why you were so.

When you said I had to be a bit more loving and caring, I took it very personally. You weren’t asking much, were you? But I argued badly and said that you were expecting too much and that I was already giving you my best.

When I look back, it only brings tears to my eyes now thinking about it. Was asking for more love and care too much to ask? No, not at all. But my egocentric attitude thought so. My male being made the most common blunder most male beings have made and still do. I am ashamed and have a pang of painful guilt.

Like many women, you didn’t ask for materialistic luxuries or expect expensive presents. You only wanted me to make you feel loved. You only anticipated more attention. You expected more kisses and cuddles, but not diamonds and pricey holidays.

But I ignored everything, thinking you were given what you deserved. My male being’s brain was probably a bit retarded back then. No, I am sure it was a bit retarded. Because I’m now able to look back and shed tears of loss, tears of longing to travel back in time to be with you as a changed being, tears of how life would have been if I had listened to and respected your simple needs and desires.

When I look back at everything that was so big back then, it all appears so small and senseless now. All my showcases of anger, ego, arrogance, and worthless male attitudes look so dumb and idiotic.

Why don’t most people realize this early on in their relationship that a problem may appear huge now and that time has the magical power to heal anything and everything? Why don’t people stop and take a long, positive breath every time things go out of control?

Why was I destined to be like an ordinary Joe and face the most common consequence of losing a beautiful angel to someone else? Why wasn’t I destined to spend the rest of my life with someone who truly cared for me and my well-being?

You tried your best. No, it was more than your best. You should know this. You gave me a million opportunities to put myself on the right track.

I’ve learnt my lesson. I’ve learnt that I could have been more patient and more understanding of your love and care for me. I’ve learnt that arguments are part and parcel of any relationship and that it’s always best to give more of everything good that’s asked for, without any hesitation.

I’ve learnt that I’ve lost you forever and that I’ve got to be the man you’ve always wanted me to be. I promise you that I will do my best even though it will be a life without you by my side.

I will patiently wait for this life to be over so that I may get another chance in another life to cross paths with you. When that happens, I will not be the headache I’ve always been as I’ve already crossed paths once with an angel. That’s you.

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Thank you for reading.

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