Why Don’t Relationships Work?

I recently heard the expression ‘Trauma Bond’, and decided to look it up on-line. The explanation covered abusive relationships and why the abused partner would stay in a toxic relationship.

I was hoping it meant something different, for example why does a person feel drawn to suffer the same trauma over and over again. Perhaps my story may help a few people recognise what may be going wrong.

Many years ago I attended a lecture where one of the students asked the Astrologer “why don’t relationships work?”

“Ah!” he said “ah, that’s a big question.”

That’s a big question

“What you have to realise is that when two people meet they try to establish whether they have anything in common. Are they compatible with each other? If they’ve had similar traumatic experiences, sometimes they think they’ve found their ‘soulmate’, but in actual fact, all that has happened is they’ve found someone who has the same problem they have.”

We were all riveted, I’d never heard it explained like this before. He went on “lets take an example. You meet someone who has a terrible relationship with their mother, and you have a terrible relationship with your own mother, it’s natural for both people to think at last, someone who understands me!”

We all nodded, “but they are the worst person for you, because all you will do is constantly reaffirm why neither of you can get on with your mothers, and then you’ll both be stuck. Neither person can see it’s their own attitudes that have brought them to this dead end, and neither of them has got the perspective to fix whatever is wrong.”

“What is actually needed” he said “is someone who gets along with their mother, loves their mother for the person she is, and helps the other person see how to improve their relationship with their own mother.”

He then went on to tell us a story:

“It was the first, and probably the last time, I appeared on television. The programme was looking at how people can resolve their marital problems by seeking help from a relationship counsellor, a palmist or an astrologer. We were the panel of ‘three experts’.

The couple had recently left their spouses and started living together. The man had been married for 25 years, the woman for a few years. They were a Boss and his Secretary, (who was 30 years younger than him).

The relationship counsellor said it wouldn’t work because they had hurt too many people. The age gap was too great, and that it would be difficult to find happiness and acceptance with each other and their families.

The Palmist gave a similar opinion, and then gave them some advice.

The Astrologer’s view

But the Astrologer — Oh WOW! He told us what he had said:

“The man was obviously a very successful business man. When I look at his chart he has a planet in almost each house around the zodiac, which makes him very adaptable, and likeable to a great many people. But one of the houses in his zodiac wheel is empty.

Then he looked at the woman’s chart. She had all her planets in just one house, (it’s called a stellium) and this is the one house that’s empty for the man.

So, this man, who has probably felt that there was something ‘missing’ all his life, because of this empty house, meets this woman and…Bingo, the missing piece of the jigsaw!

This is probably the most compatible chart I have ever seen. These two are perfectly aligned to have a very happy relationship. Both people have the qualities in their birth charts that the other person lacks. They can both become complete human beings when they are with each other.”

He also said, after the programme, the man couldn’t stop shaking his hand and thanking him. All his family were against the union, but he just ‘knew’ she was right person for him.

The producer of the programme wasn’t at all happy with him, that’s why he thought he’d never be invited back!

I hope that makes sense, think of the other person as the missing jigsaw piece in the picture of your life.

If you are facing such an issue in any of your relationships, and it’s not possible to leave, perhaps the way forward is to find a friend who doesn’t have the same difficulty. Try to see where they’ve managed to successfully negotiated the minefield of that relationship, and have cleaned up their ‘mess’.

It has been said that the next pandemic will be mental health. Reading the great stories on Vocal may help to broaden your perspective, and get the most out of life.

Thank you for reading to the end, if you liked this story, please consider leaving a heart.❤