Why do some people seem friendly, but like to keep to themselves?

　　Why do some people look friendly, but they always come alone? The most highly praised answer on Zhihu said in a nutshell: "Treating people friendly is cultivation, solitary is character."

　　Seemingly, I am such a person. Usually do not like to have conflicts with people, try to avoid unnecessary disputes, and peace and harmony are the way I have been adhering to the world.

　　Even if the other party deliberately picks the right and wrong, I also try to restrain, unless it touches my bottom line.

　　To say that I am alone because I have too many things to do, endless books and movies, and a large number of social events to attend. People who are not related to me do not have the need or energy to make small talk with them. But what I can do is, in the need for social communication, I can quickly switch state, into the outgoing flirt mode.

　　You can see that I am alone, there is likely nothing to talk about with you, does not mean that I am alone, I am likely to play with another group of friends is high, just you are not in my circle of good friends.

　　From a psychological point of view, extroverts like to be in a crowd and enjoy being the center of attention. When they are alone, they often feel bored or restless. Introverts prefer to be alone or to be with only one or a small group of people. Too many people around them can be too draining. As I mentioned in my previous article, you can think of personality tendencies as a spectrum, and introversion and extroversion are the two ends of the spectrum. This means that people will have different degrees of introvert and extrovert tendencies.

　　In our perception, introverts are perceived as loners and always treat people coldly. Extroverts are always cheerful and always warm. This is not true.

　　It is the education we receive, the time we live in and the environment we live in that affects how we behave and how we treat others.

　　Most of us are not completely introverted or extroverted. Introverted people learn how to deal with people because of their upbringing, education, and family factors. People with extroverted personality tendencies may also become slowly inclined towards introversion because of their ever-changing surroundings.

　　How people socialize is mainly controlled by the brain's production of dopamine, a hormone that makes the brain feel comfortable. Each of us has a different release of dopamine in our brains, which can produce different levels of stimulation in our cerebral cortex.

　　Those who are naturally easy to stimulate are introverts and will try to avoid any additional social stimulation as much as possible because it may make them feel anxious as well as tend to consume a lot of energy.

　　Those who are naturally difficult to obtain stimulation belong to the extroverted type, because getting less stimulation will make them feel bored, so they will seek additional stimulation as much as possible.

　　Most people's stimulation level doesn't reach any one extreme, it fluctuates so that sometimes you feel the need to do something to seek stimulation, and other times you feel too much stimulation and want to suppress it.

　　Why do some people seem friendly, but like to keep to themselves?

　　1. Not withdrawn, but selectively social

　　When you think someone is a loner, it doesn't mean he doesn't have his social circle, or maybe you just haven't entered his social circle yet.

　　As we grow older, we experience more and more things, we slowly and know which people are worth our time to interact with, and which people are just general friends, the premise of all interactions depends on whether the people around you are to your liking.

　　Before I saw a sentence, "only part of the people gentle, the rest depends on the mood!" I think it's a good idea.

　　2. Solitary is to give yourself more time

　　After interacting with people for a long time, more or less, we will feel tired. After all, everyone is different, and the pace at which we move forward is also different.

　　Whether you are at work or school, do you encounter a situation where you are asked?

　　"Who's going to dinner?"

　　"Me, give me five minutes!"

　　Twenty minutes go by, "Okay, let's go!"

　　I'm already too hungry ...... maybe once or twice we can accept, but encounter such a situation several times?

　　When I was in school, my physics teacher made a statement that is still fresh in my mind today. "If I use up all that waiting time, I don't know how much I can do."

　　At that time, I was still young and thought how the teacher was so indifferent, but today I look back and see that it was just because each of us had a different pace.

　　We always need plenty of alone time to recover from the fatigue and energy spent on interacting with people. Or take that time to do what you want to do and determine at your own pace if you need to set aside more time for yourself.

　　3. A friendly person who is also an introvert at the same time

　　Such a person can be very friendly, because of the educational environment, and family influence, so that he becomes a person who is not rude, good habits tend to make him can not treat people coldly. But he is an introvert who prefers to be alone and does not like to spend too much time with people or socialize too much.

　　Because for introverts, the desire for solitude is not just a preference, it also affects health and mood.

　　Introverts need time to recover alone because of the social pressure and communication that takes a lot of energy. Long-term depression can allow negative emotions to build up, which can trigger a larger reaction.

　　I would like to conclude by saying that social well-being comes from the quality of social interaction rather than the quantity, and the depth of communication rather than the frequency. I am not a solitary person, but I pay more attention to the quality of my friends.