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Why do people have low self-esteem?

In family relationships, parents need to have the right educational philosophy

By Haas TashPublished 2 years ago 5 min read
Why do people have low self-esteem?
Photo by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash

But all human beings have more or less low self-esteem because everyone wants to live a better life and become a better person. To some extent, inferiority complex can drive the development of human society.

If the inferiority complex is so severe that it seriously affects daily life and interpersonal communication, then it is necessary to seek psychological treatment.

To solve the inferiority complex, we must first trace the root cause and find the psychological root of the inferiority complex, so how is the inferiority complex formed?

In the field of psychoanalysis, the first emphasis is on the family of origin, so let's first look at the gifts brought to us by the family of origin.


Parents who are too strict

Parents who are too strict have very high demands on their children, and no matter what they do, their children will never be able to meet their parents' demands, and they will have the feeling that "I am not good enough". If the environment is too stressful, they can not meet their requirements, and they will collapse, into a very helpless and powerless state. They often have a sense of incapacity and worthlessness, even if they are already very good.

Children who are suppressed are afraid to express their needs, afraid to perform, and they tend to be self-deprecating, have a strong sense of frustration, and are often in self-denial.

Children who have been spoiled by their parents since childhood are also prone to low self-esteem. Parents spoil their children, but at the same time subconsciously are trying to express to them, "You are incapable, you need my care," so the child will have a sense of powerlessness, lack the ability to think and act, and have no sense of control over themselves.


The Anxious Parent

Anxious parents send the message to their children that they need to be careful, that the world outside is dangerous. They tend to interfere with the natural rhythm of their children, interrupting what the child is doing autonomously, and the child will give up his or her autonomy.

The feeling given to the child is very powerless and he will feel worthless and incapable. Such a child will suppress the hidden state within himself about I want to be appreciated, I am worthy, I am free to play, generating negative perceptions that will develop in future interpersonal relationships.


Parents who are too indifferent

Parents who are too indifferent tend to be self-centered and neglectful of their children. They are often unresponsive to their children's needs, and for their children, the land of unresponsiveness is desperate. Such children may develop better resilience as adults, earn some money, and gain attention by giving money to their parents and being nice to them.

Their marriage may be married to someone who is not as good as they are, and the requirement for the other person is that the other person is good to them yet in the process of getting along they always feel the desire to be dissatisfied, and then they will keep complaining and complaining, and the other person will avoid it, causing a vicious circle, and the relationship between the two will become more and more distant. But if you don't express your dissatisfaction and suppress yourself, it often causes somatization symptoms, and serious cases can cause depression to occur.


Sibling rivalry

Sibling rivalry varies according to the order in which each child is born in the family, and each child plays a different role. The effect of birth order on a person's personality.

Often the first child bears a lot of parental expectations, after growing up is often a very responsible and responsible person, in the career will also be very hard, before the second child was not born a few years, the first child enjoys the treatment of the only child, all the love of parents to him, the second child was born, if the parents will focus all the attention on the body of the child, for the first child After the birth of the second child, if the parents focus all their attention on the youngest child, the first child for the first child cold or neglect, it will cause the first child a huge psychological frustration, they will feel a deep inferiority complex, some families find that some older brothers (or sisters) have beaten younger brothers (or sisters), then it is time to reflect on whether they care too little about the first child, he is hating the younger brother (or sister) stole the love of parents. In some cases, the situation is too serious and the parents still ignore it, and this is likely to sow the seeds of psychological disorders.

After the second child is born, he will use his older brother (or sister) as competition and try to surpass him with the encouragement of his parents. If the second child is the youngest, it is likely to be spoiled by the parents, which will then produce the inferiority complex mentioned above. If there are many children in the family, the youngest child is not only easy to be spoiled but also often because he is too small, with him are older siblings and generating a deep sense of powerlessness.

When children grow up, the first social unit they enter is school, and school has a great influence on them.

According to Erikson's theory of eight stages of personality development

3-5, 6 years old is the stage of active guilt, if the development is smooth the child will explore the way to start to act, if this stage is not developed smoothly, the child is prone to feel guilty about actions and thoughts. Nowadays, children are usually sent to a kindergarten at the age of 3. Whether the kindergarten teacher loves the child and has the right educational philosophy will largely affect the development of the child's personality, and there are now many borderline traumas that start in kindergarten.

From the age of 5 or 6 to 12, it is the developmental stage of diligence versus inferiority, which is the elementary school student stage. If this stage is well-developed, the child will develop a sense of competence, if it is not well-developed, the child will easily feel inferior and have no sense of control.

In many children's families of origin, parents do not have the right educational philosophy, it is necessary to rely on school teachers to help children, in the elementary school stage, the teacher's status in the child's mind is very high very sacred, if a much-lost child in school can get the teacher's care, then he will certainly come out of the trough, on the contrary, a child if in the school inside times by the teacher's neglect and negligence, then this The damage is also largely irreparable.

People are lifelong development, the tasks that are not completed in the early stage will be constantly improved in the later stage, the earlier the stage is not well developed, the more time and difficulty are required to treat, and many positive psychological factors are not well developed, but also affect the development of the psychological state in the later stage, 1-1.5 years old, the trust of others are not established, it is easy to affect the later initiative and The development of autonomy.

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Haas Tash

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    Haas TashWritten by Haas Tash

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