Whimsy

She wanted to be good, she really did but it was a struggle every minute of every day because she wanted to be satisfied constantly. She knew that it didn't make sense, all through her childhood she had been taught that affection was obsolete. Her parents rarely appeared more than friends residing in the same house. Her father paid the bills and then some. Her mother was able to purchase anything she wanted to, within reason. They weren't super rich but they didn't have to worry about pounds and pennies on a daily basis. Her father showed love to her and her mother regularly even effusively, her mother, however, only showed love to her own brother and mother. So given all that, she didn't understand her keenly developed sense of desire. It wasn't reliable though or predictable. Either she wanted, ached for passion, or she wanted nothing. When it was absent she collapsed down into herself, somewhat akin to a hedgehog defending itself she was spiky and cross with anyone who tried to get close.

When she wanted it, it became all consuming, she ate it, slept it even dreamed it. She had never wanted women, perhaps her mother reached down from that stressful childhood and made the ‘fairer’ sex so much less fair for her. Desire, for her, was between an man and a woman and nothing else. She wasn't overly concerned about the man or men she satisfied herself with. Never ugly, but colour or creed was largely immaterial as long as they made her feel important and truly worthy of their need. She knew some women were concerned with the size or the shape of the men or their equipment, all that was irrelevant to her as long as it was capable of fulfilling her need. She never cared what their reasons were for being with her, all was largely irrelevant as long as their function was unimpaired.

That morning she felt unusually lost, she wasn't sure why but it made her fearful. She stepped out onto the street with little idea of what or who she needed to see but she was aware that she must do something. Moving between the hoards of people making their way through town she wandered rather aimlessly from street to road, through shops and past market stalls with no further realisation of destination or purpose. The world appeared to have forgotten her place in it and she wondered if the others around her could even see her existence. She was a wraith, insubstantial and unguided nothing more than a wisp in the breeze. Even her attire was soft and insubstantial, a summer dress of silk and satin with no more encumbrance than a soft pink leather bag for her phone and a few necessary oddments.

Rounding the side of the old bus station she took a breath as she saw the new, much refurbished telephone exchange building. Figures marched about placing boxes and apparatus all over the sparkling new surfaces. She tried to remember if she had seen a notice of its new purpose after its renovation, but she was fairly sure she hadn't. She could see that the offices were large and clear of clutter so far, although it wasn't inconceivable that the mess would become apparent when the new occupants were fully installed. She paused and gazed taking in all the information she could process at this moment. As she watched she realised that one of the offices had a regular but staggered change of occupants and she wondered what was happening inside. Finding a bench a little further along the pavement, she dropped to sit gently without taking her eyes off the scene before her eyes.

After minutes of gazing she realised that the influx to that office above was very smartly clad. All of the procession in and out carried briefcases of varying sizes, and all appeared nervous and unsure at their entrance and more relaxed and resigned at their exit. It came to her quickly that she knew exactly what was occurring within. Interviews. Strangely, she felt relieved that she had discerned a patterns and interpreted it, hopefully, correctly. In her head her internal monologue asked how she could be sure she was right. She stood and walked calmly along the pavement until she was directly opposite the entrance. She wasn't sure how she would be able to confirm her theory, perhaps if one of the interviewees would speak up on their way in or out, maybe she could overhear the nugget of information she wanted. She decided to cross the road and place herself close to the doors to the shiny new business, she might yet discover the nature of the whole building including the new business that had landed here. At the next break in traffic she crossed the road and came to a halt to the left of the doors trying to look as if she hadn't a care in the world. She leant back against the bricks and tilted her chin to catch the cool breeze, the temperature had been strong from the break of spring this year and she wasn't used to, or coped well, with heat directly from the sun. She aimed to focus on the people entering and leaving the building to see if she could pick up any relevant information to assist her curiosity. She was gratified to hear a long conversation by a smart young woman on her mobile, but she lost interest when the subject of nannies and children was endlessly debated.

Time rolled past and she had given up most of her hopes when a young man exited the building, she caught his eye and she drew a breath while considering what she might elicit without looking like an idiot. Thankfully he spoke first.

‘You up next?’ He said fixing her gaze with his own.

‘Err….yes’ she stuttered, not really knowing why or indeed what she had said.

‘They're alright, I guess but don't ask for a drink. They haven't even bought glasses or cups yet. I think they need to get an administrator or something before they'll begin to sort out the mundanities. I've got to rush, I've another grilling across town in an hour.’ Turning on his heel he sped towards the crossing muttering ‘good luck, I guess as he rushed away.