When Love Stinks

I have to give a major shout out to the good folk at the Whatcom Humane Society [https://www.whatcomhumane.org/ ] for coming up with a super fun idea for a fundraiser called “Love Stinks.”

It is brilliant. If you are “feeling poopy about Valentine’s Day,” you can make a donation to the Whatcom Humane Society and their staff will write your ex’s name on a paper valentine. The little red heart is then “lovingly” placed in a litter box, the bottom of a cage, or inside a puppy pad. As they say: “Our well-fed shelter animals will do the rest!”

I like the added reminder to “keep it ‘classy’” and use first names only, please.

Sometimes it’s hard to keep it classy during a breakup – unless you are my friend Ella whose husband felt it was his duty to rescue an old high school sweetheart from her apparently dismal life. In order to adequately help her, it required that he have an affair with her for several months before telling Ella. Ella didn’t suspect a thing. When he finally mustered the courage to confess, Ella sat and listened while he whined and rationalized. Didn’t say a single word. Just let him finish.

When he was done making his case for his whys and therefores, she got up from the kitchen table and headed for the door without saying a word. He asked her, “Where are you going?!” Her reply: “Out to get a pack of smokes.” (Ella didn’t smoke.) It was just one of those lines right out of a Bogart-Bacall movie – one that I remember as being the perfect response for when no response would ever be quite right. She walked out the door, went for a drive, returned home, packed a few bags, and left.

Ella is now living in Boston. She went back to grad school, earned her degree, remarried, had a son, and loves her career. She kept her sight line clear and didn’t look back. The entire way she handled it was pure class.

On the flip side, I have other friends (myself included) who haven’t kept it quite as classy as Ella. But that’s okay, too, because sometimes love and its demise just plain stinks. There have been the mean back and forth post-breakup texts and the late-night calls to get in the last word. The defriending on social media and the ghosting and the gaslighting. One of my friends followed her ex into a public bathroom to finish their Final Fight in plain sight of the men lined up at the urinals.

In the midst of experiencing such high levels of emotions, breakups can be the absolute worst or they can be the antidote to the underlying (and obvious to everyone else) problems that beset certain relationships. I have another friend whose longtime boyfriend broke up with her during dinner at a fancy-ish restaurant, sometime between the appetizers and the entrées. Although she wasn’t entirely blindsided – they had been having some epic problems – she still couldn’t believe that he would do it in public.

My response? Yes, it was I in this scenario. I took a page out of Ella’s book. I didn’t say a word. Rummaged through my purse, stood up, laid some cash down on the table, and walked out. I refrained from quoting Ella about heading out for a pack of smokes, as it didn't seem befitting to steal her line. We did continue our on-and-off-again thing for another few months before finally laying it to rest. But rest in peace, it finally did.

There are many ways to just get the whole breakup thing done and behind us. Still, I don’t think very many of us ever feel fully prepared for how it all ultimately goes down. Sigh. Love might be a many splendored thing, but it can also be quite messy. The best thing we can do is do the best we can . . . like donating money to the Whatcom Humane Society.

In the ongoing need to support animals in shelters, the creativity of this fundraiser is light, fun, and cathartically "relieving." If you are one of those people who doesn’t want to be too poopy or bitter about a breakup, this is a happy and healthy way to go. No bad karma here for indulging in some poopy thoughts about your ex, as your donation is going to the care of some beautiful animals in need. A win-win all the way around.

Are you ready to donate? I can think of a donation or two that I would like to make! Knowing that the money is going to benefit the sweet animals and the amazing staff at the shelter makes me smile.

https://www.whatcomhumane.org/event/love-stinks/