When love ends

When she told him it was over, he was crushed. This one actually hurt.

He had been in countless relationships both on and off the books. He was a good looking man living in Toronto, which meant he could pick and choose who and when.

When they met, it was through a mutual friend. He went on the date with no expectations, but knew within the first 20 minutes of conversation. They both know, this was different. They ended up spending the entire weekend together. And that was that!

They had been together for over 2 years, and they toggled between her place and his. Despite the fact that he had roommates, he lived downtown which was convenient during the work week. And on weekends, they camped out at her place, she lived alone in a 1 bedroom apartment in North York. It was small but cozy, and perfect for their weekends together.

He was the one who suggested they look for a place together, instead of paying two separate rents every month. The justification being that the saved money could be used for future trips or "whatever". He did not mention in the conversation that he thought they should save the money for a down payment for a home. He had never really wanted a complete life with someone, but with her it made sense. He had been looking forward to a future together.

Especially since the "custody battle" for his daughter seemed to be coming close to a resolution. And they had talked about having space for her to sleep over, hangout during the holidays, summer breaks etc. And then maybe one day having children together. He remembered when he had introduced her to both the mother, and his daughter, Asia. She was a hit with Asia, her mom....well...not right away. That relationship took over a year to build, but they were well on their way to becoming a blended family. Especially after he finally decided to clarify boundaries with Asia's mom.

He shook his head again taking another swig from the bottle. He scoffed at his own ignorance, he couldn't believe how petty Asia's mother had become, and the reality and entanglement of the spider web she weaved. The lies she told Asia to turn her against him were deeply routed in her obsession with him. The role of his own ego and inflated self worth had contributed to the equation without even knowing he was part of the game. When he said to her, he had made a mistake, and the events of the night were groggy at best, he had no idea she had a taken pictures, and video. Her explanation that it was "never intended for anyone else to see", didn't change the sequence of events, that had now brought all their happiness to an end. When everything came "to the light" as his granny would have said, he understood why she said it was over. He would have done the same, but he just couldn't be with out her. Their lives had become so enmeshed, that being apart seemed like mission impossible.

So when they stated hooking up, late at night. He knew it was his chance to convince her that it was a onetime mistake, and that his love for her and commitment to them was more real than ever before. And nothing and no one would come between them again. He wasn't avoiding the conversation he was taking his lead from her. He focused all is attention on her when they were together. The rules were no phones for the night.

So he didn't see the texts from Asia's mom, that she had to take an extra shift at work. And she never brought Asia that early on a Saturday morning. Asia knew where the extra key was hidden, and had let herself in before.

It was too much to think about even now. He knew Asia would never be the same, and that he would never forgive her mother. Ever.

He shook his head, to organize his thoughts.

"Now what", he asked out loud, to no one in particular. He was angry, confused, worried, and distraught all at the same time, and for the last two days he had been drinking the pain away. But that visual, it didn't go away. Any brief moment of sobriety, brought the same memory to the forefront of his thoughts. All he had to do was close his eyes, and he saw her face. For that split second, when she opened her eyes and he had the gun in his hand, their eyes connected. And when she quickly scanned the room, as he saw the color drain from her face. He watched her eyes, as the realization, then the horror set in. And finally there, that split second her eyes changed to forgiveness right before the one tear trickled onto the pillow. Right before he nuzzled the gun with the pillow. Right before...

He opened his eyes, took a breath as the tears streamed hot and freely down his face. He repeated the motion of raising the brown paper bag to his mouth . The bag felt light, and his head was pounding. He had been avoiding the sirens and flashing lights for a couple days now, and had been helped by the community that he had previous aided through his outreach program. But he knew they would not keep his secret forever, and he would have to turn himself in.

He saw his face on CP 24, every time he walked by a television screen. They said it was a crime of passion, which was true. They said, he had shot her 3 times, which was partially true.

He closed his eyes again, and brought the final dregs from the bottom of the bottle to his mouth. The liquid was hot, and sticky, and had no flavor only a purpose. Time for another, he thought to himself.

And then everything happened almost simultaneously, he jumped into reality as his body stiffened, and hit the wall, then the ground. The bottle hit the ground with a thud, and smashed into a thousand pieces. And the jolt of electricity from the taser, was the only thing he felt as his body began to spasm. He did not see them coming at all.

In the close proximity he could hear the yelling, the running footsteps, sirens and lights, "Put your hands up." Someone kicked him hard. Someone punched him harder, several times.

But his eyes were closed, and he was there again, in that moment and the reason for the tear, as she realized she had been shot, and that Asia had pulled the trigger.