When the love ends

When she told him it was over. She meant it. Well...at least she thought she did.

She was overwhelmed by the unexpected pain. The tears. The sadness. But the worse was the desire for him. She just wanted to be near him. To feel his touch, and warm exhales on the nape of her neck. They rarely slept with a blanket because he was a 'nuzzler'. He had become her blanket and she never realized how quickly she had adapted to this norm until now. And how much she loved their nightly routine. This change of circumstance well...it hurt.

This relationship had been different from the others since the beginning. A mutual friend had arranged a "blind date", and had convinced them both " I know someone that would be the perfect person for you...trust me". Interestingly enough, their first date turned into a weekend tryst, and they never looked back. They had spent the last two years growing together. Her friends became his friends and vice versa, families met families, trips and adventures never ended until...she sighed. It as a deep sigh, and it caused her chest to tighten. She closed her yes, and began to concentrate on the rate of her breathing. As her breathing normalized, she returned to reminiscing. 'Yes', she thought to herself, when the midnight adventures started, she welcomed them with and abundance of sexual anticipation; the kind that made you take a trip to La Senza. And that sex. It was as if they rediscovered all the pleasure from that 1st date. But this time they opened a door to a new uninhibited relationship. And although she felt part of his participation was more based in guilt for ruining the relationship and less about really wanting to reconcile the issue. When he professed his love for her body, mind and soul, she felt those words deep within the core of her being. But it also created a typhoon of conflicting emotions. Beneath the passion, romance, lust of their lovemaking, was her struggle with the emotional confusion. The anger, the shame, the guilt, the regret, and often, the self doubt.

Some days the self doubt crept up out of nowhere, and she even when she tried to push it away, it still sat in her space. 'You got this"...'You are in control', mantras she told her mirrored image almost daily worked for a short period until he text or called. And within hours she found herself wrapped up in the passion of tender kisses and whispered love. Their time together seemed even more precious, as the expiration date was getting closer.

She let out a deep sigh, as she felt her stomach start to crawl into her chest. Breath In. Breath out, and as she began to practice her box breathing the alarm from her phone interrupted her self care.

She grabbed her phone from the bedside and swiped up to silence the calendar reminder set for 6pm.

"Turn on the tv. watch the news"

She did as she was told, dropping the phone in the bedsheets she turned on the television, which was already on CP24 news.

As she adjusted the volume, the throbbing in her head started again. She had a headache for the last little while, she couldn't remember exactly how long. She just felt foggy and out of sorts, she looked around the room trying to focus on her surroundings but her brain was working at half capacity

She averted her attention to the television, the newswoman was about to release some "Breaking News". She closed her eyes so she could hear her announcement better. Damn she thought to herself, even my eyes hurt!

She overheard something about a provincial wide man hunt....a guy shot his ex girlfriend in the bed multiple times...crime of passion...been on the run for 3 days...thanking the public for calling in tips...arrested...multiple charges...attempted murder, aggravated assault... She was having a hard time focusing, and her breathing had become more shallow, the numbness and tingling was crawling up her fingertips.

"The police have released his mugshot, which we will show you now", the newswoman announced.

She looked up to see the picture of the captured fugitive.

And the heart monitored stopped.