When I decided to lose weight

Since childhood, I was an ugly and fat boy, weighing much more than my peers, and the swim ring on my stomach was like a birthmark that never left me. Then before I went to college, I spent a whole summer losing weight successfully, getting rid of the terrible flab, and no longer the fat guy with the roundest face in the graduation photo.

People are surprised at how I have such a big change at the same time, there are many people ask me how to do it, often see messages or comments, on me about how to lose weight, how to persist, and so on, most of them are nonsense problems, major websites can retrieve countless ways and means, but on one day, my microblogging received a look after a very difficult private message.

It was a message from a girl.

The company's main business is to provide a wide range of products and services to its customers. I could see the bitterness in her heart in private messages, and finally she asked me a question, whether or not she should lose weight for the sake of the person she likes to make everyone like her.

I hesitated about how I should answer her when I suddenly remembered the story about me and Xiao Li.

When I decided to lose weight, I didn't know what kind of pain I would face in the following days. I got an annual card at the gym near my house and went running early every morning with my bag. Because I was in a hurry, I chose an unhealthy way to lose weight - dieting, eating only a tiny bit of vegetarian food every day, drinking water when I was hungry, and sleeping when I was tired. The first few days of running, every day, the whole body aches to the point of failure, coupled with not eating, hunger, and pain making me almost close to the edge of giving up. But to lose weight, I endured and persevered, a month passed, and the weight dropped significantly, I looked at the change in the scale, the mood then a big meal and happiness.

I met Xiao Li in the men's room, the first time I saw her, she was lying in front of the toilet picking her throat vomiting, the veins on her neck, and her whole face bloated red. It was shocking and embarrassing to see a girl in the men's room. I asked her why she didn't go to the women's room, she said the door to the women's room was locked, so she had no choice but to go to the men's room. I asked her if she was okay, and she nodded and asked me to help her watch outside and wait for her to finish throwing up before leaving. Looking at her uncomfortable appearance, as a stranger who could not help anything, I had to stay with her and pour her a glass of warm water after she finished throwing up. She took the water, then pulled out a pill bottle from her pocket, poured out two yellow pills, and swallowed them. I watched as her red face returned to normal and she said thank you and then introduced herself.

Coincidentally, she turned out to be in the same high school as me, one year older than me. Because we were alumni and in the same gym, we grew to know each other well. She knows that I am a fat person who is trying to become thin, and I know that she is a thin person who has lost weight but is still losing weight. This seems to be one of the biggest common ground between us, as a senior, Xiaoli often told me about her previous thin story, whenever she tells her story, Xiaoli's face is always full of pride. She said that being thin was the only experience in her life that she was proud of, and it was one of the biggest failures in her life.

Once after a break from the gym, Xiao Li asked me why I wanted to lose weight, I did not think twice to answer her of course to slim down and become good-looking, no longer be looked down upon by others.

"Now is not the Tang Dynasty, now is the era of the face, fat people are fast becoming disadvantaged in society." I unscrewed a bottle of water and finished glugging it down.

"Will you look good if you lose weight? Thin down people who don't like you will like you?" Xiao Li asked me indifferently.

"How do you know if you'll look good without losing weight, no matter what, at least you won't be looked at by others with strange eyes."

I said aggressively, and Rei sighed. I don't know which sentence was wrong that would make Rei react like that. But the goal of vowing to slim down is in front of me, I could not care less about the unknown 10,000 possibilities, right now only slim down to dissolve all worries.

During that time I became more and more paranoid, every day dragging a weak body on the treadmill sweating like rain, and looking at myself on the scale in front of the mirror gradually faded before the obese silhouette, I began to broadcast their weight loss journey on social media platforms, each selfie received praise for my courage value rose a little, I felt for the first time that my life is full of hope, the light is in front of me.

While I was immersed in the happiness brought by these changes, Xiao Li did not seem to be doing well. Her face is getting worse and worse, and the whole person is as thin as a bone, sometimes running on the treadmill suddenly covering his mouth, and running to the bathroom, like a frail elderly, but every day is still losing weight like crazy. I have asked Xiaoli countless times obviously already very thin, why continue to reduce, Xiaoli never answered me positively.

One day, Xiaoli suddenly fainted on the treadmill, outside the hospital emergency room, I learned that Xiaoli has been suffering from anorexia for a year. The reason for the illness was caused by excessive dieting and weight loss. At that time, Xiao Li was already a thin and successful girl, with a slim waist, and the previous one she was simply transformed and reborn. Although the fat and fat loss, the body are very difficult to recover from, and anorexia treatment is long and difficult, sometimes Xiao Li need to force themselves to eat, just down not long after the food will vomit out in disgust, and severe cases, several times a day will vomit. So I often see Xiao Li cover her mouth to go to the toilet as a result of anorexia, every time after vomiting eats the yellow pill is used to restrain the feeling of vomiting.

Doctors have advised Xiaoli countless times, telling her not to continue to lose weight, but Xiaoli always refused to listen, no one knows the real reason for her obstinacy, everyone knows is that Xiaoli can not eat, but can not not lose weight.

In the hospital for a week in the hospital, I also to the day of the start of school, the day I left the hospital to see Xiaoli, personally cooked a few dishes to bring her, she forced to eat a few bites in front of me, and then told me to make sure not to learn from her, to eat on time. I laughed at her or take care of her body first, she nodded and forced herself to stuff a bite of rice in.

After this, I said goodbye to that old clumsy and bloated character set and started to walk into a whole new life.

I was avidly posting selfies of myself on social media platforms and enjoying the comments of approval. I no longer shy away from public expression, and I joined debate teams and speech clubs, reveling in the sense of accomplishment that comes with being in front of a crowd. My label was no longer "fat" or "fat pig", but "man" or "handsome", even before I had time to adjust to this sudden change, my new live set changed my life.

I gained the pleasure of being sought after, but while this external pleasure wrapped my life, I found that I was not so free inside.

I was afraid of the negative comments under my selfies

I was afraid of my friends taking weird pictures of me

I was afraid that people would see me as ugly and fat as I was before.

I didn't dare to enjoy food as freely as I used to, a new pimple could make me nervous for days, and things about being fat and thin became a sensitive topic. The huge hope and happiness that comes with losing weight gradually faded away, and fatigue spread rapidly among my constantly vigilant nerves.

My friends are gradually distancing themselves from me because of my neuroticism, and sometimes I even want to go back to the old days, to the fat person who was not in the limelight, whose body was heavy but could live a relaxed and happy life.

In the most depressing period of my will, I went to bed every day to talk with Xiaoli for a while, listening to her stories that have been buried in their hearts.

The reason that prompted Xiao Li to lose weight in the first place was because she liked a boy in her class. The reason for this is very simple, Xiao Li was a group of boys in the class with a nasty nickname, some boys even went so far as to draw the head of a pig and her nickname on her workbook and school uniform, and once Xiao Li was bullied and taunted by a group of boys, the boy came to his rescue, so Xiao Li fell in love with each other. The other girls laughed at her for being insensitive, and she vowed to lose weight and lose weight, so she and I chose to go on an extreme diet to lose weight. The year she graduated from high school, she lost weight and was ready to get up the courage to confess her love for the boy, another girl also confessed to the boy, and finally, the boy said yes to the other girl. During that time, Xiao Li was devastated, she attributed the reason for the boy's rejection to not being thin enough, so she began to lose weight again, and anorexia was detected at this time.

I felt a little sad for Xiao Li, especially when she said, "The heart has come out of the sadness, but the body has stopped there forever. Because of her addiction to weight loss, it has become very difficult to stop. Her body was getting worse and worse due to the torture of anorexia. After this story, I felt how selfish I was now in craving for Rei's comfort, as she needed it more than anything else.

When I came home for winter break, my meeting with Xiao Li became my last because she was leaving the country and my parents decided to take her to the United States further to get better treatment and continue to finish her education

The reason she didn't go to school that year was not that she didn't get into college, but because her condition was too severe to go to school, but more because she wanted to prove that she could change the boy's opinion of herself by losing weight, and she was looking forward to the other side's answer from no to yes. But in the end, she realized that the end was predetermined at the beginning.

Now it seems that at that time, Xiao Li was a naive and childish little girl. But it's no surprise, who wasn't paranoid when they were young?

When Xiao Li was leaving, she sent out a tweet.

No matter what you decide to lose weight because of, when you struggle to slim down, you have to remember that from now on, you have to learn to live for yourself.

That tweet was followed by Xiao Li circling my Weibo ID.

This sentence is more like a summary of my similar years with Xiaoli, but Xiaoli's story is more intense. Perhaps Xiao Li's story will only be recorded by me in this way, but it is worthwhile for me to announce to the world that we have all learned to be a person who does not live to please others.

In the examination paper of life, pleasing others is at best an additional question to get full marks, thanks to the additional questions answered correctly and getting full marks on the paper, the score is high but always lacking.

The people you love may not love you, but you can try to love yourself more.

People who hate you may not like you, but you can try to like yourself.

We try so hard to change ourselves, not to save the day, so that those who do not love themselves, those who hate themselves like themselves again, but to make our souls more independent, so that life is full of meaning because of a better self.