When A Relationship is Finished

Knowing when to fight for your relationship and when to end it

Five Pointers for Recognizing the End of a Relationship

One of the hardest choices we have to make in life is whether to leave or stay in a relationship.

It's challenging to maintain perspective when you're in the midst of an intense relationship when a lot of time and emotions have been invested.

When we've invested years of our time, effort, and affection into a relationship, it can be much difficult to walk away from it or acknowledge that it is truly ended.

But there are occasions when breaking up with someone is unavoidable.

Sometimes we have to break things off on our own.

Other instances, our significant other might decide to break things off.

We must eventually accept the fact that the relationship is finished, regardless of who terminates it.

Everything has a good and incorrect way to do it, and this is never more evident than when a relationship is ending.

However, how can you tell whether a relationship is truly over?

When should you put up a fight and stand by your love?

When is the right time to tell yourself that you gave it your all and that it's time to let go?

No matter what advice your friends and family may give, you are the only one who truly understands your relationship because no two relationships are ever exactly alike.

You are the only person with all the facts, thus only you can decide what your course of action should be.

Having said that, there are some telltale indicators in any relationship that will let you know when it's done.

1. Any form of abuse is unacceptable.

It's time to call it quits if your significant other is verbally or physically abusive toward you.

It's one thing if your significant other occasionally uses harsh or unpleasant language; it's quite another if frequent verbal abuse, verbal threats, or physical assault take place.

Never forget that respect is at stake here.

No true partnership can exist with this person if they can't treat you with enough decency to keep from harming you or if their preferred method of coping is to injure their loved ones. Abusers frequently assure their spouses that no one else would desire them.

Control, not telling the truth, is the issue here.

There is always someone about, but if they want you to be too afraid to go, they will say anything to strike terror in your heart, whether it is fear of being left alone or fear of reprisal.

The abused partner frequently believes in their hearts that they will never be able to make the abuser feel better.

These two claims—that love shouldn't involve either verbal or physical abuse—are both untrue. You can always find someone better than an abuser because there are people who are wonderful enough to love you in a healthy and respectful manner.

One spouse gets aggressive to the point of violence during a disagreement, which is a recurrent trend in abusive relationships (verbal or physical).

Threatening to depart, the mistreated partner.

The abuser then expresses regret and shame and vows to stop in the future. At that moment, the victim should leave immediately if the abuser doesn't seek psychological help.

The cycle will most likely repeat itself if the victim of abuse stays.

The abusive partner must demonstrate their desire to alter their behavior in order to avoid reverting to the earlier patterns of behavior that led to abuse.

If you are the abuser, it might be time to recognize you have a problem and get support before you permanently lose your partner.

2. Are you attempting to "rescue" your partner?

Sometimes there is an unhealthy pattern of codependency present even when a relationship is not overtly abusive.

Code pendency: what is it?

Codependency occurs when two people who are close to each other passively encourage each other's undesirable behaviour.

The passive partner is referred to as a "enabler" in psychology since they support their partner's unhealthy behaviours. For instance, one partner can have a drinking issue, and the other one might continuously find reasons to avoid addressing or assisting their partner in seeking help.

The facilitator frequently thinks they can "cure" or "rescue" their partner in codependent relationships.

Instead than encouraging their spouse to acknowledge their faults and make changes, the enabler constantly "cleans up" after the enabled, accepting blame for or covering up their partner's mistakes.

Even while you believe you are helping them, you are actually making their condition worse.

Understanding that your relationship is codependent does not automatically imply that it is time to call it quits.

It's possible that your partner has to stop drinking, abusing you financially, or engaging in another negative behavior that you've been passively tolerating for a while.

Get your spouse to accept responsibility for their bad behavior before quitting a codependent relationship (if you are the enabler).

A serious, heartfelt discussion can be used to accomplish this.

This can entail recommending therapy or rehabilitation.

All of their worried friends can step in to stop this.

It's time to accept the relationship is ended if you offer your spouse a chance to change but they refuse to get help or change their conduct.

Always keep in mind that you cannot "rescue" your partner.

You can be there for him or her and support him or her in asking for assistance.

Ultimately, you must let them be in charge of their own lives.

3. Is your partner or you emotionally unreachable?

What exactly does it mean to be "emotionally unavailable"?

You might be in a relationship where one partner is emotionally unavailable if your courtship with them began passionately, with loads of love, romance, and possibility, but fizzled as one of you grew increasingly aloof and self-isolating.

If you come to the realization that your partner is emotionally unavailable, it might be time to call it quits.

On the other side, this realization can be a sign that you and your partner need to work on your relationship as a whole or even that you both need to improve your communication skills. For a variety of reasons, people retreat and isolate themselves.

The most frequent factor is most likely a history of abuse.

People find it difficult to trust others after experiencing abuse, especially sexual abuse, and difficulties with intimacy are a prevalent problem.

Do you or your partner sound like this?

If so, you should patiently work through the problem as a couple if you both know that you still love each other.

It's also typical for one individual to just show their affection in more overt ways than the other.

Self-expression could simply come more easily for one individual than for another, depending on cultural background and personality.

This does not imply that you should break up with someone. Because opposites attract and you draw power from one another even though you may not naturally possess it, the disparities in your personalities can be a strength.

Keep in mind that when a person is not emotionally expressive, all of their partner's emotional outbursts may cause them to retreat even more.

Both parties are accountable for working through these differences with tolerance and acceptance for the other.

Only when both parties have tried sincerely to resolve their emotional issues and nothing has changed is it time to call it quits.

4. Are you no longer in love?

Some people declare the end of a relationship because they no longer feel in love.

If it's true that you've fallen out of love, it is a valid excuse to call it quits.

However, losing love is not the same as growing tired of your lover or going through a midlife crisis.

Be careful to distinguish between getting bored with your partner and losing love.

If you break up with someone merely because you're bored with them, there's a good possibility you'll find someone else to be equally boring. When we demand too much from our partner—expecting him or her to make us feel pleased and fulfilled in life—it can lead to boredom in a relationship.

Our partner isn't responsible for our own happiness, and just because we're unhappy in our relationship doesn't mean we should necessarily blame our partner for it.

If you don't feel fulfilled, you probably don't feel completely satisfied with yourself.

Look inside, not outside, for the solution if you're bored.

The last thing you should do if your spouse leaves because they claim to have lost interest in you is beg them to return.

No one enjoys being desperate or dependent. Instead, offer them time and space to properly consider their choice.

5. Try to unwind and accept whatever occurs.

It's time to call it quits when our partner is unfaithful, abusive, or persistently emotionally absent.

It's also (often) time to call it quits when our spouse tells us they've lost interest in us, that they're leaving us for someone else, or that they can't be with us because we're too emotionally unavailable.

It's possible that your relationship is truly over.

Perhaps all you and your partner need is some time and space to sort things out.

Try to remain calm throughout this breakup process, no matter what occurs. Try not to wish things were different and instead, try to accept what is happening.

More suffering awaits us the more we cling to a failed relationship.

Sometimes the greatest way to go on with our lives is to simply let go.

In spite of how you might be feeling right now, the pain of ending a relationship does pass.

Even if it seems like you need them, you can survive without them.

There are other fish in the sea even if it seems like there aren't any.

Remember that many people have been in your shoes before, and the majority of them found true love and fulfilment in the arms of someone else.

One day, you'll observe.

How to Recognize When a Relationship Is Over and the actions you should Take to Restart It.