What You’d Find Behind the Fragile Wall of Your Vulnerabilities.

“If we’re wrapping ourselves up to conceal any vulnerability, whatever happens to us has to go through all those extra layers. Sometimes love doesn’t even reach where we truly live.” — Alexandra Katehakis

Why have you wasted so much time trying to hide the real you? Instead of being authentic, you learn to mold yourself into different shapes that would allow you to fit in so as not to be seen as imperfect. You wear a cover to appear like those you wish to be like.

• Are you supposed to be impeccable at all times?

• Why is it so difficult to see each other as imperfect in a world that’s full of imperfections?

• What do we gain from unnecessarily judging each other all the time?

Our imperfections can be likened to a rough pathway that seems outwardly unappealing, but inwardly rich in love, compassion, and kindness. It’s the door you’d want to tap on, but in it lies the love you seek. The compassion you need, and the connection you yearn for.

It’s the path you have to find yourself severally to bring the best in you to the surface.

But by doing everything you can to cover your imperfections instead of embracing them, you fail to use them to bring out the shine in you which are embedded in your imperfections.

***

Our Imperfections Connects us

People find it difficult to express themselves because they anticipate rejection, shame, and embarrassment. This is why some guys would keep to themselves instead of walking up to the beautiful lady across the street. It’s why some people would prefer to keep their emotional burdens instead of dropping them by talking to the right person.

And whenever you let yourself be seen, and maybe you get shamed and laughed at, you torment yourself for inviting shame into your life. You numb it and try to bury it. You distance yourself from people suffering from shame because you’re are covering yours and you expect others to cover theirs as well.

But having the courage to be imperfect, to be seen allows us to get used to being vulnerable — and to benefit from the strength that comes from being vulnerable. This also produces the energy that spreads out to connect us.

***

Not Having The Courage to Be Imperfect Can Impede Personal Growth.

Renowned American researcher Brene Brown in her book, The Gift of Imperfection explains that folks who embrace their vulnerabilities do so believing that what makes them vulnerable makes them beautiful. They see it as being necessary. And they take action without any guarantees.

I’ve come to understand that some of the experiences we try to avoid can help provide understandings that’ll feel some voids in our lives. We can also from having these uncomfortable experiences find the courage to do away with our self-limiting way of life and start living more excitingly.

I was once laughed at in a gathering for fumbling. It was a very unpleasant experience because I wasn’t expecting to be made fun of for being a human. The experience remained fresh in my head while I was still at the gathering, but I hoped I’d feel better after talking to my friend about it later in the day.

But to my dismay, the friend whom I mistakenly thought would be an empathetic listener joined the others to have fun over the incident. He even wished he was there when it happened so he can laugh together with the other participants.

This negatively impacted how I express myself to people. The courage to be vulnerable dissipated. But it was also through the experience that I later develop the ability to be more open to others despite knowing that doing so can yield negative outcomes like rejection, self-guilt, and shame. It taught me to always take my chance even when there is no guarantee of any positive outcome.

***

Letting Yourself to Be Seen Births Liberation, Strength, and Courage.

Having the courage to be vulnerable, to let yourself be seen isn’t meant to be a fun experience. Rather it’s about being the real you before the right individuals. It’s allowing your pain, and your mess to surface before the right people. From there you’d come to understand that it isn’t something to feel ashamed about.

Also, letting others see your imperfections helps them to understand that they’re not alone in their struggles.

Brene Brown, in her Tedtalk, explains that to allow connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen.

When you let the right people see your vulnerabilities, liberation takes place both ways. Not only that you’d find the strength to continue with your life, but others would find the courage to be imperfect.

Masking our inadequacies and pretending that they don’t exist has led to widespread deniability of our different realities, and this has created a gap in our lives.

This is so because when you hide or suppress the things that can bring you closer to someone, you unwittingly create a gap that would emit negative emotions and energy that would push you farther away from him or her.

***

Embracing Our Imperfections Allow us To Accept Every Bit of Ourselves With Love.

“Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it’s understanding the necessity of both; it’s engaging. It’s being all in.” — Brené Brown

On the other side of vulnerability lies love, kindness, and connection. It’s where we are mutually connected through our imperfections. It’s from there that we see ourselves as imperfect humans and not special humans devoid of inadequacies.

It’s from there that we can draw closer to each other to listen to one another without judgment. To openly discuss our pains with others without seeking a solution, but to be listened to in an empathetic way.

By embracing our imperfections, we embrace our humanity. We accept every bit of ourselves with love. We create a world where we can express ourselves without being judged. We become open to listening to others and stop pushing them away to go suffer alone in silence.

***

What You’d Find Behind The Fragile Wall of Your Vulnerabilities.

Vulnerability is at the core of an imperfect relationship that’s rich in love, compassion, and connection. Accepting our vulnerabilities allows us to see each other for what we are and not for what we want each other to become. Being vulnerable is being human. And when we live truly as humans, we have the true experience of our humanity.

Covering our imperfections creates a vacuum where perfection is expected — and accepted by everyone. And where imperfection is abhorred and disapproved.

But when you understand that it’s okay to be vulnerable, you begin to see massive positive results. You experience how liberating it is, and how it gives you the courage to be authentic and stop trying to become someone else. You stop masking the one thing that connects and brings out the best in you.

***

Conclusion

We all have foibles that often tend to stop us from expressing ourselves, and from being our real selves. But in our imperfections lies the chord that mutually connects us. This is why we can have a glimpse of other people’s lives from our lives when we dare to be imperfect before others.

Being a true human is accepting your imperfections and the imperfections of others. It’s knowing that you and I are not impeccable. And that it’s wrong to suppress your feelings and desires because of false assumptions that you’re not perfect or not good enough to express yourself to people.

“When we work from a place that says you’re enough, you stop screaming and start listening. We are kind and gentle to ourselves and people around us.” — Brene Brown

When you acknowledge that you’re enough, you find yourself living and expressing yourself without any guarantees. You understand that behind the fragile wall of your vulnerabilities lie love, courage, kindness, and creativity.

Allowing yourself to be seen regardless of how uncomfortable you might feel about it elicits courage and liberation. It’s how you come to have a better understanding of yourself, accept your imperfections and get used to being vulnerable.

This story was previously published on Medium by the same author.