What's in a hand?

Our hands are important. They allow us to make things, hold and carry things; grab the door and hold it for others. They can help bring that spark to a relationship the first time you hold hands with someone. Most importantly, we wouldn't be able to use our cell phones, tablets, computers- we all know how that voice to text works sometimes! By now, you are catching on to the many purposes and tasks our hands have; so you are probably asking, what does this have to do with everyday life?

Think of your hands as helping you understand what is important in your life and when it is time to let go of someone. You break this down by understanding the role each of your fingers play in your life and the importance they have.

Thumb: Without the thumb, it wouldn't be possible to grasp and hold things properly. We don't think about it much, but our thumb does a good portion of our workload when handling things on a day to day basis. Think about how difficult it would be to hold a glasss of water or even play video games.

Index, Middle, Ring finger: Let's discuss these collectively. We know the index finger is for pointing; the middle finger has been associated with flipping people off; and we associate the ring finger as the one we wear that special ring on someday. However, it is important to note that collectively, along with the thumb, these fingers help us type, write, and hold things. Also think of how often a day you use that index finger- it is far more useful than you think. Also, they are prevalent in American Sign Language (ASL). So we need them to help us communicate. A downfall of the middle finger is due to it being your longer finger it tends to be injured a lot.

Pinky Finger: So where does that leave the pinky finger? The pinky can do all of those things. We can use the pinky to help us hold stuff, for ASL, to type and write, but at the same time, we don't need the pinky finger. The English have been showing us all along how you don't need your pinky to drink a cup of tea. How many hold their pinky out when drinking something? We can still hold our pencils and pens without the pinky. Learning to live without the pinky is difficult and painful, but you learn to adapt and learn that the pain is temporary.

So where does that leave us? In life, you are going to come across many different people. Some are passing by and others are there to form connections of some sort (friendship, mentor, partnership, intimate, etc.). It can get difficult to figure this all out. So when you are trying to figure that out, compare them to your hand and fingers. Is this someone who I need in my life to help me grasp onto things? Is this someone who works together well with others in my life? Can I depend upon them? Is this someone where I enjoy them, but I can live without them; or we have good times, but other negative emotions mix in.

The key is, identify those who are your thumb, index, middle and ring fingers and you will quickly learn who your pinky fingers are. You will learn letting go won't be easy, but just like injurying your pinky finger, recovery does happen and you adjust smoothly.

(as a disclaimer when I started this in sessions with clients I never made the connection on how I was saying identify your pinky friends and what that meant in my own life. My best friend and I go by Pinky and the Brain and in no way is she a pinky finger)