What makes a good relationship (part 1)

I’ve always hated dating; I hate not knowing if the woman I’m interested in is being herself or trying to boost herself because she thinks I’ll like her better. Dating is a necessary evil though.

When you find someone, and you get to know them and you just click it makes it all worthwhile. What makes a good relationship though? Relationships are work, people change as they get older, everything in our lives, the good and bad change us, the relationships we make (platonic and not) change us, things that happen in our family life changes us, same with our work lives. The hope is that we have more positive change than negative, but even some bad things can make us stronger depending on how we handle it and the people we have around us. I myself have good friends that I can count on and they know they can count on me so the bad things I was able to handle better. Some people don’t have this or maybe they're afraid to go to their family or friends for help, or go to a specialist for help or guidance.

The good and the bad in our lives can mold the relationships we make. If we go into a relationship thinking it’s going to fail then it probably will, if you’re more positive then you may have better luck. This also depends on the people we get into relationships with. Some people are really good judge of character while others aren’t. Some people are attracted to the bad girl or boy while others want someone who’s nice and caring.

Relationships have some psychology in them, to be able to meet someone and size them up and not just get caught up in their looks or the persona they’re trying to weave, but to try and see what's behind the vale. If you’re lucky enough to find a straight shooter, you don’t have to guess, they are what they are. A lot of people though, show their best self.

When people get into a relationship it starts out fun, you do things together, you have a lot of sex, you joke around, you show off your best self. After a while when some people feel comfortable, they show their true self. Maybe they’re jealous, controlling, co-dependent, whatever they were hiding. They do this because they know if they show their true personality right away, they may never meet anyone, so they hide that part in hope when they show it later on it’ll be too late, they’ll have their hooks in. These people are manipulative and don’t care about the feelings of the person they're with.

The problem with this is they can’t hide their true self forever, the longer they wear the mask the harder it takes to hide it so one day they take it off. For better or for worse their significant other sees who they really are and they either like what they see or don’t. Life would be so much easier if everyone was themselves so the person, they go out with knows right away if they really want to be in a relationship with them. If their jealous or have a temper they can see that as a possibility that that person can be abusive and decide whether they want to take the chance and keep going or run for the hills. Or maybe the person has a low self-esteem and thinks they’re not good enough and maybe the other person will see this and try and make them feel their worthy. This doesn’t usually happen though. A person meets another, puts on the mask and plays the part until they can’t anymore.

So, the idea is to look at clues (tells if you play poker) to see if you can get a glimpse of the real personality. Sometimes for a split second they’ll show it to you. If you can’t though, you just date and hope their true self is a good person. If you’re lucky you find someone who is transparent and you see the real them right away.

People do still change over time, some more than others. Some get more callus and jaded because they’ve been hurt many times while others who ask for help from friends or a professional, can sometimes work through their issues.