What Is Too Much and When Does the Relationship Become Suffocating?

What does addiction mean in the relationship and a partner dependent on you and the relationship, where does the addiction come from, how does this relationship affect the couple's partners as well? Simply, addiction to your partner is like any other addiction: an intense need, which grows with time, to be with the other, to know that you are loved, to get all his attention, and the feeling that life is not it makes sense without the other! When we talk about the couple, it seems that they are necessary and normal, right? But real addiction involves an obsessive need and an exaggeration of what it means to be close as a couple.

Addiction in a relationship  -  are you or do you have a dependent partner?

• Every person is different and addiction can manifest itself in many ways. Not all of the following are characteristic of any dependent partner - but when you add up more than half of the following points, the equation will give the same result…

• The relationship, the couple is more important than the person and her partner;

• A dependent partner feels the need to be with each other at all times, to perform almost any activity together;

• A dependent partner does not understand the notion of time and space for himself or the notion of limits;

• A dependent partner needs the support and help of the other in most situations; he often feels that he is not able to manage on his own;

• An addicted partner constantly demands emotional reassurance - to know he is loved;

• A dependent partner has fears in the relationship and is often overly jealous; he behaves unintentionally as if he deserves everything - as if the other person must give him all his affection, attention, and time - to give himself totally to him;

• One dependent partner asks the other to go beyond the role of boyfriend/girlfriend - he/she asks him/her to become a substitute for the parent;

• A dependent partner requires care;

• A dependent partner is convinced that nothing makes sense without a boyfriend/girlfriend, has fears that he will be abandoned; for him, the relationship is the only reality that matters and other types of relationships lose their importance (that's why a dependent partner wants privacy, often rejects group activities);

• A dependent partner is constantly in a relationship - if one relationship ends, he soon seeks refuge starting another - is the person who always needs a boyfriend/girlfriend next to him/her; he desperately tries to reconcile and if he fails, he starts looking for another partner;

• An addicted partner needs love and desperately wants to love and be loved - that's why, right from the beginning of a relationship, he confesses the deep feelings that he creates (it seems to him as real as possible, but he often makes them out of a simple need to feel them).

• A dependent partner may develop a real obsession with the other - exaggerated behaviors, intense emotional manifestations;

• A dependent partner may feel the need to make sure the other person is his or her own - to control and ask for everything;

• A dependent partner is considered whole only by the couple - otherwise, he feels empty and meaningless; that is why he takes to the extreme the union of the partners, wanting the individual personalities to merge, to dissolve even in a common personality;

• A dependent partner has a personality that adapts to that of the boyfriend/girlfriend - all he wants is the combination; does not have high self-esteem and has not created a distinct individuality; changes their preferences and opinions so that they fit those of their partner;

• One dependent partner focuses on the other and wants to please them - what the other person wants is essential for him; but, often, his need for attention and affection takes precedence, not the desires of the other;

• One dependent partner is passive and lets the other make decisions, submitting to conquer him and win his love;

• An addicted partner tends to feel different, isolated, and see in the boyfriend/girlfriend the only person who can understand and love him, the only one who matters, the "unique couple".

Relationship addiction - why do people become addicted to their partner?

We can talk about two types of dependent partners - the one who listens, pleases, is submissive to deserve love and the one who controls, thinks he deserves everything, and asks for everything! The extremes range from absolutely altruistic to absolutely egocentric.

The essence of addiction in the relationship lies in the need to be with someone, to be loved, cared for, and to find meaning, a fulfillment through the relationship. People who tend to become addicted are often people who have not received attention, affection from their parents - and in their way, seek to nurture the intense need for affection and attention through the couple's relationship.

The couple's partner becomes a substitute for the parents who did not give the child what he needed. That child grew up and became a person who feels fearful and unfulfilled on his own, who has a hunger for closeness, contact, attention, and love. A person who as soon as he feels alone and without someone next to him, falls into depression or panic - feels that he cannot live like this, that he cannot manage on his own.

This man has learned that he is not in the first place, that he does not matter, but others, that without someone next to him he is worth nothing - that is why he will be submissive and will want to please the other, only to be loved!

Rarely, the partner who becomes addicted to the couple is, on the contrary, a person who had parents who protected him and "inherited" him excessively - who learned to be always helped, learned to be in the center of attention and affection, and now ask for the same things in the couple. An extremely close relationship with the parents (or with one of the parents) they do, once they break away from the parental home (if they break away) to look for and want the same type of closeness, relationship, within the couple.

The person of the boyfriend/girlfriend is not only seen as a partner of the couple - and as the person who offers and to whom, he offers everything. This man is still addicted, but different from the first - he feels that what he wants takes precedence and that he deserves all the attention and love, that's why he asks for everything without worries!

Addiction in a relaisonship - how does it affect the couple?

Having a truly addicted partner makes your relationship unhealthy over time. For the one who is addicted, if he receives what he asks for and if it is done to his liking, then he is nourished by the intense need and cannot evolve - he will not realize that something is wrong, he will not try to gain his independence so much need and will not try to create an individuality - to be his person!

Unfortunately, even when he is abandoned because of his excessive behavior, he often does not seek to develop and evolve - but seeks another relationship that will nurture him and make him feel safe.

The one who has to "feed" a dependent partner will be amazed that the more he offers, the more he is asked - it's just about addiction! If he loves, he can please them, he can give them everything he can - but this means that he will forget about himself, the need for time for himself and will often block his personal development, he will forget about his plans. It will become part of this common personality - that of the couple, forgetting their personal needs.

Just as often, he will end up suffocated by this excessive closeness, need excessive attention and affection, need everything! He will realize that he is being asked too much, which he cannot offer - his whole life!

Whenever you are in such a relationship, you need to sound the alarm - show the other person that he is asking too much, that he is asking for the impossible, and that as long as he does not realize this, he will be unhappy; to show them that personal happiness is not found primarily through the couple but through their person and life. Only then does the couple appear as a complement…

Don't constantly feed the addict's needs - set boundaries and show them when he asks too much! Explain to him when he exaggerates and encourage him to develop his individuality and respect himself, but also to respect you. There is no other way…