What if it went like this?

What if I do feel like I don't want to exist sometimes?

What if I create these realities in order to distract myself from that notion. -Or maybe this is only part of my reasoning.

I mean, I am getting to know myself and I am the image of source so does that mean that I feel like this too in the void? That I don't want to exist? I'm told by many that I'll feel complete and I understand how that could come to be, I mean I'm not saying all the time, just sometimes, maybe I too just want to cease to exist. (At least for a while.)

And maybe that's why we sleep... to pause our existence for a bit.

Surely it must get lonely at some point. Being everything. And nothing. There's no escape. Just pure consciousness, being, existing.

And I guess that's why the question came to be.

What am I? What can I be?

Impulsed by desire.

To learn.

To create.

To experience.

After the revelation that I Am, I looked around me, seeing myself in every person, every projection that.. ultimately... I've created. And I was amazed at it, at everything, living or not being a direct reflection of all that I am.

I am more than I thought I was. I am everything I longed for.

But then it hit me, that it's all me.

And that which I had been seeking had been seeking me all along...

Because it's me.

And as beautiful as this is, for a split second I was like.. damn.

Because now when I see my loved ones, I see me.

When I see my enemies, I also see me.

And that intensity that I feel for both, I really feel for myself.

When I see love, I see me.

And when I see malevolence, I also see me.

I see the infinite potentials that I can be.

Still a glimpse of loneliness is what I feel for there is no separation then, between you and I.

I thought it was you are you and I am me and at least then I could blame you , make you responsible for yourself, say that I am better, say that we are different. Maybe then I could expect something from you and hold you accountable.

But really, it's I am you and you are me. We are mirrors of the same essence, of the same entity, of the same consciousness.

And so what if I created all of these projections, all of these realities to experience another? So that I could experience separateness, so that I could experience everything.

For the same ideology that you can't know what freedom is unless you've been captive and enslaved and you can't know what acceptance is unless you've been rejected. For someone who has never experienced lack will never understand that they are abundant. In that same respect, I could say that maybe I created everything so that I could experience it all to then understand nothing. To know what nothing feels like. Maybe I had to experience existing to know what it feels like then, to not.

And maybe I thought it would be funny to seek this notion of a higher being, a higher power, another in general terms, something other than myself only to find out that it's been me all along...

And what if I don't want to exist sometimes because I had to get to this point? Because I had to experience so much that I'd finally want to not experience anything at all. And then what if that's death? existence being the tight shoe you wear all day and death being the feeling of you finally taking it off at the end of the night.

Release.

An exhale.

A relief.

Peace.

Nothing.

It's just a thought really, just an idea.

But then again, so is reality. So is all of this. So am I.