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We Never Planned For The Last Moment

To Be The Last Moment.

By Sid l.cPublished 4 years ago 6 min read
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Late nights watching the sunrise sipping on liquor and inhaling smoke we never treated a moment like it was the last time.

A sense of invincibility got us through that summer at the start.

A bond created that I'll forever be blessed to have made.

We’d kissed and the world stopped and our hands always found each other in the sea of people at every party when no one was looking and watching us live in our moment.

The way you pulled my hand as we ran from the cops and looked back and we laughed in the dark alley trying to find our way back to the party.

Or the night we sat in the hot tub talking for hours, how nervous you were to kiss me that night because you wanted it to be perfect. The way you told me about it the next day because you wanted to make sure I knew you wanted me.

The way it was so easy to sit in the middle of a backyard and gaze at the night sky and talk and laugh about things you thought people would judge you for.

You brought a whole new meaning to my heart when it was broken.

I had never met someone in my life so selfless and more caring of others feelings until i met you that night when you asked me to go take shots with you in the kitchen, how easy it was to just be me with you when I kissed you and our friend hyped us up we both blushed and fell into each other like it was something we had been doing for an eternity.

Even from a state away we talked all day and night about the way you wanted to do better and be better for your family, for your friends.

You held so much love in your soul and all you wanted was to share it, and you knew you had to give it to everyone that brought their heart to you.

We survived through one of the toughest summers we all ever went through with the help of drugs and alcohol and a type of relationship neither of us knew how to navigate.

From trying to get so fucked up we could hardly function, we always found a way to hide away and talk or just be there not saying a word but being at peace in each others presence as we partied the sunsets into their sunrises.

How I would give anything to see your smile and feel your warm embrace one more time.

See the problem with you being gone is that we never planned on any moment we had being our last.

The way you traced the lines on my palms as you told me that you couldn't hurt your friend and you knew I wasn't ready to walk away from the mess he had me caught up in. You promised me it was all just the wrong time, right person, you smiled and told me how beautiful I was as I cried because I knew you were right and then I just didn’t fight, I let your kiss fade from my lips and your hands disappear from my grasp.

From there on everytime we saw each other we shared little private moments away from everyone and no one ever knew the depth of the conversations we shared or the way we did our best to stay a part of each others’ lives. Slowly you were pulled away by people around you with a new idea on how to live your life and you of course found the very best parts of the things you were doing, it wasn’t hard for you to find happiness in all things you faced.

But now you're gone, you're exploring the stars and you’ve finally found your bliss away from this earth.

I can't even explain how I've been feeling since you left this earth, just heartbroke, angry and lost.

And now you visit me in my dreams and all I have to remember them by are the tears from my eyes as I remember them when I wake up.

Now your family is never going to be whole again and thinking about that breaks my heart all over again, to know you’re never going to create your own family and chase your dreams. You’ll never get to grow old and go to bbq’s with all of us and experience all the life achievements you should've been able to achieve and celebrate with your loved ones.

You’re never going to do so many things, they took your light from the world and now none of us are okay.

I’ll never be able to see the beauty in the mountains after this, the view will always be so clouded by the grief of you being gone.

I let you get away, I fucked up and I missed out on growing something so amazing with a truly priceless soul. I’ll never forgive myself for letting outside influences let you get away from me.

The guilt I have for not trying to reach out like I wanted to, I never planned that the last conversation we ever had would be about the afterlife after adventuring in that cemetery late at night with our best friends.

And now you’ll always be the one that got away with such a heavier meaning behind it.

You’re gone and there is nothing more that i want than to go back in time and do things differently. Maybe you’d still be here, maybe there could’ve been some way to help you.

I’ll never be able to understand why they had to take you away from us, I’ll never be able to not feel completely lost.

You meant so much to so many people, and now we all only have the memories of you and your laugh and the unconditional love you gave to those around you. I only pray that you are at peace, that you are watching out for us left here and protecting us from the negativity in our own minds.

It’ll never be fair that you had to suffer and leave us so soon but I swear to never let you be forgotten, not even for a second.

Follow those stars and find the answers you were looking for.

We love you and we miss you Raymond, always.

It's all a state of mind.

love
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About the Creator

Sid l.c

Writing the things i stay up all night thinking about. Just trying to figure things out.

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