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Ways To Prevent A Breakup Before It Happens

by Ossiana Tepfenhart 5 years ago in how to
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Yes, it's possible to prevent a breakup — sometimes. Here's how you might be able to save your relationship before it falls apart.

Artwork by Louisa Cannell

If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that worrying about an impending breakup is one of the most nerve-wracking, self-esteem depleting, vile experiences you can ever get while dating or being in love.

It is a truly nasty, awful thing to have to go through — and it only gets even worse if you feel like it could have been prevented. There have been moments in my life where I looked back at an ex and wondered, "What if?"

It sucks, it really does. Though not all couples should stay together, you can prevent a breakup of a healthy relationship in many cases. Here's how to breakup-proof your relationship — at least, from what I learned.

Before you try to prevent a breakup, ask yourself if the relationship is worth keeping in the first place.

Before I actually talk about how to avoid a breakup, I want to talk about relationship quality. Having a relationship should not be hard. It should not make you feel suffocated, or like you're walking on eggshells around your partner. You shouldn't have to feel like you don't have any other options.

If your relationship brings you almost no joy, if you can't trust your partner, or if you find yourself giving a lot more than you're receiving, then this relationship may not actually be worth saving.

If you are the only one putting effort into trying to save your relationship, it also won't work out. It takes two to tango, and if your partner isn't helping, then you're already dancing a solo.

Part of winning at relationships is knowing when to walk away and realizing that it's often better to be alone than be in a bad relationship. Do not try to resuscitate a relationship that should stay dead.

Now that I've said that, it's time to get onto learning how to prevent a breakup.

The best way to prevent a breakup is to avoid getting serious with people who are bad for you in the first place.

Though a lot of people might deride you for being "too picky" or call you "snobby" for it, the truth is that being choosy in who you hang out is a very important way to look out for yourself — and your heart, too.

That's why the best way to prevent a breakup is to prevent yourself from talking to people who just aren't a good match for you. You can do this by being extremely guarded, and by being willing to cut things short the moment he's shown himself to be a bad match.

Approach any date with the same kind of due diligence that you would see a hedge fund manager approach a new investment. Look him up, make sure he's not taken. Find out if he has a job, and learn the scoop on the type of person he is.

Take careful note of any red flags, or any issues you feel may become problematic later on. Remember, you're not shopping for a "fixer upper," because people don't change. If something is somewhat annoying when he barely knows you, it'll be 50 times worse if you two end up in a long term relationship.

When problems become apparent, talk about them right off the bat.

If you are in a long term relationship with someone, it's crucial to learn how to address problems as they happen, as soon as possible. Leaving problems to sit and get worse will only cause you to resent your partner, and that, in turn, will cause a breakup.

Talking about the small things will keep them from becoming big things, and in many cases, can prevent a breakup from happening. Studies also have shown this to be true.

So, even if you sound like a Negative Nancy from time to time, you need to do it. It will be better for both of you in the long run.

Maintain healthy boundaries with your partner.

Boundaries are the difference between healthy, functional long term relationships — and abusive relationships that end in breakups. You need to establish and maintain healthy boundaries between you and your partner.

Basic boundaries, like being respectful to one another, acknowledging one another's needs, and even giving each other space, are all important boundaries to establish.

All people need privacy, respect, and security in order to flourish in a relationship. If your partner keeps impeding your right to privacy, keeps pushing for sex acts you're not comfortable with, or keeps disrespecting you, that relationship is doomed.

So, your best bet on learning how to prevent a breakup involves personal boundaries. Figure out what yours are, learn to say "no," maintain them, and find a partner who respects what those boundaries are.

Don't treat your partner like crap.

It never ceases to amaze me how many people treat their partners terribly, only to be totally shocked when their partner leaves them. Why would anyone stay with you if you do not treat them well? Moreover, if you love this person, why would you treat them badly in the first place?

Many people could prevent a breakup, divorce, or ghosting in their lives by just being more respectful. It's just sad that we don't see the forest enough to learn that lesson.

If problems are already existent, it's time to have a very blunt talk with your partner to decide if it can be saved — and how to save it.

Even the most well-meaning people will get stuck in a rut or will keep things bottled up when they shouldn't. It's just human nature to avoid problems we don't want to face!

So, if you are in a relationship where there are already problems, you might need to have a sit-down with your partner. Tell them that you love them, you want to be with them, and that you want this to work — but you need to have them work with you in order to save the relationship.

Both of you need to address the problem, and you both need to be calm, rational, and understanding in order to prevent a breakup between the two of you. If necessary, enlist the help of a mediator or counselor.

No matter what the issue is, many breakups can be avoided by coming up with a plan together and following through on it.

Lastly, expect relationships to last — but have backup plans if they don't.

The power of negative thinking is strong, which is why many people say that optimism can help prevent a breakup. If you keep thinking everyone will leave you, then they will pick up on that vibe and leave you. On the other hand, feeling like you're in it for the long term will make you more likely to stick by their side, and vice versa.

That being said, not all relationships are salvageable — and it's not a failure if you have a breakup. The best way to make sure you can leave a toxic relationship, if it comes to that, is to have a "breakup fund" so that you can remain financially stable if you have to leave.

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About the author

Ossiana Tepfenhart

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of New Jersey. This is her work account. She loves gifts and tips, so if you like something, tip her!

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