Verite Merlot La Muse

“I hate you!”, Ashley vividly exclaims.

BOOM, CRASH

The sound of shattered glass fills the room.

“Uuugghhh!!! Why’d you duck?! This one definitely won’t miss! Freaking jerk!”, Ashley yells as she throws another wine bottle at Norman.

“Stop it! You’re going to ruin the house! Please, let’s just talk. It’s all a misunderstanding. Let me explain.”, Norman tries to plead as he ducks again.

CRASH.

Now, you’re probably thinking to yourself, “What the heck is going on here?!”, well, let me explain.

This wine tossing encounter started about 24 hours ago...

It’s around 9pm in downtown Allenville. It’s a brisk Friday night in March. Norman just finished eating his dinner, a well-done steak, broccoli, a baked potato, and lobster puffs, and now he’s laying in bed streaming his favorite show. Ten minutes in, an ad pops up. The ad is for this new and convenient dating app called “MatchNMeet”. “Tired of spending your Friday nights bored and alone? Yearning for a soulmate? Looking for a quick, easy, and stress free way to meet new people? Look no further, download MatchNMeet and you’ll be on a date with the person of your dreams in no time.”, the ad says.

Hmmm, I’ve never really been into the online dating thing, but, it’s Friday night and I’m home alone. Heck, why not?

The escapade begins. Seconds after the commercial concludes, Norman sits up in his bed, grabs his phone, and downloads MatchNMeet.

“Not this one.”

“This one makes me look dumb.”

“Why’s my mouth doing this?”

“What the heck am I doing with my hands here?”

“These will do. Now, what should my bio say? It can’t be too long, sound corny, and it has to be somewhat interesting.”

Norman rubs his chin for a while before he exits out of the app and searches, ‘Best online dating bios’. After about 15 minutes of scrolling, he comes up with, “Norman Boswell, but you can call me Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome. I’m an accountant at a large firm and I’m new to the city. Looking for someone to make this castle a home.”

“Okay, DONE!” Norman shouts as he claps his hands together. “This is perfect. There’s no way anyone in their right mind would dare swipe left on this profile. My pictures are too enticing, and my bio is short, sweet, and very alluring.”

DING.

Norman’s profile is finished. He starts swiping away. The attractive and seemingly endless options expeditiously flash across his screen.

“They’re so pretty! Flawless! GORGEOUS! Mmm, mmm, mmm! I need it!” Norman constantly howled at his phone as his thumb swiftly swiped right.

Thirty minutes later, Norman reaches his limit and the swiping comes to a halt.

“Darn it! I can’t be done! How do they only give you 50 likes when there’s a million beautiful, flawless, people I could possibly be matched with?! But I’m sure I’ve probably already swiped right on the right one. I’m sure I’ll be getting a message anytime.”

Norman puts his phone on the dresser, then shifts his focus back to his show. Five minutes pass, then ten, then thirty, and now it’s been an hour.

He checks his phone, then sucks his teeth before he tosses his phone to the end of his bed in frustration. “This is all a joke. The only thing I’m about to MatchNMeet is my pillow.”

Norman gets up from his bed and then starts to prepare to go to sleep. He takes a shower, brushes his teeth, then puts on his purple, silk, sweat pants. He starts to reach for his phone, but retracts his hand. “There’s no point in checking for nonexistent notifications. I’m alone, not lonely.” He gets up under his red comforter and closes his eyes.

Moments later, “One quick check won’t hurt.”

“Was that my phone? Let me see.”

“Okay, that was definitely my phone that time.”

Norman played these silly mind games with himself all throughout the night. Sadly, he was winless in his own game. Each time he checked his phone, there was no notification, no match, no message. He was driving himself crazy.

“I know what will relax me! A glass of wine.” Norman gets out of his king sized bed and makes his way down the stairs into his kitchen. He grabs a large glass out of his cabinet and pours himself a glass full of Verite Merlot La Muse, some of the finest wine there is. He received the bottle as a goodbye from his last firm.

Norman ended up drinking about three full glasses of the tasty and exquisite red wine and found himself waking up on his couch the next morning.

It’s 9:32am Saturday morning when a phone call wakes Norman up. He checks his pockets, then rushes upstairs to his bedroom.

In a low, croaky voice, “Hello?”

“Norman! I know you’re not still in bed?! It’s 9:30am, go find me a daughter-in-law in that new city you’re in. I’m getting old son.”

He chuckles, “Good morning to you too mom.”

“Good morning son. Now, I’ll be coming down in three months. What’s the chances I’ll be meeting my daughter-in-law then?”

Norman pauses for a moment then replies, “Um, I wouldn’t recommend you hold your breath on it….BUT I have found someone.”

The excitement that filled Norman’s mother filled the phone. “What?! Since wheeen?! Tell me all about her!”

He pauses again, “Oh, um, wait, this is actually her calling me now mom. I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Oh, yes, yes. Please go. And tell her I said hey. Love you.”

“Love you too mom.” They hang up the phone. “Whew!”, he exclaims. “Close one. I’ll deal with that another time.”

As Norman takes a seat on his bed, he notices he has seven notifications from MatchNMeet. His face lights up with glee. He immediately opens the app and checks the messages. As he starts to scroll, the glee on his face swiftly turns to gloom. The first six messages consisted of automated welcome messages and ads. But, just as he was about to lose hope, he sees a message from Ashley Patterson. A beautiful, 5’7 middle school teacher that likes wine and movies.

Norman doesn’t waste any more time and texts her, “Good morning beautiful! How are you doing today?”

He then begins to pace around his room as he nervously waited for her reply.

DING.

He stops moving and opens his phone. “Heeeey handsome! I’m doing good, what about you?”, Ashley texts back.

Norman begins to smile and catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror by the bed. After that moment, the nerves left his body, and surprisingly, Ashley and Norman had an instant connection. It didn’t take long for them to notice that they had similar interests, almost the same background, and some of the same long term goals.

They started texting around 10am, started to talk via video chat by 12pm, and by 1:30pm, they had a date planned for 8pm.

“So, I’ll pick you up at eight?”

“Yeah, just promise me you’re not a handsome and charming serial killer.”

Norman chuckles, “I promise.”

“Yay.” Ashley giggles, “I’ll see you at eight Mr. Norman.”

“I’m looking forward to the pleasure, beautiful.” They smile at each other then end the call.

As soon as the call ended, Norman turned into the world’s best janitor. He started to rearrange stuff in his house, clean every crevice, and fill his guest room with items he thought Ashley wouldn’t like. Even though his house is new and he hasn’t been living in it long, he still managed to spend two plus hours cleaning it.

Now, from 3:30-7:30, Norman spent that time planning the date. He made calls to this place, that restaurant, and the other person just to make sure that this date was perfect.

Once 7:30 hits, Norman starts to get ready. He takes a shower, brushes his teeth, then puts on a navy blue button-up shirt, khaki slacks, and brown shoes. Ashley doesn’t stay too far, so he leaves around 7:50. He gets to her apartment, calls her to come down, and waits outside the passenger door with a rose in his mouth. He stands there for about two minutes before Ashley walks down in a stunning red dress, her melanin skin glowing in the light, her curly, black hair flowing down her back, and red pumps gracing her steps.

“Daaaaamn.”, was all Norman could say. Ashley blushes. “Sorry, but you look so beautiful Ashley. It’s nice to officially meet you.”

“Likewise Mr. Norman. You look taller in person. Also, I brought flats just in case you had some tricks up your sleeve.”

“Haha, well just a little wine tasting, minigolf, and dinner. Nothing toooo crazy.”

Ashley smiles, “Well, let’s get the night started hun.”

The night was perfect, well, the beginning was. They started the night by going to a local art exhibit that was sponsored by the wonderful wine brand Merlot. That helped ease any tension or nervousness they had. Next, they walked over to a nearby thrill park where they played mini golf. Their inner competitor came out, yet the moment was full of smiles and laughs. Lastly, since they both love seafood, they went to a popular crab shack in the area. If there was a picture of the perfect date in the dictionary, a picture of Ashley and Norman would pop up. Once dinner was over, Ashley asked a question.

“Um, I’m not trying to come off strong or “thirsty”, but, can I stay at your place tonight? I’m not saying anything will happen, although, we both are adults and it’s very clear that we like each other. To be honest, I like you a lot, and really don’t want this night to end. I hope I’m not moving too fast.”

Norman blushes, “No, I completely agree with you. I just didn’t want to be the first to say it.” They laugh and smile.

After they received the check, they made their way back to Norman’s place. They both poured a glass of the Verite Merlot La Muse and found themselves knocked out on the couch together as they watched their favorite movie. That is, until Norman’s husband came home from his business trip a few days early.

“Honey, I’m home!”, James yells as he comes through the front door.