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Unsure

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By Jo Little Published 4 years ago 3 min read
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She saw the way he looked at her, this was real. She'd never felt so sure of anything in her whole life. Or, to be more accurate, she'd never been so sure of a relationship in her whole life. She hadn't chased this one, she had resisted pursuing him! Call it self preservation, but she didn't want to feel like she was forcing him to want her. No, she wanted him to come to her. Thats not to say she was cold around him, She made sure as to leave him in no doubt about how she felt. For the first time ever, somebody had met her half way.

She realised now, that she had tackled all her relationships like this. Not just the romantic ones, all of them. In the past she had jump through an indefinite number of hoops to 'prove' her worth. Ironically, this made her less valuable.

Maybe she was overthinking it though, maybe she'd have gotten the same outcome if she's have been needy and a willing participant in the chasing game. But, and this isn't to sound sexist, but shouldn't the guy have been chasing her all this time?

Nope! She decided this balanced approach achieved the best results. She was never left wondering if her feelings were reciprocated. She just knew. And even thought there was still a nagging knot in her stomach that filled her with anxiety that she might lose him, she knew, that at least, if she did, it wasn't at the cost of diluting herself.

It was strange to think how far she'd come. There was a time when she was only saying the words and didn't feel them in her heart. She paid lip service to the idea of equality in a relationship but didn't fully believe it herself. But now she could put her hand on her heart and say that she would, never again, compromise herself to 'win' somebody over. She'd developed a deep seated belief that if somebody didn't want you the same way you wanted them, then really, there wasn't anything you could do about it.

She new it sounded cold, but it was true. If somebody doesn't want you, they just don't. It absolutely isn't personal because everybody has to do what's best for them and there's absolutely no shame in putting yourself first in matters of the heart.

it was astounding when she thought about it, She'd actually managed to reprogram her brain in possibly the hardest subject on the planet, matters of the heart. She knew a lot of people found logic in the argument of putting yourself first, but didn't believe it could be achieved without an element of game playing. But she hadn't played any games. He knew what she felt, she couldn't mask it, it radiated from her. But the difference now, is what she felt coming back to her wasnt projected. She felt confident in his feelings for her. She didn't feel like she'd manipulated him. She hadn't needed to win him over, she hadn't needed to prove she was worthy of his love. He had fallen for her all by himself, without any manipulation.

She was glad of this experience. And although she was still apprehensive that he'd change his mind (which had happened countless times before) she knew, without a doubt, that, if worst came to worst, and her heart was broken, she'd be okay. She never thought she could simultaneously be so sure of someone without feeling the nagging doubt of insecurity. Yes, he could change his mind at any minute, but so could she.

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About the Creator

Jo Little

a wannabe writer! If you like what you read why not send a tip 😁

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