Uncovering True Love

I had just touched the rim of my Merlot glass to my lips when the doorbell rang. "He's finally here," I thought to myself as I set my glass down on the end table next to my books. I hadn't been this excited in months; my belly effervesced with anticipation as I headed toward the front door.

I glanced in the gold leaf mirror that adorned my hallway leading to the foyer. I barely recognized my reflection. I spent almost 2 hours heat styling my hair into smooth, sultry curls - a little change of my pace from my everyday air-dried wild mane. I had even applied a little bit of eyeliner and mascara to the edges of my blue-green eyes. Lo-fi hip hop jazz played on my tiny bluetooth speaker and I began to sway my body to the soulful sounds.

I always feel most myself when dancing, and this special night was no exception.

The scent of rosewater and orange blossom arose from my smooth, fresh skin after I had soaked in luxurious bath salts and slathered myself from head-to-toe in handmade body butter. The textures of my cocktail dress felt comfortable, yet delicious as if they had been custom-tailored to fit my figure. I had to admit that I looked pretty darn nice. I smiled as I thought to myself that I should take the time to put in this kind of effort more often.

Even though I’m generally content with simply being in my natural essence, I had arrived at the understanding that there is something special about putting in a little extra intention when it comes to Love. It had been some years since I could genuinely say I felt that true and meaningful kind of Love that inspires. But I had been falling into Love again in recent months and everything in my life began to shift.

Doors started opening; opportunities I’d never have expected seemed to fall generously into my lap - a good sign that I had been opening up to infinite possibilities again. Albeit this time, a little more grounded and wiser from the journey.

Love is funny like that. It develops slowly, poignantly, in each small moment when it is chosen. Every forlorn habit that leads to exhaustion eventually transmutes into a humble acceptance of the journey back to Love. Sorrow from painstaking attempts to live outside of authenticity melts into grace.

There was no real telling where this night would go, and this time, no unrealistic expectations. After working a hectic schedule for much of the past month, I sat down with my calendar and chose this particular night to be special. Not because it was the marker or anniversary of anything previously significant, but simply because it was the most deliberate I had been about carving out time for such an occasion - well, ever.

When I thought back to how I lived life working through my shadows, I mostly recalled a deep sense of grasping. What I had been reaching for became clear to me, yet altogether distanced from where I knew I would be heading. I looked back at that older version of me with compassion. She did a lot of trying, which she ultimately couldn’t see was where the friction lay.

So this night was different. The effort put into making this night special was concerted, and yet, the feeling of it - a lot less like trying and a little more allowing, a little more flow, a little more ease.

As I made my way to the door, I scooped my wallet from my purse hanging on the wall hook. When I turned the knob and swung the door wide, there he stood, beaming with a smile and bearing my favorite tapas.

“You must be busy tonight, Kurt!”

“I got here as soon as I could, I hated to make my favorite client wait,” Kurt said with raised eyebrows and a toothy grin. "The dumplings are extra flavorful tonight. Hope you enjoy them!”

I tipped Kurt our usual 30%. His speed of service and disposition were always exceptional, and even though tonight’s wait could be considered average for delivery, I knew he must be super-slammed.

I carried my bag of goodies to the living room and turned up my music streaming station. I gleefully danced in place as I pulled the bento boxes from the perfectly-packed paper bag. I folded it neatly, thinking about how I might reuse it later this week.

I reached for my stemmed glass of Meet Cute Merlot from Bright Cellars Wine and at last took my first sip. Delightful notes of plum, raspberry, black cherry, and chocolate playfully romanced my tongue - pure heaven.

I opened my chopsticks and carefully unfolded the lid to one of my 4 bento boxes. Crab rangoon for the first course, it was. As I once again brought forth the intention of this night into my conscious awareness, I recollected the times I was looking for Love in all the wrong places. I audibly whispered, “I forgive myself for that," and decided I would enjoy this official first date with myself in peaceful surrender.

And there, in a brief moment, which may have appeared completely unremarkable to an unwitting observer, I had uncovered the very thing I was searching for out there was right in here all along.