Tying Knots

It’s April 2020, early in the morning and my alarm wakes me. I check the news, check at least 4 news channels before I’m out of bed. I quickly get ready and take my cereal to my desk where I turn on my laptop for a day of work and Teams meetings. I check the news every few hours on my phone. I have lunch in front of my laptop watching a funny sitcom to unwind. I then have another online meeting. More work, more checking the news. 6pm, I clock out and go for my daily bike ride, the empty city makes me sad as I cycle through once tourist-packed streets. I get suspicious looks thrown at me from people wondering if this is really my only exercise allowed a day. I then arrive home to turn on my tablet and have a zoom catch up with my friends; I drink my glass of wine while staring at their little illuminated faces organized in a grid. I then go to bed with my phone, check the news, social media, unread messages from the day. I finally put it away when my eyes become too tired to take it any longer. The next day I do it all again exactly the same way.

This went on for a few weeks of disbelief and thinking it will all get better soon. And then my flat mate moved out to go live with her boyfriend in one of those panic move-in together moves. I found myself alone in my flat with plants for company and anxiety inducing screens pointed at my face all day. So I started trying out hobbies. Baking was and still is a favourite, but living by myself I could never eat as much as I baked, and there was only so much I could leave on my neighbours doorstep. I thought if I did it more than once a week, they would think I was a bit strange. I started doing yoga every day. I re-painted all the walls in my living room. I painted little watercolours of flowers and stitched up all my old clothes. But none of my new indoors hobbies stuck.

One evening I announced to my mum over the phone: ‘I think I want to do macramé next!’ I had seen some DIY tutorials online and had come across some beautiful designs on Pinterest that made me very intrigued. The idea came all of a sudden and made me very excited. After announcing my new weird and wonderful hobby I ordered lots of macramé cord and eagerly waited for it to arrive. I was going to learn a new craft! As soon as I had the cord, I embarked on learning from online tutorials, all you really do is tie knots to form beautiful, varied patterns. My first craft was going to be a pillowcase. I learned the cord needs to be about 4 or 6 times as long as the finished macramé will be, so I started cutting even cords and then looping them on a stick. Measure, snip with the scissors, put to the side, and then repeat. Once I had all my cords ready, I started making the knots like the instructions in the tutorials directed. The process was meditative, and I loved that I was making something with my hands. It is relatively easy, all you kneed is macramé cord, a sharp pair of scissors, a wooden dowel or a stick and to know how to make various knots. I would sit there for a couple of hours every day tying knot after knot with my fingers and I felt calm, I didn’t feel the need to check the news ever 10 minutes, I didn’t worry about my grandparents, I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything. I would accompany this activity with listening to audiobooks and I had the calming knots and the soothing voice of Stephen Fry reading all the Harry Potter books to me. I started to enjoy lockdown. The pillowcase ended up a bit uneven but I was very proud of it and still use it to decorate my bed. After that I started making wall hangings and started to get creative with combining knots, colours and weaving sections. The first wall hanging I made turned out wonky and uneven, but I hung it above my bed and it brings me so much joy to look at it.

I still spent time on my phone before going to bed, but now it was to research techniques and get inspiration for my next projects. Any new knot I saw I had to try, and I experimented with macramé and woven abstract geometric designs, I had a go at making macramé leaves, I made a macramé lamp shade and a table runner. I was starting to cocoon myself in knotted macramé cord and woven yarn and it was so comforting.

Every time I sat down to pick up on a macramé woven project I felt calm and also primal. I thought about myself as a nomad woman weaving for her tribe. I felt like I was connecting to something deep inside of me that was beautifully feminine and powerful. A friend once told me about the etymology of the word ‘spinster’ which is now used as a derogatory term. The word used to point to a woman who was so good at weaving and spinning yarn, that she was financially independent and did not need to marry to support herself. Knowing this made me feel less anxious about being single with no prospects of meeting anyone for an indefinite period of lockdown. Knowing the true meaning of the word I decided, I definitely want to be a spinster and take back the word that society has distorted into shaming women to give in to the patriarchy and marry as soon as they can. My hobby became a feminist symbol for myself as well as a way to feel calm and escape the uncertainty.

When I started running out of wall space in my house, I started gifting my creations. Most of my close family and friends have received one for birthdays and Christmas and I love sending them in the post without warning knowing that they will receive an unusual parcel in the post and hopefully let them know I care about them and that I used knots to write them love letters.

I have recently started to entertain the idea of posting my macramé woven wall hangings online and once all the people close to me have received one, I would have a go at opening an online shop. I’m not sure if anyone would be interested in the results of my calming little past time, but I think it would make me proud to try to spread the message of calm and empowerment that tying knots now means to me.