two

For whatever reason, Bianca doesn't like to come to the city unless she's accompanied by someone, and most of the time that person is me. As long as I've known Bianca, I've always been the older one but I thought she was the prettier one. She'd always get the guys, she bloomed earlier than I did. I always thought she was so lucky. When we were in middle school, Bianca was the early bloomer out of our grade. Boys flocked around her whenever they could and she loved that attention. Unfortunately, the attention was garnered by just about everyone. Girls included. But the one whose attention it grabbed the most (and annoyed me the most) was this guy I had a crush on, Elliot. He'd call me every day after school, just to make sure I got home okay. He told me it was something his father told him to do. One day, while they had a class together, he asked the class for a spare writing utensil to take notes with. Bianca had one. And apparently, it was love at first sight from there. No more phone calls for me. Bianca took it all in stride, it was just another guy. She got bored of him once someone else looked her way. Elliot and I never spoke to each other again.

My phone rings.

"Hey, girl. Are you close?"

Bianca laughs, " Define close."

"I'll take that as a no."

"Nah I'm just playing, I'm not on black people time today."

"I mean... I don't think you even qualify-"

"Girl, I'm downstairs. Open the door."

I throw on my jacket, shoes and lock the door behind me.

Before going shopping Bianca wanted to get something to eat. We settle in at this quaint little eatery on West 76th.

"So girl, how you been?" Bianca looks at me eagerly. It's been months since we'd seen each other last. We grew up together in Westchester. Since I graduated a year before her, I moved to the city to work at Aunt Jackie's in Harlem. She was supposed to come with me and Aunt Jackie to help find an apartment on a few separate occasions, but she was always busy so we met up today to spend the day together and sleep at my place.

I grin, "I work, and chill with Austin, girl, same shit different day. ."

She purses her lips, "Nikki, what? You out here in Manhattan, living boughie, doing big things!" She emphasizes Manhattan with her shoulders, and at the same time her phone buzzes. She glances at it and her shoulders drop, full attention on the phone.

"Bianca, I'm just living life. Things with Austin are... Being maintained. I'm just doing me."

She places her phone face down, and looks me in the eye. "Nikki come with me to this party tonight in Williamsburg."

"I think I'll pass on that. Also, I don't think Austin would like that."

"Fuck what he likes! I asked you, not him. Not to mention I haven't met the nigga yet, so as far as I'm concerned, I have plausible deniability, girlfriend."

My cheeks were getting hot and Bianca was staring at me intently. There was no way she was going to take no for an answer.

"Alright... But I don't have anything to wear."

"KiKi, I got you."

I haven't heard her call me Kiki since we were in High School. The waitress walks by to hand us our check and Bianca swipes it before I get a chance to look. She raises her hand as if to say 'I got this.' I glance down at her signature and notice her handwriting, so cute, tiny and precise but the dot above the I in her name was a big obnoxious heart. I always thought it was so fitting to her personality. Seeing it sent a flush of nostalgia through me. She once won a penmanship contest in grammar school, it was all she talked about for a month afterward. Handing the receipt back to the waitress, she looks up at me. "I know just the perfect store for us to go to find you something! I'm glad I packed an outfit to party in. Ooh Kiki, since we're going out tonight, guess what that means?" She grabs my arm and squeezes it.

I look at her wide-eyed, confused.

"I'm getting some dick tonight!"

I crack up, look around and see a few surprised stares from a couple of employees in the store we were walking into. "Oh, I thought you were spending the night tonight."

"I definitely was but one of my favorite hoes invited me to a party tonight so I might stay with him. However..." Bianca looks at me. "Whoever gives me the most attention gets dibs... and this pussy." She puts on a goofy face and we both giggle.

We get off the elevator and the smell of weed hits our noses immediately. It got stronger as we approached the slightly ajar door. Music was blaring and the energy was pulsing in the air. The host, Bianca's favorite hoe, sees us and comes over, kissing Bianca and hugging me. "Hey you two, damn Bianca, your friend is baaaaad. Do I get a two for one deal tonight? And you smell good, you'll have a good time here."

Bianca sneers and smacks him on the back of the head. "Chill, puta."

Rubbing his head, he says to me, "Aight, damn. You smoke? Walk down this hallway and the room on the left is where everyone is. Drinks are in the kitchen. Find me if you need anything, ladies!"

Bianca was eyeing the kitchen and I was looking in the direction of the smoke room. She glances at me and nods in that direction.

"Go 'head girl, I'll see you in a bit. I'm gonna get a drink."

I'm not a party person, I never have been. I'd much prefer to sit, smoke and listen to some music. I wanted to be a good friend though, and what Austin doesn't know won't hurt him. Thinking of him made me heart drop. I immediately scanned the party to see if any of his friends were there, or if I recognized anyone. I didn't. I could let my guard down. I walk into the room where everyone was sitting, talking, passing the blunt. I smile sheepishly at the people in the room. They all nod at me and continue talking. I got in on the rotation before I found a seat because a few blunts were going around. I decide on a seat near the door so if Bianca came by she'd know where I was. I was feeling sort of anxious about being here in this room without her, but smoking was helping immensely. The guy sitting next to me taps my shoulder and hands me the blunt.

"You don't look like a girl who smokes."

I take a hit while looking him in the eyes. "What does a girl who smokes look like?"

He nods his head slowly, a small smile appearing on his lips. "You right, you right. My bad."

I shrug and giggle a bit. "Do you wanna try that again?"

His russet eyes were penetrating to the point where I wasn't sure if it was the bud that was making me paranoid or it was him making me nervous. Maybe it was a bit of both. Everyone was talking amongst themselves in the room and his attention was on me. It was a little unsettling but also really nice.

"I didn't mean anything bad by it, I mean... you look all studious and shit like, you could be a librarian. You're giving off serious Moesha vibes."

I could feel my cheeks getting warm. "You're tripping... but thank you."

"I'm Devon."

I nudge his shoulder and smile. "Nikki, nice to meet you."

"So how do you know the host? Are you here by yourself?"

"Nah, my best friend dragged me here... but she's probably in the kitchen drinking and mingling. I don't drink or party usually. I'm more of a smoker."

"Right, right. I knew I was on to something. You look like the type to be at a late night slam poetry where everyone is drinking coffee and snapping their fingers and shit."

"You're goofy as hell Devon, I'll take that as a compliment."

"As you should, because it was."

"I like your dreads. How long have you been growing them?" His crown fell past his shoulders. The twists were impeccably neat.

He nudges me. "Thank you. Technically, it's politically correct to call them locs these days, but I won't ruin your rep over it."

I burst into giggles. "My bad, dude." His wide smile brightened up our side of this dark and smoky room. As we kept chatting, I realized I was getting terrible cottonmouth. Devon agreed that he felt the same and offered to get me some water. As nice as he was, I figured I could get my own. Chivalry isn't dead and neither are luudes. I followed the hallway back to the kitchen and poured myself a cup of tap water. Not seeing Bianca anywhere, I texted her phone.

where the hell did you go

I sighed. I'll give her another 10 minutes and then I'm taking my ass home. I should have known better. Back in the smoking room, a few people were rolling up some more blunts. A girl sitting in front of the glass table licking the blunt closed looks up at me and gestures to smoke. Don't mind if I do! I take a seat and in walks Devon. He smirks and sits next to me. After being in the rotation for a few rounds, I decided I'm high enough to head home. I look to Devon and reach out to shake his hand.

"It was nice to meet you, I'm heading home."

"Already?" He asks, incredulously looking at his watch. "It's only 11!"

"Yeah, that's late enough for me to be honest. And my friend dipped so I'm gonna go."

"Well, at least let me walk you out. It's quieter out there."

We made small talk till we got to the bus stop.

"Thank you for walking me here, I really appreciate that. Not even my boyfriend would have done that." I sigh and shake my head. It's not like I was intentionally keeping Austin lowkey but I was having a great time with Devon, a better time than I'd had with Austin in months.

"Well, if that's the case, take my number. I can do a lot more than your boyfriend won't do." The bus came and he gave me a quick hug. I hopped on the bus and waved to him from the window. I looked down at his number and sighed with a sad smile. I know I can't call that nigga! I shook my head and leaned back.

When I woke up in the morning, the sun was shining through my red curtains. The red glow in the room was mesmerizing to wake up to. The breeze was light and airy. The squeaks and squeals of a truck's brakes outside were an indication that person needed to go to the mechanic quick, fast, and in a hurry. There's something so romantic about Saturday mornings. The hustle and bustle of the city are still there, it's still active but the feeling in the air is less chaotic, less frantic. I roll over to grab my phone and check my email. The usual spam, and an email from an automated bot from my school in Australia. Subject heading: Withdrawal from Course Study. My bright and shiny morning turned gloomy within moments. I tried to keep this reality at the back of my mind, but here it was staring me in the face. Australia is going nowhere. I can study in the states, ain't nothing wrong with that.

Austin opens the door and steps aside to let me in. His brother and father are sitting on the couch. Damien staring at his phone, Eddie at the TV.

"Hey, you two."

They both said hey and zoned out again. We enter Austin's room and within seconds I'm on my back on the bed.

"Damn baby, you smell good."

"Thank you, I put it on specifically for you."

"Smartass, you can't just say thank you? What you tryna do today? You know I have to work."

"I know, I've been thinking about Australia some more."

He rolls his eyes. "Here we go."

"You should listen to what I have to say."

"My bad."

"I was thinking maybe you're right. Australia isn't a good idea."

"Word? Why's that?"

"Well, I don't want to be far away from you and there are plenty of schools in the area I could go to."

His hands reach under my shirt and start caressing my breast through my bra.

"I think that's a great idea... you're so sexy when you listen to me."

Austin's finger danced around my nipple, my breathing starts getting heavy.

"Babe, you're distracting me."

"Oh, you weren't done?"

"No! I was thinking..."

His lips on my neck, he murmurs into my skin, "You were thinking..."

I lean into him, my eyes closed, my index and middle finger-walking down his chest. "We should go somewhere together."

Without skipping a beat, he unclasps my bra and says, "Go where?"

I look him in the eyes, "Jamaica."

"You're serious?"

"Yes, Austin! Let's go for Christmas. I'll just be me and you. White sand all around us. I love you. I want to travel the world with you. If you don't want me to go to Australia, we can go to Jamaica together instead."

His milk-chocolate eyes studied mine for a while.

"I love you too. If you want to go, let's go."

His hands travel further down my stomach, my hips, toward my inner thigh. He touches me and his voice rumbles through me. "You're ready for me."

He slides out of bed and starts to get dressed.

"I'm gonna work till the morning. Will you still be here?"

"I'm actually gonna head out too, I wasn't trying to stay the night. I just wanted to talk to you about Jamaica."

"Yeah right, you got another nigga at your crib."

"Are you crazy?"

"Video chat me when you get home."

"Okay, Dad."

'I'm not your father, just make sure you chat me."

Austin throws his t-shirt on, walks over to the bed where I lay naked still. He grabs my face by the cheeks with one hand, kisses me, and says goodbye.

I flipped through the channels once he left, silently fuming. Staying here and waiting till he comes home was an option until he said that but now I want to leave just to spite him. But if I leave I'm afraid we'll get into a fight. Fuck it. I hop out of bed and pull on my jeans, tank top. When I walk into the living room, Damien is nowhere to be found but Eddie is on the phone, quietly murmuring to the person on the other line, sipping a dark brown liquid. Selena is playing in his bedroom.

I close the door behind me and from the moment I step outside of his apartment building till I stepped foot on the train platform, I felt like someone was watching me. My palms were sweaty. I kept looking behind me but nothing abated that feeling.

When I got home, I breathed a sigh of relief. My past relationships were never this intense. I figure it's because he's older, he's been around the block so he's had his heart broken before. I've never given him any inclination I'd cheat or have been cheating but he always thinks I am. He's protective of me. I suppose I shouldn't be so mad at him. I video call him begrudgingly giving him the apartment tour.

He clears his throat. "I'm just being precautious. Can't be careful with girls your age."

"What does that even mean?"

"You young things are jumping from dude to dude thinking it's okay."

"Excuse me?"

"Did I stutter? Before you met me, you were going on dates with men, correct?"

"Yeah," I sighed.

"How many of them did you sleep with?" He got close to the camera, his hands open like he was waiting for an offering.

"We talked about this."

"Yeah and we're talking about it now. If I recall, it was 3 - and you had only been single, what- 8 months? Then you met me, so 4 guys."

"What's your point?"

"Women think they can just open their legs to whoever like it won't have consequences. Women bear children. It's not right."

"That's such bullshit! So men, can have sex with 12 women in 3 weeks and they're congratulated but I have sex with three guys in eight months and I'm a hoe."

"You said it, not me. But, basically! Men can't have children. Our responsibility to the world isn't as great as women in that respect. We take care of everything else. All I'm saying is you can't be too careful. Anyway, I'm glad you decided not to go to Australia. I'm happier with Jamaica."

Thankful to be off the subject (but definitely making a mental note to tackle this conversation later), I reply, "Yeah, me too."

I lay out on the couch. Austin looks at me and says, "I bet the weed out there is fire. When do you want to go?"

"I told you Christmastime. We haven't had a Christmas alone since we started dating. It would be romantic. Now, you just have to start saving some money."

"Yeah, right."

A customer he knew came in so he says, "Hold on babe."

After about 3 minutes of boisterous man talk, the video chat disconnects.

I text him

Alright... I love you too.

I put my phone on do not disturb and grind up some weed. I roll up a joint and smoke while walking around the block. I knew the honeymoon phase wouldn't last, but damn I can't wait till this phase is over.