Truth Over Feelings

It appears that there’s a common misconception. The misconception being that everything true, must align with how we feel. If it doesn’t feel good, then its automatically a lie and cannot be accepted. I see it all the time. I too, have been guilty of this way of thinking. We get so wrapped up in our emotional truths, that we neglect the factual truth because as some of us know, it’s painful to really look at and handle accordingly.

My first real lesson in dealing with the factual truth vs. the emotional truth was when I told an old mentor of mine, about a dream that I had. For context, I’ve always experienced very vivid dreams, since I was a little girl. I now know that sometimes those dreams are pointing to an emotional reality that I’m not addressing and some, are more than that. However, in this particular situation, the dream was pointing at an emotional reality that I was avoiding for the sake of belonging (more on that later). When I shared the dream with her, she basically told me that I was being led by my emotions rather than facts. She was correct. Although I didn’t want to admit it at the time, I had been dealing with so much on the inside and avoiding the right people and the right conversations that I allowed myself to believe something that I should have expressed and gained clarity on before making any decisions. It hurt, but I’m glad the lesson stung, because it taught me the value of asking questions, having conversations and most importantly, showing up authentically, ready to be honest about my experiences and concerns. Had I done that, I think that the relationship would have ended with me standing in my truth rather than hiding.

I couldn’t accept the wisdom that she gave to me for years because I was committed to being the victim. I felt like the environment was harmful (and it was) therefore, she couldn’t possibly give me any advice because it just “didn’t feel right”. I was completely ignorant to the fact that it didn’t feel right because my feelings were hurt and that was on me to deal with.

Some years later, I’m now able to accept the truth in that situation and in others that may feel uncomfortable but still have truth to offer.

I believe that the issue with living based on what feels good vs. what is factually true is that we’ve led ourselves into this place of reading “between the lines” and getting it all wrong because a lot of times, what we think we’re picking up on “between the lines” is actually a lie based on a past or current unhealed experience. The way to stop this harmful cycle is to simply ask questions and to accept proven truths, even if our feelings disagree with it. However, that’s obviously harder than it seems, because it requires each of us to get real clear and real honest about what it is that we’re thinking, feeling, perceiving, etc. Then, we have to be willing to be honest and vulnerable with each other about OUR truths so that we can get to THE truth. It’s a process, and sometimes, it’s a messy one but, when we live being honest with ourselves and each other versus hiding and being unwilling to accept anything that doesn’t align with our feelings, we deny ourselves the ability to live a truly authentic life.

I would challenge everyone, the next time you’re in a heated debate or your emotions are running high concerning a specific situation, ask yourself, “what is MY truth?”, “is it possible that I’m wrong?” “What do I need to ask in order to gain clarity?” Have the difficult conversations with people. We will never be able to unite if we can’t even talk with each other in an honest and authentic manner.

The truth, is that sometimes we need to move our feelings out of the way so that we can get to the truth. It’s a practice that we all should embrace because it will help each of us connect with our true, authentic self and our tribe. We are all worthy of that.