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Trust

It's a big word

By Renee .Published 6 years ago 3 min read
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Trust is a big word....

I met this guy my freshman year of high school and he was a senior. My friend had set us up on a date that lead to me losing my virginity to him a couple weeks later after spring break. We ended up being 'friends with benefits' type of thing till he graduated. This guy meant so much to me that I would do anything for him, even after he ended up being a shady asshole that gave me an STD and I almost had his baby. He was such a selfish person that he only cared about himself and his image. I was that girl he fucked in private and friends in public basically. I was so mistreated by him that I let him do that to me and mess up my future relationships with other guys, which it did. We continued to have an on and off thing for 5 more years.

This guy led me to believe that it was okay to be treated the way he treated me. Throughout my high school year, we'd see each other for 3 months straight then stop then he'd come back like nothing even happened. We both had fun together, our vibe was amazing and we got along so good.

As years went by, I didn't always make time for him. I did my own thing, enjoyed myself and had fun. Whenever he'd come into the picture, I was stupid enough to let him in. Wasn't long that he got me pregnant, I wasn't able to tell him because he never bothered replying to me so I got an abortion. I did it all by myself with no one by my side. I was alone. Soon enough I told him but it didn't concern him. He apologized but his apologies didn't mean shit to me.

I went on with my life and started living and not caring to look back on things. I stopped talking to him. Wasn't long before he started getting in contact with me.

It was after I broke up with my ex-boyfriend that we started to see each other again. Little did I know that he had a girlfriend and a baby mama, I was the side chick. Even though I always knew I was the side chick for 5 years, I didn't care. It hurt knowing he's a 21-year-old man and was still playing his childish games with me.

After finding that out, I cut him out of my life. For me, I don't want someone like that in my life.

Looking back at how I let someone hurt me like that is ridiculous cause I knew I deserved better than that. I don’t want to blame him for everything he did to me but in a way, it was both of our doing. I continued seeing him after all my friends told me he was bad news. I didn’t care at the time how he treated me because I was a freshman in high school that was hooking up with a senior. I felt like a badass in a way but that was the old me before I got hurt by a stupid boy. Whenever we’d stop seeing each other it felt like a weight was taken off my shoulders – like a lot. I was relieved about not having to worry about someone that didn’t care about me. He knew how to play his cards right and I was too blind to see it.

I’ve learned not to fall into any more of his traps. Even if it’s with him or another guy, I always have my guard up no matter what. Its guys like him that I’m scared to be with.

I will never forgive him for all the hurt he caused me.

breakups
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About the Creator

Renee .

expressing myself

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