True love

The Merriam-Webster dictionary’s definition of love is quite complicated. An oversimplified definition is an intense feeling based on kinship or personal ties, or sexual desire, or common interests. Other words for love could be fondness, tenderness, intimacy, devotion, adoration, idolization, passion, desire, lust, infatuation, compassion, care, caring, regard, concern, friendship, kindness, charity, goodwill, sympathy, kindliness, unselfishness, benevolence, brotherliness, sisterliness, humanity, affair, romance, intrigue, amour. Never has one word had so much meaning. I would debate it may be one of the most important words in the entire English language.

Love is so complicated to define because there are so many different types of love; first love, lustful love, young love, puppy love, romantic love, family love, brotherly love, self love. All of these loves are different and passionate in their own way. Today I want to talk about true love. True love is everlasting, evolving, and enduring. And at times it may not be pretty, but it is always there. True love comes with time and maturity. It has washed away all of the hormones and veils and truly sees the other person. Truly sees their soul with faults and all, and still loves. True love is the ultimate goal in that once you have it all of your other goals seem less than.

I have had many loves. Some seemed so strong that the absence of that love was physically painful. Some of these loves were destructive and took years to mend from. Some of these loves were fickle and fake. It has taken me years to fully understand and to be able to offer and receive true love. Now that I have, I would like to share it with you, my meaning of true love.

True love is gritty and honest. It is telling the other when they are wrong, and most importantly not holding it against them. It is accepting when you are wrong yourself, and being able to apologize when need be. True love is helping each other see the right path and lighting each other’s way. It is being an outside perspective for each other. You are not doing your partner any favors by blindly supporting them heading down the wrong path.

True love is communication. It is being able to have the hard conversations, correcting miscommunications, and telling each other when there is something wrong. It is so important to be on the same page. Not communicating builds walls and creates festering boils. Truly loving your partner is telling them how you feel and allowing them the freedom to do the same.

True love is being content in the calm moments. Sitting quietly, allowing each other to think. Quiet reflection allows for processing emotions, planning, and daydreaming about the future. The quiet moments allow for growth. Life does not have to always be fast, furious, and exciting. This also means avoiding and not creating unnecessary drama. Everyone needs some down time. Give that to yourself and your partner.

True love is letting the other completely be themselves. Even if it means letting them save empty boxes, splatter grease all over the kitchen, or never fully finish a project. It is letting them have a billion hobbies or just one intense passion. It is giving them the freedom to just completely be themselves and accepting every single part of them.

True love is being on the same team. Having each other’s back. Wanting each other to succeed. Working together to build the future you both desire. Always pulling each other up instead of cutting each other down. Picking up the slack when the other’s burdens are too heavy.

True love is willing to stay and work it out. Not threatening to leave. Everyone has a line that should not be crossed. That line should be clear. I am not saying that if you love someone you should let them cross your line, but threatening to leave constantly only creates insecurities. Leaving your partner should not be thrown around as a bargaining chip. Your partner needs to know they can count on you to stay during the good stuff and the bad. True love is being able and willing to talk it out until it is resolved.

True love is understanding that everyone makes mistakes and deserves a second chance. Now, a second chance does not mean to allow someone to be a repeat offender. The first time is a mistake, the second time is a choice. Clear boundaries and expectations are needed when mistakes are made. And giving a second chance means not throwing the first mistake in the other’s face, as hard as that may be. True love is graceful, kind, and forgiving.

True love is not being jealous. Jealousy stems from insecurities. True love should help alleviate those insecurities. It is totally fine for your partner to think another person is fun, beautiful, or smart. And it is totally fine for you to feel that way about other people than your partner. There is no need to be jealous of that if you are content in the fact that your partner truly loves you and knows and respects your clear boundaries. It is also important not to be jealous of your partner. True love will rejoice in each other’s successes and good fortunes. Knowing that a win for your partner is a win for you. Sometimes these feelings creep up and it is important to think about and understand why.

True love is hating to watch the other suffer and being willing to take the pain to keep the other from suffering. True love is hearing the sound of your partner's broken heart and being there to help mend it. True love is pushing through the pain to live another day to be with that person.

Love is not perfect, but true love is worth it.

Throughout this article, I use the word partner intentionally. If you google the definition of partner, the first thing that comes up is “a pair of people engaged together in the same activity”, which we all understand and expect. The word partner has become a very common word to describe people in all types of relationships. However, further down in the definitions of partner one that strikes me: “a timber framework secured to and strengthening the deck of a wooden ship”, which I find almost more meaningful. As a partner, we should aim to be each other’s “timber framework” to strengthen each other’s “ship”. It would suggest that to be a partner, you would be each other’s backbone and support system. To me there is no more romantic analogy or testament to true love.