Need Vs Love

There are a few things in my life that are relentless. They just never seem to stop. I think I have a handle on it. I let my guard down. Then, WHOOSH, it is back out of control again. Things like laundry, and people wanting to be fed. For the love of GOD, learn to feed yourselves! I don’t know who put me in charge, or why, but it NEVER stops.

Sometimes, I just want to run away and live in a house made of sticks in the woods. Think of how wonderful that would be, to sleep peacefully, all night, uninterrupted on your bed of moss, only to be awakened by the gentle love songs of beautiful birds and warm sunshine. To spend your days crafting all of your needs from the gifts of nature, and to graze on the endless bounty surrounding you. When the clothes you have crafted from leaves and paper-bark become dirty or torn, you can just toss them in the fire pit to warm you at night. Sometimes I get lost in this fantasy. I may have spent an unhealthy amount of time thinking about this.

I think some people equate “need” with “love.” My husband says, "But you are the most loved person in the world. Look at you, surrounded by all these who love you.” Meanwhile as I lay in bed begging for a moments peace, I am piled upon with animals and children begging for one thing or another. Love is free and unselfish. Love gives and expects nothing in return. Love is good. I feel it. But need is different. Need is something that drains; it slowly erodes away at your soul, until it has deep, canyonous wrinkles like those of a great-great grandmother. Need is a pile of pressure that stacks upon your back and never leaves, only piles higher and higher. Need steals; it steals time and happiness, and is riddled with guilt.

I don’t want to be needed. Need suffocates. I want to be loved. I will give endlessly, tirelessly, without end, if I feel loved.

So what makes me feel loved?

Pitch in! Don’t just sit there, in full on chill-axing mode, while I run about doing chores. Do you live in this house? Do you eat this food? Do you use these dishes? Do you wear these clothes? If you really think about it, how selfish is it for someone to expect you to do things for them that they can do themselves. Here is an analogy: If you were out in public, and your shoe came untied, and you are fully capable of tying said shoe, would you expect someone to tie it for you? NO, because you are capable of doing it yourself.

Should you just sit and browse the internet while I cook, clean, do laundry, do yard work, tend to children, and on, and on, and on? Is it unselfish? Is it giving, like love?

Love would pitch in without any expectations in return. Love knows that things are better when done together. Love would not have any problem with that. I would not have to ask Love to do that.

Spend time with me. Life is not about big forced family fun vacations or extravagant anniversary hotel rooms; it is about the journey, the long way home, the little details. It is about using every moment to spark a feeling or a memory. It is about smiles, smells, warmth, and laughter. Love knows that even in the most mundane trip to the grocery store just your presence makes me warm. Love knows that it doesn’t have to be complicated, a walk around the park to pick flowers will do. Love knows that sitting on the porch daydreaming together gives us a future hand in hand, not apart.

Tell me so. Am I brave, am I strong, am I a force? Am I loyal, kind, giving? Am I smart, witty, clever? Tell me why you love me so. Love is forthcoming. Love holds nothing back. Love is vulnerable. Love is not in competition with me. Tell my why, boost me up. Bring my strengths to the foreground and I will feel your love.

And when I feel your love I will give endlessly, tirelessly, without end.