To the Ex whom I Christened with his Own Beer.

I was sat alone in that hostel when I met you. I felt alone, in fact I was alone and I had been that way for months. I had escaped my hometown tormented by the abuse I had been through, and hurting because those children I loved were living miles away from me because of what had happened to us. I met you in a nightclub where I danced the whole night away for the first time in months. I wasn't the best looking chick in the world, because I wasn't well at that time. I was scrawny, dressed in clothes that barely fit me, and spotty, and I felt worthless because I had noone. You were watching me dance, and you smiled at me. You had a very sunny smile, lovely eyes and you were wearing Calvin Klien jeans. I wished I could buy clothes like that, but my life had been ruined.

When we left that nightclub, we sat on a bench and we talked for hours, laughing, smiling, crying and happy. We had the most deep and meaningful conversations for many weeks, and I thought 'Oh! he understands me. This could be the start of something new. After many battles with my mind and a deep-rooted fear that what had happened to me might repeat itself, I decided to give it a try. I was happy, thinking I'd finally found someone who didn't try to change me, but supported me instead. You discovered that I had no money because all my money had been stopped because of my situation, and yes! you still stood by me by buying drinks and food. You listened to my sad stories of what had happened, and you also made me laugh with your silly jokes and taste in music. I thought I had found something that would last, as we had been getting on for three months. Three months! I can hear you say to me, but those three months were the only times during those nasty years that anyone had actually treated me right.

You made promises of getting a job, taking on my children and you even asked to marry me. Oh! how stupid was I? I believed every word you said to me, because you made it sound so convincing and true! You spoke of buying a house and having me move in, telling me that you only wanted to help me with my situation, though there was just one thing, that should have set alarm bells ringing in my head wasn't there? You never once told me that you loved me. During that last month, you started seeing me less and less, and being late for dates. I knew you were hiding something from me, but my mind didn't want to believe it. I mean how could I? You were kind, oh so committed, caring and funny, and you even tried showing me you had a heart. What a laughing stock was I? I who took hold of your friendship, I with the sensitive, warm personality you said I had, and I who had built my hopes and dreams around you.

During the last month of our relationship, you called me, to say you wanted to see me. I argued back, and asked you where you had been for the last two weeks because you hadn't bothered with me. You gave the flimsy excuse that 'work had taken over' though you only worked part time, twice a week. It wasn't long before my own mind took over, and realised you had brainwashed me into believing something that wasn't true could exist!

I decided I was going to see you. I had put up with enough bruises and broken bones over the last few years before we met, and I'd had enough broken hearts to last me a life time. I didn't have any money, so I got a friend to lend me some clothes and do my make-up for me. I walked into that pub with my head held high, and I let you buy me a drink. I sat at the table allowing you to talk, trying to figure out whether this was the same man that I had fallen in love with. I listened to your ramblings for at least an hour, before you threw it at me. "My ex-girlfriend is four weeks pregnant." There! you finally spat it out. All those weeks of treating me like a princess, had suddenly been confirmed to mean nothing, other than a way of allowing you to play with my mind. I was hurt and seething with anger, and I didn't reply to your stupid comment, which by the way was the most stupid thing you had ever said to me. I realised I meant nothing to you, and I wasn't going to allow your games to play on my mind anymore. Out of frustration and anger, I picked up your beer and threw it over your head.

You see, I had that very day, just walked away from that hostel I was staying in, and I was in pain because someone you knew had hurt me there. I thought I could turn to you, but I didn't want to turn to a womanizer.

What you don't know, is since those events, I got back on my feet and married a man who stood by me through all the pain, even at breaking point. I have been with this man for over 21 years, and he picked me up of those streets I ran to after what I had been through, and has looked after me ever since.

However, today I want to thank you, because you taught me a lesson. That lesson is to always see my self-worth and that is something you can no longer take away from me.