To All the Ones who Said Dad, and to the Ones Who Didn’t

The irony of my situation is quite funny. The song “Daddy Issues” — the remix by The Neighborhood — is playing in my ears as I write this very sentence. And if anything, almost a third of people out there can relate to this song, especially the “little girls” that wished that their dads “did whatever they could do and run away and hide with them.” That aside, Father’s Day was upon us, honoring the ones who stayed and the ones who left, the ones that were taken from us, and the ones who stayed but were never really there.

Although this day might leave some of us thankful, it also leaves a lot of us with a bitter taste on our tongues, and well for others, it doesn’t even register. Personally,it leaves me, well, I never really remember it until I see the thousands of posts about dads and realize — honestly — we don’t really exactly care here.

I like to think a father is the one who gives life to you, so, for example, Darth Vader is a father, as he says that very clearly in the movies. Walter White is a father; no one actually decides to manipulate his own kids that much. In other words, you can thank your father for the vessel you’re stuck in for, well, studies say, 72- to 73 years. What I’m trying to say is, Father’s Day is for fathers, whether you like it or not. It’s for all the fathers worldwide, even if they’ve never been called “Dad” a day in their life.

Now, dads, these are the big guys that sing you to sleep and carry you to your bed, the ones who check up on you and provide you a backbone. They don’t even have to be all that; they’re the ones you know will always have your back even if now you’re in the “well, we’re not really on speaking terms right now” type situation. The ones you will run back to, the ones who, even reluctantly sometimes, will always have their arms open.

More than anything,, this relationship that happens to be simplified in a “Dad” is very complicated. Many times it could start with “Daddy!!” to a “Dad” to “Yes, Father.” And for others it will forever be “Daddy’s home, Mama,” or at least it will always feel like that. And it makes it so much more complicated when the ‘Dad’ is complicated. And so let me let you in on a secret: everyone is complicated; you just never really look hard enough to realize that your dad too has fears, hopes, and dreams. And well, it’s his first time on earth too.

My father, in my eyes, is the greatest man of all time, a human in every sense of the word. I saw his anger and hurt, and his betrayal,, even when it came from him. I saw his regret, and I saw him trying to fix things. And to me that is the greatest lesson of all time. He isn’t just a dad; no, he is also a human, a person. I saw his love and heartbreak. And of course, like every dad, he tried to cover it up and hide it, but as I grow older, the more clearly I see it. The man behind the mask, I see the man himself. I think he deserves to be seen, all of him, not just to be loved for what he is, but for who he is.

For the ones whose fathers left and never came back, the ones who dreamed of that one person they wished most would come walking through the door, and ones who cursed his name out every night as they held themselves on the floor with tears burning their way down their cheeks, even for the ones who actually couldn’t care less anymore. Truly it isn’t your loss at the end of the day that man might be celebrated on Father’s Day, but he has no one to say it to him, because simply you can’t be a dad without someone saying it to you, and even then, you can’t be a dad without all of them saying it back to you.

You are the missing piece of his puzzle, but he isn’t yours.

To the ones with the terrible fathers, the ones with loud voices and louder hands, the ones quick to judge you and quicker to hurt you, I will not say, “Stay strong,” because sometimes there is no strength; sometimes there is just “Why?” The whiplash of having a ‘dad’ but an abuser in one body is something that makes the heart and mind fight. Because “no, wait, don’t hurt him” but then “please don’t hurt me, Dad,” can be very confusing. And to those souls, those that feel helpless, those with their hands around their bodies, or their minds trying to keep up with their heart, learn a lesson. Abuse can make a person two things: the monster they feared or the savior they wished for. So be the savior, because if you truly sit your father down on the kitchen floor, both of you with a full glass, he too will have a story to tell, and nine times out of ten it won’t be much different than yours.

So happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there, and sucks to be you if you were just a father. And to all those who have ever said “Dad,” and to those who never did, you can always be the version you grew up with or the version you’ve wished for.

Always yours,

Noura Eltaheia