Tinder Universe

I have done online dating for years. YEARS. I have done Plenty of Fish, OKCupid, Match, Bumble, Hinge, and even tried Seeking Arrangements.

I do not go out often enough, and have not really put myself in positions where I could meet people that I am interested in. I have gotten brave and asked people out when I have seen them out somewhere, but this was a rare occurrence and when I was much younger. Enter - online dating. *Tinder has entered the chat*

I have used Tinder on and off for a long time. I don't think I have had any more or less success with other applications of the same nature to be honest. And they are all more or less the same to me; in regards to the types of people you encounter on them, anyway. Bumble seems to pride itself on more of a looking for a serious relationship idea, where as Tinder is known for more of a casual dating or hook up application (although, I have heard myths (??) that people have actually met their long-term boyfriend/girlfriend on there, or have even met the one they marry. Blows my mind, really)

I have encountered all sorts of people; the typical "not looking for anything serious" types to "interested in dating" to "looking for a third to add to our relationship". The thing is, the more I swipe, the less I have faith in that I will actually find "my person". Ever. I would like to think that there is a chance even if it is online, since I can confidently say that I do know 3 couples who have met online (through Facebook) and are married today.

I have lost count of how many dates I have actually been on at this point. And I have maybe a success rate of an average of about 1 out of every 5 dates are someone I would like to see again, but this is all dependant on if I happen to have more dates within a year or not. I swear I've had years where I at least met an average of 8 new people and therefore, 8 new dates. But the average for success usually is about the same. I have noticed that usually within a two year time period, I meet someone who I will date consistently for about 3 months. Even more rare are the instances where I date (usually on and off, and even then, is that even considered dating at all?!!) someone for an extended amount of time - usually years.

I have wondered if I just have the worst luck in relationships, or if I am actually meant to be alone in this life. I have come to terms with the latter, and have been comfortable being alone for as long as I can remember. But dates are fun, and it is fun to meet people that you can get excited about. So my dating experience has never been out of desperation but rather with the only expectation being a fun experience with another person. And NO - stop right there - I am not talking about THAT fun experience.

But if someone was new to Tinder (we will use this as the example) and excited about going on dates and meeting new people, I think there is criteria for one to follow for the best experiences. The best advice I could give based on my years on dating sites and recalling the best experiences I have had I would narrow it down to these things:

-Read profiles carefully. Inspect their pictures. Obviously if the profiles read poorly, sound too scripted, and if their pictures are not of a person in a real live space, blurry, or really old - avoid these people. They either are fake profiles, or might be pretty boring to spend time with. Or sometimes they are married. People you engage with should have profiles that reflect that they are interesting to engage with.

-It's okay to talk to someone for sometime before meeting or even before actually giving them your number; I do not need some stranger blowing up my phone. No one needs messages from people they are not excited about.

-If you can't get the flow of a good conversation online, save yourself from meeting them in person. It'll avoid an awkward date. People are way more carefree online considering we have enough people on the internet saying whatever they want already. I have never met anyone who was talkative online and less talkative in person; if anything, I was able to see if there was sexual chemistry in person AFTER talking to them and getting to know them online. I had a baseline to start, and hopefully enough repatorie to continue a good conversation or start an even better one.

-I would err caution going to their house. Unless you are looking for a hook up and you feel like you can feel safe in that situation, I would advise not to. I always like meeting people in person, in a public place. This should be common sense, but there are people out there who do not have any filter for their safety and people who will take advantage of that.

I personally always chose to get myself to the first date at least; I am not dependant on anyone else if I want to peace out or if the date is just not that fun - I could do without an awkward drive home. Also, for safety reasons.

Tinder, Bumble, PlentyOfFish...does not matter which one you're on, you'll meet some interesting people - But just as if you would apply for a job online, read as much as you can and engage with the ones that fit with what "sparks joy"; you'll have a much better date and possibly more than a one date experience.

Unless you're my younger self..and oh boy, have I got stories.