TikTok Relationship Hacks

Let’s talk about using TikTok as our North Star to navigate past toxic relationships when our emotional compass gets magnetized to the wrong people.

Yes, I said TikTok. Work with me. Suspend that disbelief. Let go of your inner Becky and believe.

I’m happily surprised to report that TikTok wisdom is here for us and I have a curated offering to get us off the ledge.

We all have stories of relationship hellscapes to tell. I’ve told mine so often I’ve got it down to this elevator pitch: I recently survived marriage to a narcissist who loved to gaslight me, emotionally cheated and finally just walked away right before our 30th wedding anniversary. Divorce was last September, the day after our 31st anniversary.

If the elevator is taking a while I add: Then, after getting jerked around by a string of emotionally unavailable men, I let myself walk into the arms of a guy who turned out to be living with someone. This made me the “other woman” in his emotional cheat.

And yet I walk the planet with a smile and still date thanks to my fellow TikTokkers.

I was Charlie Brown running at the football full speed and every guy was Lucy yanking it away so I'd free-fall and come crashing down.

How does that happen to a savvy, educated mom of five?

I loved him more than I valued myself. I needed to be occasionally cuddled more than I needed to be chosen. I needed the sex and minimal validation more than I needed to be with someone who texts back within 24-hours and can offer me more than a one-word “conversation.”

Spoiler Alert: I hate the “Hey” text after a long radio silence when it comes from someone I’m emotionally invested in.

To make it all stop I adopted what I call an “Attitude of platitudes.” Little video lifts that I save on my phone to watch in the appropriate moments. It’s a portable video therapy affirmation catalog of TikTok’s greatest hits.

Hush now Karen, I’m not saying therapy and long videos, etc. aren’t effective for many people.

I’m saying I’m a survivor who would like her emotional pain patch upgraded to an on-demand-level fix that is available in a one-minute delivery system - TikTok.

Because let’s be honest, we know inside of a minute if something is going to help us feel better.

“Stop holding on to people who aren’t holding on to you,” is where I began on YouTube with Trent Shelton. The sad reality is that anything as long as most YouTube content pushed me over the edge into wallowing.

Thank you. Next.

What I needed was bite-size pick-me-ups and fist-pump-WOOT moments to pop like psychological breath mints that refresh my emotional browser.

I needed TikTok therapy.

“Stop making someone a priority who is making you an option.” (Thank you @lebunny)

“There’s a huge difference between someone who spends time with you and someone who makes time for you.” (Kudos to @DeniseOllinger)

If you just need someone to drop some positivity bombs and remind you “Now go out there and kill it like the badass you are” my number one pick for an affirmation slay is @artistically_sinful.

And of course, the Mack Daddy of them all is @supdaily (Chris Thompson of Devver, CO) for his ability to cast his puppy eyes at the camera and let us know he’s not there to lecture us or whip us into shape. Supdaily is there with us in the trenches.

His lessons for “Fellas” are both instructional for the male population and validation for every woman, everywhere on every issue.

“The most commonly asked question over the years is ‘How can I tell if he likes me?’” Sup says in a video. “The answer is: He’s around. He’s consistent. He makes an effort. And if he’s not doing those things then he doesn’t want to be with you. And the reason you’re asking that question is that you want for that not to be the case. But the answer, especially with men, is that if they want to be with you they will put in the effort.”

I hate that and love it at the same time. It makes me cry with loss, frustration and relief at the same time. And then I feel better. And it took under a minute.

How do you deal with being ghosted? Supdaily says, “It’s a gift. Do not make someone a priority who does not have the ability to do the same for you.”

Every one of these TikTokers is basically finding new ways to help us make the choice to pass on running at the football. They’re also teaching us, minute by minute, how to not be someone’s emotional football.

Take that TikTok break as your mental health break. Feel better?

Now go out there and “make this day your bitch.”