Three Things Every Woman Wants

Making a woman happy seems impossible. We are so complicated, right? The truth is, we are a bit complicated if you look at each nuance that makes us a female. We notice small things that can indicate something is wrong, from the color of one's skin, to the infliction in a voice, to the temperature of someone's forehead. We then run through one thousand and three scenarios attempting to figure out what has caused the change, diagnose it and find a solution. Just like men, we want to fix things. The difference is that women need to fix emotional and physical ailments within other people and men have an innate need to fix the material things we rely on for basic survival.

Once we understand how we are both different and similar, we can begin to understand one another. For a woman, it is essential to have all the information about thoughts and feelings of another human being, in the same way a man needs all the facts about the gun he is about to shoot or the car he is about to work on. You cannot diagnose a gun's misfire or a car's clanking if you know nothing about the gun or the car. For this reason, those questions that men see as petty or nagging are essential tools for a woman. She needs to know everything about the object of her passion, and her passion is her family. So, what are the three simple things in her complicated world of diagnosing all things internal and unseen? Here they are...

1. Honesty. Now, I am not talking about the run-of-the-mill honest approach to a direct question asked where a little sugar and a whole lot of dancing happens around a question. I mean unprovoked honesty. If you came home late from work, don't use the excuse that you worked late if, in fact, you slipped into a bar for a drink. Tell her you stopped for a drink. If she is unhappy about this, have the conversation about what makes her uncomfortable. Is it jealousy? Is it that she misses you and feels there isn't enough time with you? Is it financial concerns? It doesn't matter what you're lying about. The fact that you have to lie in the first place means that you know what you did was going to upset her. So you believe you'll avoid the problem by lying about it but really it is making the issue larger - now there are trust issues on top of the original objection to the thing in which you lied about.

2. Self-discipline. So, you've mastered the art of being honest. But being honest does not excuse bad behavior. So, you checked out another woman. No big deal. You were honest, you hurt her feelings and you apologized. Mistakes happen. But if you continuously check out other women everywhere you go, your blatent honesty isn't going to get you off the hook. Yes, I've heard the saying that you can still look at the menu. But if you can't have enough self-discipline to stop gawking at every girl you see in public, you probably wouldn't have the self-discipline to say no IF any of those women gave you the chance. Moreover, you're teaching your wife or significant other that her feelings are less important to you than a one-minute glance. If you aren't happy with her, if you have to check out that menu to see other offerings, why not just stay single and sample that menu? The funniest thing about this point is that when women check out other men, and salivate over them pointing them out to their girlfriends, the fragile ego of her man gets bruised. If you wouldn't like it if she did that to you, don't do it to her. Men are visual and I get that, women are more emotional. But if she starts looking for the attractive traits to her (being the emotional ones) in a man, you will surely lose her. A woman does have to go deeper than a physical glance to get turned on, but if you're doing it, why shouldn't she? What is good for the goose, is good for the gander. She should always feel like she is the only woman in the room to you.

3. Integrity. Okay, so you have mastered honesty and you've mastered self-discipline in front of her. But what about when you're not with her? Do you act, say or do things that if she was to watch some hidden camera, you'd be okay with it? When you get out and away from your wife or significant other, that isn't the time to act like a single fool. Again, if you want to be single, be single. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But a woman wants a man that she can trust. That means someone that when she isn't around will do the right things. How can she submit to you with all of her being if she can't trust you to be honest, to be self-disciplined and to have integrity?

A final note - women do not want to run things. They aren't control freaks, and they do not want to nag, pick or be your mother. They do want an honest man that can admit his mistakes, sincerely apologize, respect her and her feelings and do all of the above when she isn't looking. If you lie, she will feel it. She really has been trained to see the small subtle differences in voice inflictions and body language. If you check out other women, she notices even if she doesn't say anything. And if you act difference when she isn't around, and she hears about it, she will never trust you again and will believe it is all a front or a facade. She wants to respect you. She wants to believe you. She wants to give you all the decision making authority. But she has to know that you have her best interests at heart and if you aren't doing these things, I can guarantee you she sees you as her enemy, not her partner. No matter how you think she will react, go to her and admit your past failures. That is the first step to rebuilding the trust that she has likely already lost, even if you think she doesn't know. She will be mad in the moment but trust you for a lifetime with a little bit of work.