Thoughts and Confessions From A Single Person

When I sat down to write this personal piece about me, I was hesitant and unsure of how I wanted to let my thoughts out. Hesitant because sharing such thoughts would undoubtedly give me a sense of vulnerability.

A thought kept nudging me relentlessly into sharing my thoughts nonetheless.

It's risky to be vulnerable but at the same time, it might be well worth it - something that you might need to do.

This is about being single in a world that seems like everyone else is in a relationship. It's also about self confidence.

Maybe someone will find this story and be able to relate to it. Maybe as someone reads this, they’ll realize that they aren’t as alone as they thought they were and in turn maybe I won't feel so alone.

These thoughts were the very motivation I needed to get these thoughts out and to share with anyone that happens upon this.

I’m one of those few that has known a majority of their life being single than they were not. The last time I was in a relationship felt like a lifetime ago. Save for one fairly short-lived relationship of two years, I’ve never really dated. Being with someone has always felt so foreign to me even when I was in a relationship. At one point, I wasn’t used to saying I was with someone.

Maybe that was a lack of confidence on my part.

I should make it clear that before I go any further that this is not a pity story of sorts in which I’m sad and frustrated about being lonely and never really being with someone.

In fact, it is the opposite. At least that is what my every intention is.

I’ve (almost) always been single not because I was unfortunate with dating but because I chose to be. I’ve never really dated whatsoever because quite honestly, it’s just not for me. Both online dating and the preferred old-fashioned way.

It’s not for me simply because I’m not really looking for anyone and I don't feel like anything's missing. That doesn't mean I wouldn't ever want to get into a relationship some day.

But the way I want to fall into a relationship is to fall into it gradually! That’s it! Let the feelings between me and another unfold and happen naturally! One should never rush into a relationship and I certainly don't want to.

I have never wanted to seek out a relationship just to satisfy loneliness or to fulfill societal pressure although I have been tempted plenty of times.

It might just be me alone when it seems like everyone around me has a match (trust me, it might seem that way, but it’s really not!), but I am confident being alone. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t ever want to be with someone when the right opportunity comes.

That doesn’t mean I don’t get romantic feelings every now and then that breach and crack through my icy cynicism. As much as I roll my eyes and say I'm not really a romantic, maybe deep down in a down to earth sense, I really am.

Alone, but surely not lonely, a fire of confidence burns inside me only threatened to be smoldered out by the occasional uncertainty and doubt. I only hope that the confidence I feel inside me radiates like the brightest beacon in the darkest night.

So here is me being vulnerable writing my thoughts late into the night.

It might just be me alone but for right now, I wouldn’t have it any other way.