those wrong pursuits of happiness

"If you want to be happy for an hour, take a nap; if you want to be happy for a day, go fishing; if you want to be happy for a year, make a fortune; if you want to be happy for a lifetime, help others." From this proverb, It's clear from the book that money can't buy happiness and joy.

Now, it's theoretically understood that money and other outward signs of success don't ultimately make us happy, because we know some celebrities who don't have a happy life. But on another level, we don't believe, or at least don't believe this applies to us as well. Money may not buy other people's happiness, but we imagine that if I lived in a better neighborhood, lived in a better house, and drove a fancy car, I would be happier than I am now. We have a disconnect between theory and imagination because, on the one hand, we know that theoretically money cannot buy happiness, and on the other hand, we believe that money can buy happiness.

Dr. Kristin Carter is a Senior Researcher and author of the best-selling book "Honey Dots". In the book, she writes about finding your best and happiness at home and at work, which she calls the honey spot. She believes that a large part of the reason is that we are not pursuing fame and fortune, but happiness itself, and we are using the wrong way to get happy because we don't know what better way to get happiness. Our trips to the mall may bring us short-lived feelings of pleasure and joy, but can it bring us a deep sense of happiness and fulfillment in our lives? Does this feeling ultimately make sense in our lives?

Psychologist Baumeister Roy tried to find the difference between living a life of high happiness and a life full of meaning. He believes that happiness is a positive feeling and emotion. We are happier when we have good things to come; we are happier when we are satisfied with our partner's children, and we are happier than those with negative emotions. And this blissful period is usually short: an hour, a good part of the day, a good vacation. Going to a wedding will also bring us a feeling of happiness. You are infected by the wedding, plus music, food, and friends gathering, which is short-lived happiness.

However, weddings do give meaning to our lives. Because the wedding represents a lifetime commitment, a commitment to love and nourish others, a commitment to share weal and woe, regardless of disease and health, happiness and sadness, and a lifetime companion. It seems that meaning is much longer than happiness, and usually, if something is very meaningful, then it will make you happy at some stage or throughout your life.

Things get interesting, and we now know that some people's lives are meaningful but unhappy, and some people's lives are happy and meaningless. Although very few people have either experience, usually most people's lives are an overlap of meaning and pleasure. Baumeister's research found that some people live a life full of happiness but little meaning and these people tend to feel good about themselves, at least for a limited period. They rarely conflict with others, worry less about anything, and live smoothly. They can get the life they want, but they give very little, and if they have the ability, they will not give it to others. They do not think too much about the past and the future, and generally do not think deeply. They are often a group of shallow, narcissistic, and selfish people. Maybe some people choose this state of life, but because the growth of any life has adversity, many difficulties in life are not under our control, and happy life will not last long if it has no meaning.

On the contrary, there are people whose lives are extremely meaningful and unhappy for a while, such as Martin Luther King, Mandela, and Gandhi, who lived in the most uncomfortable places during their prisoner days, with the worst of the body, and the deep pain of the soul. The researchers certainly couldn't find any joy in their lives, and their poor situation could lead them to develop extremely negative emotions, possibly to depression or suicide at any time. How satisfied are they with life? May be zero. But this is a great group of people whose unhappy lives only exist for a certain period, and their inner strong beliefs make life meaningful. The researchers found that these unhappy people led particularly meaningful lives, observing bad things that befell them, thinking deeply, and spending a lot of time reflecting on their struggles, stress, and challenges.

A compelling study shows that when we pursue happiness, we define it as being synonymous with "I'm happy, I'm content," but these don't end up giving us deeper emotional fulfillment and don't make us live At the honey spot. We have always believed that the pursuit of happiness is an inalienable human right, the main driving force behind mankind's creation of the future, and our own business. Is it wrong to pursue happiness? Is life a search for meaning rather than happiness?

We should forge links that are stronger than our happiness—giving ourselves to others. Well-being tends to follow the following meaning: A meaningful life produces positive emotions and deep social connections, which increase our satisfaction with life. Many studies have shown an undeniable fact: happiness and generosity are closely related, and the happiest people are often the most altruistic. When we help others in meaningful ways, we feel compassion and love within us. We also often thank ourselves for being well, and even take pride in ourselves, and our ability to help others. And most importantly, we see those who have been helped by us become strong, with strong social values, and we will feel a strong sense of happiness within ourselves.

So, Helen Keller said: "People have a wrong idea of ​​the pursuit of happiness. It is not achieved by self-gratification, but by a noble purpose. A happy way of life, not for ourselves, but for For others." The happiest life is not getting what we want, but giving ourselves to others.