This Watery Earth

Not every Capricorn is obsessed with money and inherently cold. That’s the opinion of people who, forever reason, felt threatened by our presence. I’ve been in situations where people hear Capricorn and immediately they put their guard up or whip out their extraordinarily limited understanding of what the sign represents. Oddly enough, I’ve been in the presence of a Capricorn other than myself since I was born. I can tell you this about us—we are some of the quirkiest, silliest human beings. Admittedly, yes, we can appear cold if anybody pisses us off or chooses disrespect over common sense. Specific to myself, I resonate greatly with the major identifying tenets of the Capricorn sign. Though I be a person of earth, my moon sign resides in Scorpio, a water sign. I am in many ways a rock filled with water.

They say we are fundamentally responsible, serious, efficient and rational. True. We are. I am. Friends often come to me for advice that they know will be logical and founded on critical thinking. Sterile as it may seem, that is my truth. Being a serious efficient person has proved wildly beneficial, I graduate class salutatorian in high school and magna cum laude from Howard University. I approached work assignments believing full well in my abilities to get the job done effectively every single time. I worked one job in the morning and rehearsed for a theatre production in the evening for at least 3 years. The opportunity to job responsibilities fuel me more often than I would like. As stressed as I may have been during an assignment or rehearsal, the alternative was doing one thing or not knowing what to do with my time before or after, which for a while was terrifying.

Then something shifted. I wasn’t completely changed nor did I want to be. I believe the shift came with age and relationships that taught me, that opened me. I can’t say I was completely unaware of how intense my emotions could be. Maybe it was after I graduated from undergraduate and was met with existential dread or that breakup from a 3-year relationship. My mid-20s revealed my Scorpio moon, my planet of emotion. Costar says my emotional self is intense, passionate and a bit dramatic. It’s true. I weep, secretly, behind closed doors. The Capricorn in me won’t show deep emotion in front of other people. Relationships have been damaging because of it. One lover even questioned if I had a heart. I am not Tony Stark, I do have a heart and it is delicate. Therein lies the misconception about Capricorns. As unyielding and grounded as the earth is, or as an earth sign can be, the earth is comprised of much more than hard rock.

“Capricorns are workaholics. Capricorns don’t know how to have fun. Capricorns don’t express emotions well. Y’all are mean.” Are we mean or is the other person damaged by one experience with one person who happened to be a Capricorn? We create these systems of judgement rooted deeply in our trauma. That lover was a Capricorn so they all must be money-hungry. I’ve worked for $10/hr and was happier than I was when I was getting paid handsomely. I’ve had one friend even say, upon seeing my birth chart filled with all of the elements, that said chart made sense that I was a nice Capricorn. I laughed. Reflecting on it now, it made perfect sense. He wanted to see the myth before the man before him. He, also being an Earth sign who justifies his playboy tendencies by his Gemini placements, on a molecular level wanted me to be this one version that matched every version of Capricorn he had known. In many ways, I am all that Capricorn. Work-centered and emotionally shut off but then there is the water in me. Like the earth we live on and the bodies we inhabit, I am like full of water. Call it Scorpio if you like. I call it balance.

We are all stardust. Atoms from stars years ago fell to the earth and the stars keep falling. They are on our skin, in our cells. We not only own the star signs we are born under and the chart that was written into our destiny at the exact time of our birth. What’s wonderful about all of this star sign business, at least for me, is that I am Capricorn and I am Scorpio and I am neither of these signs or their notoriously divisive traits some days. I am a rock filled with water, an ocean on fire, a whirlwind beneath the sand. Or maybe I’m just an emotionally dramatic, workaholic revealing the hidden traits of my people. Only the constellations can say.