This Toddler Has The Best Opening Line I’ve Ever Heard

My friend’s four-year-old officially has the best opening line I’ve ever heard in my life.

On Facebook today, one of my friends posted “[kid’s name]’s opening line on the playground is “Hey, do you want to talk about ghosts?” I wonder how that’ll hold up in 10 years lol.”

My answer? PRETTY FRICKING WELL, MY DUDE. PRETTY. FRICKING. WELL.

Why This Is The Best Pickup Line I’ve Ever Heard

Lords and ladies, let’s break this down.

First, just read it again: “Hey, do you want to talk about ghosts?”

Can you possibly, possibly think of a more attention-grabbing opening line.

No, “hi, I’m [name].” No, “what do you like to do?” No, “hey, pretty lady, mind if I join your sandbox?”

NOPE.

He gets right to the point. He immediately opens up a conversation with a universally interesting topic for four-year-olds. Because who the eff ever does not want to talk about ghosts.

Either no one or very boring people, that’s who.

Four-year-olds aren’t boring. They haven’t learned how yet. The ones I’ve met are still curious, still interested in the world, and there is not a single child I have yet encountered who wouldn’t want to talk about ghosts. He’s started a conversation on a fascinating topic that will engage 100% of the target’s attention.

Oooh, does he have a ghost story to share? Can I tell MY favorite ghost story? Can we talk about why ghosts definitely exist?

Kid is IN.

What Adults Can Learn About Both Pickups and Marketing

Honestly, if I was in my 20’s and a guy was sitting next to me at a bar, turned to me and said, “hey, do you want to talk about ghosts?” he would have my complete and undivided attention.

Many of us have encountered lame and/or boring pickup lines. Hopefully we’ve been kind to the person delivering them, even if we weren’t interested, because I can only imagine the type of courage it takes to just walk up to someone and start talking.

Note — if you let them down gently and they persist, be less gentle. If they get annoying or in your face about it, be utterly merciless. We do not tolerate that bull****. But unless they’re creepy from the get-go, there’s no need to go 100% scorched-earth.

For one thing, how will you escalate? Terrible strategy.

Anyway.

The four-year-old has mastered the art of the opening line, and this can be applied to anything — writing, speeches, emails, overtures of friendship, drunken pickup lines in bars. He instinctively used all of the important points of openers:

1. Start with the unexpected.

Possibly the last thing I would expect from someone walking up to talk to me is “hey, do you want to talk about ghosts?” It confounds expectations. It takes a second to process.

2. Confound expectations, not norms.

Ghosts are an unexpected opening line. But they’re also incredibly innocuous. Even if you start talking poltergeists, the target of the approach is unlikely to be uncomfortable with the subject. You’ve caught their attention in a way that is safe.

3. Appeal to curiosity.

Ghosts. Enough said.

4. Start a Conversation.

He didn’t just walk up to other kids on the playground and start spewing ghost facts. Honestly, that would be a little weird. If you do that, you’ve made the other person your audience, not your equal. He strikes up a conversation, which is far more successful than a sudden and unexpected ghost-lecture.

Conclusion: Be This Four-Year-Old

If this kid can keep his excellent approach skills into his teen and adult years, he has got it made. He’ll need to keep the person he’s talking to’s interest, of course, but the door has definitely been opened.

And if he’s interesting enough to have that as his opening line (which he obviously is), he’ll have no problem being interesting enough to talk to.

As writers and humans, we can all learn from this child. If you’re trying to catch someone’s interest, be unexpected, be interesting, be harmless, and start a conversation. Boring opening lines don’t work, in the playground, the bar, or the office.

And remember — if in doubt, begin with ghosts.