This is Why a Man Will Never Leave His Wife for Another Woman

“When a neighbor gets divorced everyone thinks of his own wife.”

~ Swiss Proverbs

Hmm.

The above quote can be taken two ways.

When a neighbor gets divorced:

a) A man thinks of his own wife and what new experiences may exist for him beyond his marriage, or,

b) A man thinks of his wife and the thought of facing his own divorce makes him shiver in his dirty boots.

Honestly, the latter option screams the truth here.

You know those lengths of sticky fly paper? They come in a box with the ribbons all neatly rolled up inside. Fresh as a daisy. Then, the box is opened and the sweet gluey film is unwound and dangled to attract flies.

Unable to resist the moist, gooey nectar, a fly lands on the strip for a taste.

The fly is happy. He sets about regurgitating his bodily fluids onto his piece of sugary territory and in turn, laps up all that is on offer — a warm haven that feels soft and comforting with the added food-on-tap perk. He can eat as much as he wants here minus the energy it takes to hunt.

Before long, the fly quickly learns that the sticky ribbon wants more than a fly-by ejaculation from him. She wants all of him. She plans to keep him on her glue-trap forevermore.

He may try to resist the sticky-trap. I mean, there are just so many other sweet ribbons to explore. But he eventually concedes and winds up getting stuck, committing to the ribbon in a flashy wedded ceremony where every other fly and his dog shows up to witness him sign a piece of sticky paper.

It was red for passion and love.

The fly embarks on his new reality. He builds a “sticky” life with the ribbon. The fly-trap is now immovable. It’s clingy substance pins down his wings and claims his freedom but it also provides him love, keeps him clean and tolerates his bullshit.

So, he settles in and accepts his sticky ribbon as his forevermore.

He’s going to die someday anyhow. May as well be with the ribbon he knows.

Years pass and the fly becomes restless. His love for the ribbon transforms into a familiar, cozy kind of feeling. The saucy passion wanes and his sugary piece of land isn’t as sweet as it used to be.

Fueled by lustful desire and an existential midlife crisis, he may begin to look at other sticky ribbons.

He might even be brave enough to dislodge his wings to set flight on an À la carte ribbon venture.

He discovers what he has been missing in the form of other, just-out-of-the-box strips of sticky fly paper. Fresh as a daisy.

He may even begin to regurgitate on another piece of fly ribbon.

His groin is burning. He becomes addicted.

The fresh-daisy ribbon makes the fly feels alive again. As if he has a new lease on life. His wings are tingling. His heart is a thrill and his soul is soaring.

Lord of the Fly almighty, the fly can fly!

But then he discovers that the new sticky fly paper wants to keep him all to herself on her syrupy piece of ribbon. She wants to fly with him forevermore.

The fly freaks out because that means risking his livelihood and worse still — change. The big D-D-Divorce word starts to flutter the tips of his wings. His tiny fly hairs prick with fear. He cannot forsake the comfort he has built with his wedded fly paper. He has a mortgage, fly-kids and a reputation to think about. Not to mention that the prospect of paying insect-alimony is enough to send him into a tailspin.

Bellyflop.

The fly turns around faster than a human can grab a can of bug spray. He licks his wings and nestles back into the ease of his familiar wedded fly ribbon. It’s not nearly as passionate or loving on this piece of paper strip, but for now, his ego has been stroked and his comfort zone is still intact.

Holding him. Supporting him. Feeding him. Tolerating his bullshit.

Forevermore.

You know how they say that a man will never leave his wife for another woman?

He won’t.

Men are like flies.

***

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