Things That Married People Can't Say To Singles

Sundays are meetings. The meetings where you get along with other people to share the message of hope, forgiveness and gatherings. And I have been there for a few years hoping that one day after all these things I have been dealing with since I'm single, I could have a little of a miracle for a companion, a friend and perhaps in the future a husband.

But here I am as always, sitting in the third row by myself while surrounded by families and couples using my superpower of invisibility. Where there's no even a person reach out to me before the service, not even a greeting and I got used to it.

After the service, I stood for a couple of minutes and a acquaintance showed up greeting me, asking me how I was doing. She was in her late 50's but for her age she looked good despite her growing grays in her hair and a few light wrinkles in her eyes. As I explained about what's going on with my life with the ups and downs of the lack of dating she listened and later she just give a few pauses while thoughts running through her mind she finally says:

"You Don't Need a Man. You need Jesus!" All with a smile on her face, like she completed some type of a mission to encourage me.

Ok, that wasn't expected, but she gave a quick praying for me before I'm just about to leave to go to work and she goes on her merry way back to her husband and her teenage sons.

But I feel like this. People who have that privilege of the gift of marriage, specially women who doesn't step out of their comfort zone of female modernism, can't say "You don't need a man" to single women out there. Because by the moment these married women will be changed into single moms from divorce or death, all hell breaks loose.

Trust me, being single isn't fun. Specially when you spend years figure it out tf is wrong with you in terms of finding companionship or perhaps going for a relationship. And people have been given me some ideas of how I should "live" my life based on their opinions. Since I didn't have that chance of going for the next step by walking down the aisle, I have been looking in the past for the right mate. But after a few hits and misses, I have been stranded between giving up my dream of being a wife and keeping on surviving, pretending and covering my shame of singleness all at once.

For their perspective of married women who married young, they don't know the sleepless nights worrying about our singleness make us worry about physical appearance wane over time. They don't know our tired eyes product of working ourselves with two or three jobs just to keep our roof over our heads. They don't know what it means NOT being chosen to be walking down the aisle and have a record of failed relationships; damaging our hearts and protecting our own boundaries and walls with barb razor wires. And I wonder, they're the lucky ones, because they choose housechores than to figure it out how much you have left on your bank account and how to implement the next course of action until payday.

Don't get me that excuse that you feel neglected when your husband goes to work and even take overtime! At least you have not to worry about a roof over your head. At least you have that experience of motherhood. Some, including me, will never had that. Others will either be a mother without a husband, or not be able to have that power of procreation (due to infertility or lack of sperm donor). I'm one of the few stuck with those two. And still have that ability to smile and be hopeful about tomorrow. Even when in reality I'm pretty falling behind and I'm running like the chicken with the head cut off (trust me, I saw those videos on YouTube).

Words that many friends and acquaintances tell me from the get go are just as blended with a little bit of agro-passive commentary with a dose of pity. This is just a slight example of these words:

"You have to heal yourself." Really? I have been doing a lot of healing and still there's no man in the horizon and also, for every bad moment, my mind goes back into that that moment when trauma hits. It's not impossible, but it sure is a pain in the butt! And yes, there's days or nights when I feel disconnected from people. It just is what it is.

"He's gonna be when at least I expected." How? Where? When? Why? Are you a psychic? Are you a prophetess? Did you know what my future will be like in the next following weeks or months? My anxiety is kicking my butt. If I keep looking I will find a lot of frogs to be pressured to kiss for the sake of having a relationship. How can I stop being anxious over having this encounter? See what these words made me do? I have been everywhere, in public places and in the comfort of my own home hoping this person will appear when no one, even me, is not looking. Only to end up with empty hands.

Love yourself: This is the most infuriating at best! We go out, we go to take care of our skin, hair, make up, we go to the spa, we go and do hobbies (or should I say being forced to go to those painting activities), go to the club, dancing, drinking and all that. And we don't love ourselves? I'm sorry but something is messing with your brain and it's not the temporary gas shortage. I think loving yourself means, send toxic people to hell and do your own thing without judgement. And still, we get judged about when you're gonna get married. *Shaking my own damn head.

And for religious women: "You need Jesus!" Seriously, we all need him one way or another but here's what he won't do. Physical interaction. The most important aspect and form of "communication" and affection designed for humans. Many women and men who are devout of having these things, are mostly bitter, angry and depressed people (Me included) who are trying to at least get somethin' somethin' on the side. It is great and fabulous when you're privileged with a husband that at least you can feel his warmth at night, but for single women, sleeping with a heavy comforter on a sunny hot night, isn't gonna cut it. We need to hear a voice that isn't our own or Google Home, who can answer or give insight of our opinions. We need a helping hand. And I can't discredit him in many ways, but we single ladies need a human being to complement our lives and our role as women.

To end this, please married couples, understand our plight, understand our loneliness, and understand our worries, our dreams and hopes for a family. We want to get to that point, even if we get old. We want to get to that stage. Just because you got married at your 20's doesn't mean you have to demean single ladies who hasn't walked down the altar. If you don't have something constructive to say, save it, please!