The 'WHY' of everything.

'Why?' To me, it's a very important question. It holds on to me as much as I hold on to its answers. I'll be honest. I am lost. In many ways... What (uh... ok then.) does it mean to live? There's so much I want to do and I want to do it all NOW!!! I am laughing as I'm writing this. As someone who has only recently gained self awareness; this world has a new filter on it. Maybe the filter that used to be there is now turned off... ...I notice more now. The subtle nods and grimaces. The slight irritation and coy smiles. The covert joy and hurt.

The interesting part about it is this: these things were always there. My ability to only now perceive them is at times a terrible burden or a glad occurrence. Whichever form it comes in, I do cherish them quite so. Maybe someday I'll talk about the day I became self aware... the epiphany of my consciousness is one I will never forget. Its like one of those core memory things from 'Inside out'. (That's how I feel about the experience anyway.)

I have a lot of them. I suppose I'm being all melancholic about it because I recently saw Pixars 'Soul'. Give it a try if you get the chance. Anyone who has strong EQ will definitely like it. However I found myself more engrossed in the interaction of my two friends who I watched the movie with... One a rather arrogant skeptic; another, an agnostic idealist. Now, as someone who is fairly good friends with these two gentlemen, I was rather amused at the disapproving grunts of the former at any point empathy or selflessness were portrayed on the screen followed by retaliatory annoyed frowns of the latter.

Here were two fine adults of society, both accomplished individuals, friends for years having such antithetical reactions to the same thing. Moreover both were not so upset at the others possession of a different view but rather for the fact that their outlook was held in disregard by the other. Also note here, no love was lost in this battle since the subject in question was not their person but simply the way they opt to see life. To me, that is where the beauty lies. In accepting someone else's view as exactly that. A view.

Yet so many times we end up considering the words and thoughts of others as a personal attack on our beliefs and traditions. Culture is good. Culture is enriching. Tradition is binding. Beware of tradition and its influence. The gasps of disbelief and horror!!! When a girl chooses to wear flannels and jeans over a dress!!! (Don't know about where you live but it's pretty bad here)

A male specimen putting on SUNSCREEN!!! *angry mob voice* HOW DARE HE!!! AWAY WITH HIM!!!!!! SAVE THE CHILDREN!!!!! OMGGGGGGG!!!!!! MERCY LORD!!!!! SAVE US!!!!!!!! *screams of agony*

A slight exaggeration maybe but you get the idea. So why? Why is THIS what a boy does and THAT what a girl does? Why is THIS a good life and THAT a bad life? Why were these rules set? Why did they come about? These and many other 'whys' bother me every day. They hinder my existence. *sigh* what I would do to simply fly away to some tropical island and live in happy solitude...

...maybe pack in a good amount of sunscreen though. In any case, since it seems as though I am stuck in this godforsaken plane of existence for the foreseeable time I have decided what I will do!!!!! I will have fun!!! By destroying every thing that is considered 'NORMAL' *snickers in evil*

Look. Heaven knows I won't be here forever. What good is it if I don't get a few laughs out of this? So I will be a little outrageous. Possibly people might create labels for me and call me things. Good. I wanted to go down in history anyway. For you see... ...the good may be remembered; but the bad are never forgotten.

I tried being good. I really have. It was useless. So now I'll be not so good. Don't worry I won't go about doing any crimes... (Finger's crossed I won't HAVE to) I really have all but one intention. To find the answers to the 'whys' that bother me. Who knows, something good might come out of it.