The Truth About Tinder Dating

Spring is in the air and rooftop season is upon us. If you’re from Chicago or any metropolitan city with beautiful skyscrapers and overly priced gin tonics, you’re in for a treat.

Because this is also the time for love (or flings) to linger in the air. For most of us, millennials, we’re stuck working nine-to-five jobs, balancing school, a household, and maybe even a family of our own.

Which is why, in terms of engaging in any sort of social activities, we look to Tinder for inspiration.

A few years ago, when I moved into my very first apartment, I was looking to expand my circle, meet someone new, date, and see what I can gain from this.

At first, I resorted towards going out to lounges, mixers, and even enrolled in a French school to indulge in "nuits de vin" with my fellow classmates. Everything became expensive after a while. I decided to have a little bit of fun and joined Tinder. I didn't fully understand it at first.

Like, what is the etiquette? Can I be the freak that I am behind my corporate blazers or do I stay classy?

There are just so many ways to go with it.

Let me quickly quote James Corden when I say that, “I was in for a shock,” and how much of that is an utter understatement.

Here is a short list of things I wish I knew before I involved myself in Tinder dating:

Everyone's intentions are different.

Every social network which requires or suggests some type of bio description is helpful in getting a glimpse of the person you’re considering virtually approaching. With Tinder, even though you may like the person, the feeling may not always be mutual. This means you may not always get a match. However, for the times in which you are matched with someone who likes you back, the intentions may be skewed. Some people are looking for love, others are looking for sex. If you’re looking for a mix of both, make sure you clarify that. If the person has no long-term intentions towards you, don’t lie to yourself and “see how it goes.”

Matches sometimes send unsolicited “DTF” messages.

Guys and girls sliding into your DMs might be flattering at times, but it all depends on the context. There’s a distinct difference between someone who is sweet and genuine versus that of someone who has no intention of knowing you first continuing to treat you like a sex object. You do not have an obligation to respond in any of these situations. This is, obviously, common sense. These are your proverbial predators. To put in perspective, notice how offended they get when you “don’t respond quickly” or that you’re not sending enough pics or won’t let him “see.” The clincher is that you don’t know this person and you’ve never met. If he wishes to admire provocative photos, there are plenty of free websites for that. Do not let these losers make you feel guilty. Do, however, call them out when they’re making you feel uncomfortable.

Do not link Instagram or post your Snapchat name.

I’m very guilty of doing this: Linking my Instagram and placing my Snapchat username in the bio description. I’m not saying to not share other social media platforms—they may be suited as better mediums of communication—but I think that the audience for this should definitely be limited. Sometimes people who haven’t matched with you will add you, you add them back, and your inbox gets flooded with a plethora of toxic masculinity-esque messages. I’m sure a lot of girls are familiar with this. My biggest pet peeve is being called a tease because of the things I love to wear and feel the most comfortable in; i.e. crop tops, sheer tops, bodysuits, shorts, etc. My fashion is edgy and it has always been that way. All of sudden, I’m being told what not to do and receive tons of backlash from people who aren’t even worth my time of day. Be selective in terms of who you give this information to. I’m always open to get to know new people, but not at the expense of my own dignity or peace of mind.

Ghosting

Ghosting is a pivotal part of the Tinder culture. It’s much more frequent on this social network application than any other one I’ve encountered. The definition of ghosting is cutting off all communication with absolutely zero warning. I think that a person should not succumb to being a coward and disappear into the abyss because they hate confrontation. Nobody should ever sit around wondering why they weren’t worth an explanation or reason.

Had I known all of these things, I wouldn't have to feel so defeated all the damn time. As soon as you come to terms with the fact that this is a form of modern-day flirtations, flings, and fun, it's easier to lower expectations and barriers. It can be whatever you want it to be. I've met some awesome people, but I've also encountered a lot of scumbags. Be careful with your feelings, with who you choose to open up to, and with who you let into your life spiritually and physically. Tinder can be very fun when it's safe and everything is laid out on the table.