The Suitcase

Dear Reader, I'm about to explore a concept with you that is both simple and complex, please bear with me as I do, as I think this is a subject worthy of examination.

Life is a journey. This concept is not new of course.

However, how often do we consider that even metaphorical journeys require some supplies to use along the way. When you take a trip to a tropical country, you back the things you're sure to need, a bathing suit, your tooth brush, sunscreen, your medications, your passport and so on. You'd hate to be without any of these when you need them. When you're a child and you journey to school, you take your books, your notepads and pencils, your lunch bag, your inhaler, your calculator...pretty much everything you need to ensure that your time at school goes as smoothly as possible. Show up without any of these things, like a calculator for math class, or your lunch, and your day is likely to be a struggle.

When you are born, you arrive in your life with a metaphorical suitcase. You were provided this suitcase at the time of your conception and over the course of your time on Earth you'll rely upon the items in your suitcase to help you move through your life's journey. The contents of your suitcase will be your tools and references to navigate your unique path. Every single one of us arrives into our own existence with a suitcase uniquely packed, no two of us will have the same journey, and no two of us will be equally equipped for the one we take.

And I want you to really let that fact set in for a minute.

No two people on this earth are packed the same, everyone carries with them a unique suitcase that they can utilize to get them through. And this my friends is a very important thing to bear in mind. We are global citizens, traveling this planet together, navigating our way through our lives in a perplexing state of being an individual with a unique purpose, path and suitcase, but also as a part of the larger collective, intertwined with the lives of others. Separate, but, not really.

I'd like to dive deeper into this with you. Lets consider the following together:

At the moment of your conception your metaphorical suitcase appears and it's very first contents go inside. When you're born life and the people in your life add to your case and ultimately it is a integral part of who you become and the life you live. So, what goes into your suitcase? Here is a non-exhaustive list:

• Your genetics
• Your family dynamics
• Your experiences
• Your education
• Your socioeconomic status
• Your relationships
• Your health (mental and physical)
• Your exposure to the world
• Your personal gifts
• Advantages and opportunities given to you by others
• Emotional experiences (the impact of rewards and punishments)
• Your sense of safety and security
• Your home
• Your access to important services

The list goes on and on.

You come into this world with just a few precious belongings and over the course of your life as you grow and become a part of the larger global community, more and more is added to it. Through experience, through education, and by way of relationships and interactions, we slowly build on what's inside our travelling bags, and we will access these things when needed to help make our way through good times and bad. We'll reach into our bags when we need to solve a problem, or make ourselves feel better in times of stress, or when we need to make a plan to get us from where we are to where we want to be.

Who packs our suitcases? The first person to contribute to your suitcase is your mother. By way of her preparedness to be your mother and her attitude toward your pregnancy, she's starting you off on your journey. Her contribution continues through the experience she has with her pregnancy. Is she well supported? Does she have access to good prenatal care? Does she feel well throughout? Is the experience positive and going according to plan or is she facing a difficult or uncertain outlook with her pregnancy? She, along with your father, also contribute your DNA, where some pretty significant items are added to your cache. Your basic health, intellectual capability, personality and overall heartiness are determined here. You might be just an itty-bitty ball of cells, but that suitcase of yours is filling up fast with some significant items. All of this impacts what gets put into your bag, it is what shapes you and determines your initial trajectory in life.

Then, you're born and more and more people and situations will come into your life and will add to your case. Who shares your home? What are the dynamics of your family? Do you parents get along? Do you have enough of what you need, such as food or clothes? Are you wealthy and experience having abundance or are you shaped by the experience of scarcity? Are you well accepted by your peers or do you feel isolated or ostracized? Is school easy for you or do you struggle? Are you a natural born artist or athlete or do you wonder if you have any gifts at all? Do you have a good circle of friends? Do you experience loving relationships or abuse? Are you in good health or do you experience disease and illness and their limitations.

This my friends is why no two people are on the same journey, see through the same lens, or have similarly packed suitcases. We're all so varied and complex, as are the bags we lug about with us, filled with tools, treasures and in many cases, burdens.

I invite you to consider your own life, and take a little mental inventory of what's in your own personal suitcase. Take your time, and be kind to yourself no matter it's contents, there's no right or wrong, just different, so don't get caught up in comparing your bag to your sibling or your friends or your nemesis if you have one. You don't need to wonder if they've got something you don't have, it's a given, they do. Save yourself the time of even thinking about it and rest assured that within your bag are items they also lack. It's fine. It's normal. It's how it is.

So, you might be wondering, what is my point? Why am I rambling on about our journeys and our suitcases and why do I want you to care that we're all packed differently? We'll, because, it matters a great deal when it comes to having insight into why our global neighbors, our friends, our family and even ourselves are the way we are. It's about human nature, psychology, insight and ultimately understand and acceptance of others.

We're in a fairly divisive time, World history is full of periods like this, where we're fixated on identifying and classifying people in to groups, such as "us and them" or "black and white" or "republican and democrat", "liberal and conservative", and ultimately "good and bad". We want to qualify people into sub-categories and this is generally based on what we think are the motives, abilities and deserving qualities of others. We size each other up using a standard based on our own ideals, understandings and experiences and often, without actually intending to, we treat people differently based on how much a person is "like us" or "not like us."

Based on my current line of work, I've been long wondering how to open a dialogue about good people and "bad people." I'll make a disclaimer right now that of course I realize that there are some genuine bad people in this world, but for the sake of this discussion, I'm not referring to those people. I'm a nurse working in corrections. I work primarily with men, who have obviously given their current residence (jail), have broken a societal law and some of who are struggling with addictions and mental health issues. I've noted that our society has a tendency to believe that jails are filled with "bad people", because of the belief that we've all been exposed to, that our actions are a direct reflection of our character and an indicator of our goodness.

I'd like to propose that this is a notion that needs debunking. We need to dismantle the outdated and destructive belief that only bad people do bad things and that people in our society who are on the fringes, who aren't behaving in accordance to what we think is acceptable or good, or people who are doing badly, do so because they are inherently bad people.

I want us to consider their suitcases.

Those who you don't understand, who you fear, who you judge harshly, who you are disappointed in, who you are angry with, pause for a moment and imagine the contents of their metaphorical traveling bag. Compare and contrast it against your own, and the bags of those who you consider "good" or successful or who are doing life right (by your standards).

You can tell so much about a person by what you find inside their suitcase. Heck, some of us don't even have as suitcase! Some have metaphorical backpacks, or paper sacks or even crumpled grocery bags.

Remember, while each of us absolutely can contribute to our luggage, by way of self care, education, therapy, responsibility, ect, we are largely not responsible for our suitcase, we arrived with it and much was added without our insight or consent.

Therefore, many of those so called "bad people", aren't truly bad, so much as they are ill equipped or under supplied. Or, perhaps their bags are packed full of burdens, which are heavy like bricks and that load is incredibly difficult to carry. Like when you're physically carrying a heavy load, carrying this emotional load is tiring, you get irritable, you want a break, you're not having a good time and it shows.

I think I could talk forever on his matter, especially when I consider the men in my care when I am at work, who are currently in a "time out" imposed by society for their actions, who have done "bad" things, and are often treated like they themselves are simply a physical embodiment of badness. But no, that's exactly how I'd like you to NOT see them, and why I started this ramble discussion on suitcases and good and bad people.

Bad actions do not equal bad people.

Different than me also doesn't equate to badness.

Success doesn't equal goodness.

We are not defined by our actions or our circumstances.

Being wealthy doesn't make a person "good", nor does being in a position of power.

Struggles, mistakes, and even criminal does not necessarily a "bad person" make.

I know you know this. But, it doesn't hurt to remind us all that each person is equipped for their journeys differently, carrying different skills, burdens, gifts, experiences, genetics, advantages, and socioeconomic status. Not to mention, occasionally a person will start off with something in their bag, but it gets lost, damaged, or forgotten along the way. Someone who's experienced a lot of trauma or struggle might find that those experiences knocked them down so hard their suitcase flew open and some resiliency fell out, or some ability to self sooth, or maybe they lost their insight. Here's where the first domino falls and their trajectory is altered.

Trauma/Struggle = Loss of resiliency = poor coping skills = self medicating with alcohol/drugs = impaired decision making = crime = still not a bad person. Just a person with a crappily packed suitcase who is desperately in need of someone to help them get stocked up on insight, coping skills, and healing. Am I making any sense? I sure hope so.

In this divisive and tense times where we might unwittingly get swept up into making passive judgement of others based on sex, race, religion, political affiliation and what conspiracy theories you subscribe to, I would encourage us all to consider the suitcases of others, and why what's inside matters, a lot.

Thank you for your consideration of this rambling brain child of mine.

All the best!