The Silent Lover.

@muzammilgooljar

Sometimes we are unable to express our feelings, our emotions or even we try so hard to avoid and deny what our heart wants. It will take a thousand years for a silent lover to express his or her love to someone, they will at all cost shut their mouths, swallowed their emotions down to their throats making sure no one noticed it. Maybe fear of rejection, fear of embarassment, fear of society or even " what will people think?" In this world full of cruelty, how can we tell someone we love them?

Here is a small story of a love that could never be expressed.

Deep inside his heart, he knew, his emotions have englobed his mind. fearing of what will the person thinks, he did not open his heart, let out his feelings. Instead, he stopped, pondered, cried, laughed, stared at himself in the broken mirror and finally said ; "He will think i am a fool", while his emotions felt the overwhelming need to be out, he fought to keep them confined in his throat, dying in his heart and piling up like the pressure in a cooker. The more he tried to keep fighting his emotions, the more he became a dead soul inside.

The first time they met was on a cool breezy afternoon at the school's canteen, he smiled first and the silent lover knew his heart could not handle such a cute smile. He blushed, while the other looked away totally unaware of the damage he has just caused to his heart. He learnt about fairytales, love stories written by various writers. While he was trying to write his own story of love, he did not he will write about silent suffering, unending pain and the process of killing oneself slowly inside. He kept trying hard.

The process of trying and coping is really hard, it almost seems like a long path strutted with vicious thorns ready to cunsume. But, what can he do more than trying? the world eats mindlessly like a greedy creature, it eats and eats up until we are rendered to mere pieces. He trusted his peers, he told them everything, some cared and hugged him, while others made as if he was just telling a story near the campfire, to keep them entertained. Well, we can't blame them, they do not know the pain of swallowing bullets and smiling at the same time.

He could not understand the matters of the heart, he was lost, innocent, left out in a world of stereotypes. Alas! he was a victim of the way people thinks in his country, how could he express his love to someone who would never listen? Someone who will hug a bunch of girls at a party, but will not notice the love of someone else? Someone who thinks just like the others, trying not to step out of the box. How can a love survive in a place full of madness, full of common thinking? He would sit some metres away from him, not trying to catch his attention and would stare at him. His heart screamed, his mind exploded, his eyes became flowing rivers. Still, he could not notice, how could he notice? Maybe he was so busy talking with someone else that he couldn't notice or even felt something. They say when we love someone else, the person already knows. Is it true? how can it be true, if we are not heard, or emotions can not spark out the imagination of being loved. Why do we feel the prevailing pain always growing stronger?

The silent lover sits with cup of coffee in his hand, trying always trying to keep his emotions inside, wiping his tears. He continues to stare at chairs, the melted ice-cream in his cup, the coffee which is no longer hot. He has become a void human being.