The Sakura Tree

They decided to sing Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.

That way, Grandpa Tom, whom I’d never met before today, could sing too. He was once in a barbershop quartet; she told Grandpa Tom they’d follow his lead, Natalie on fiddle and Melissa echoing his deep, base-like voice with a crystal-clear high-tune.

Swing low, swing low Melissa echoed in Tom’s wake, sweet chariot, they completed together. And the sound carried all around me like a lover’s embrace, each tune and letter gentle.

I looked back at you, and found everyone, all nine viewers, singing softly along with Melinda and Tom. It was quiet so as not to overshadow their performance, but their voices joined in a whirlwind of melodic whispers.

Your eyes met mine, and for a few moments, you were singing to me.

You were singing to me.

If you get there before I do, tell all my friends I’m coming too.

Coming for to carry me home.

In a flash, I saw every decision that had led us here, to this singular moment. Every missed opportunity, every stolen moment, stretching to infinity in the few feet that remained between us.

A million alternate realities presented themselves like a swatch of ink thrown to ruin an already beautiful painting. The songs you sang me, the feeling of your skin touching mine, the pieces of your heart I spent months piecing back together, all those walks in the icy winter air as we understood our positions and ourselves… For three painful moments, they all never happened.

This beautiful moment, this family created not by blood, was never a part of my life.

Shattering the illusion, your voice cheery as a songbird drew me back.

Sometimes I’m up, sometimes I’m down…

But still my soul feels heavenly bound.

Coming for to carry me home.

*******

Three months ago, my partner of eight years abandoned me. A month ago, the woman you thought you would spend the rest of your life with got married to someone else without fully cutting ties from you.

I cried every night; you watched the livestream of her getting married again, and again, and again.

We had no hearts to claim for ourselves, only shards and pieces that littered the floor between. Your eyes held mine. Infinity stretched in front of us, and infinitesimally remained between us.

Played again and again through me was you, the most beautiful creature I’d ever seen. And with each replay, I coveted you more, each reset feeding the previous, each new addition scorching my indecision more and more.

Until I had none left.

Hello future. It’s Monique. From here, I’ll take the reins.

I reached out to you.

I love you.

I’ve always loved you.

And you planted a seed in response.

Let’s see what grows here.

The first time my skin touched yours, I knew my flesh had been waiting my whole life to feel yours. Every hair reached towards you, soft and warm, smooth and gentle, every inch of your skin that touched mine asked consent but begged for more. In your arms, I found a tiny home, just big enough to hide my wounded heart.

I picked up a fragment of your heart.

Take things slow, don’t rush into it. They whispered. Don’t promise anything, be smart about this.

And holding that piece of you in my hands, I looked you in the eye. I made a decision.

I will help you pick up every single one of these pieces. I’ll put them back together.

You scoffed. You don’t mean that. But even as you told me so, you watered the budding plant between us, sat by it and watched it grow.

I’ll put them all back together.

You loved like a caged butterfly, and I’m sure I did, too. We were fragile, we were frightened, but we were pure and transparent with our feelings—no matter how messy they were. Hidden in a little box where things felt safest was where our hearts existed. But being with you always felt right.

That’s because it is right. You told me. It is right.

A hurricane existed in the infinity that surrounded us, but within the eye was us, and in the space between us was infinitesimally.

One day, a week. A month.

Don’t give up, for the poison runs deep.

Put your back in it, we’ll fix this somehow.

Six months came and went.

Hang in there. Be with me now if it’s too painful to think about the future.

I promise, I’ll always be here for you.

Then comes a year.

What do you want for our anniversary?

All I want is to hear you sing for me.

And for me, you sang Stay Young, Go Dancing.

Lost in a maze of a thousand rainy days, but when I heard her voice, oh it led me to the end… yes, it led me to the end.

My darling, you are exactly who I thought you were, that first day that I saw you eleven years ago: you are the most beautiful creature I’ve ever laid eyes on.

A million other universes, a billion decisions made. But here I stand with you, my partner, my darling.

Flourishing from the tiny seed you laid within the Earth came a grand and hearty Sakura tree. Two years later, we laid our tired hearts to rest, complete at last, shattered no more, within the tree’s protective boughs and listened to the wind howl around us.

Thank you for accepting me exactly as I am.

And the same to you, my love.

Through winter’s advancing,

We’ll stay young, go dancing,

Stay young, go dancing.