The Road To Happiness In Marriage

It is a well known fact that divorce is a lot less problematic when there aren't any children involved. You just split everything down the middle and go your separate ways. End of story. However, bring kids into the equation and everything changes, for the worst.

Children get hurt, not least of all when they are used as unwitting pawns in a case of parental alienation. For a peaceful life they feel they have to make a choice, but it is always a choice that comes at a very high personal cost.

Fortunately, at least in the immediate aftermath of my divorce, I did manage to keep the contact going with my three children from my first marriage. The mother did many time try to keep us apart, but I always managed to keep than under control, either by resort to the law or by putting the mother in a difficult to say no position. Like for example buying airline tickets for the children to visit me before the mother could say no to the visit.

Of course, that continuing relationship I managed to keep going was dependant upon me keeping schtum about lay behind the split. My remaining silent all those years was my idea due to the fact that I did not want them to get hurt in their childhood. At the back of my mind was the idea that one day I would divulge all, a time when they were mature adults and better able to deal with the awfulness of what had happened. I personally had nothing to hide, which was more than I could say about my ex. However, she enjoyed the protection of my silence on the matter every bit as much as our three children did. In the end I decided that I would never say anything even when they were grown up as it all seemed so pointless. That was until.......

My two daughters, by this time in their mid twenties, went to visit me in the south of Spain and brought along a friend. In the spring preceding their en-mass visit my youngest daughter had spent almost three months living with me and we had a truly lovely time together. Returning with her elder sister and a friend at the end of the summer seemed to transform my sweet and lovely young daughter quite dramatically for the worse.

I think a lot of it was down to each of my two daughters were out to show how they could all have a girls laugh at my expense by taking the piss out of me. That in itself was no problem, it wasn't the first time kids had resorted to using me for a laugh at my expense. However, this time it all went too far and got a lot more insulting and personal.

First off my youngest daughter for no good reason at all started to call me homophobic, which I most definitely am not, and even said it would serve me right if my young eight year old son from my second marriage turned out to be gay. This then became "He probably already is gay Dad, how do you feel about that huh?" What pissed me off was not the comment itself, but the intention to piss me off on a false premise.

One day whilst we were out and an about we saw a woman I knew who was openly lesbian, which of course I had no problem with. But my daughter started to mock the woman by referring to her as 'That dirty old lezzer.' So much for me being the homophobic one. From there things just got worse.

One night we all went out for a drive to the coast to have some pizza in a really nice pizzeria, just on top of the rocky promenade. All day the three girls were chatting about what good looking people the Spanish are and were pointing out various handsome men and beautiful woman. I had to agree. In fact, whilst we were sat at our table waiting for our pizza I caught sight of a woman about thirty something years old and incredibly attractive. I made the big mistake if you can call it that, of pointing the woman out and saying something like "Hey, there's another young beauty right there girls." My young daughter was the first to respond in a disapproving tone.

"Dad, stop perving will you, she's too young for you."

"I'm sorry, but first she's older than you realise, two I am so not perving. You lot have spent all day making similar comments. How come when I join in it's all of a sudden perving?"

"You don't see Doreen doing that."

"Doreen? Who's Doreen and what exactly don't you see her doing?"

"Mum. You don't see mum perving young girls."

That infuriated me so much I had to bite my lip to stop myself from ruining our meal out. However, I was determined that I would have my say on that subject in private when we got back home.

The rest of the evening went peacefully enough, apart from the friend who felt emboldened to join in their girly fun by taking the piss out of me.

"How long did it take you to learn to speak Spanish Liam?" said friend.

"About a year or so, though to be as fluent as I am now it probably took about two to three years."

"Ha, I am so much smarter than you, and you being old, I'd probably manage it in a couple of months." came back the cocky reply. I was not impressed by this young madam, not least of all since she had come to spend a month in my home and didn't offer a cent towards her keep or even so much as offer to wash the dishes after I had cooked all there meals for them. That's gratitude from an entitled brat if you could call it that.

Back at home, as soon as we walked in I asked the madam to give me a few minutes in private with my two daughters and sent her to the furthest part of my four bed apartment as possible. I closed the kitchen door and tore into my daughters.

"Ok, you two little smart arses, it's time for you to know one or two things about me and your mother. For a start, your mother did not just perve, she frequently screwed around with all manner of young people both male and female. In fact...." I went on to my youngest daughter "......you yourself caught your mother having sex, writhing and moaning and groaning with a female neighbour stark bollock naked on the living room floor when you were just five years old. Perhaps you forgot, she called it 'personal body exercises' when you asked her what she was up to. That is what caused the break up of our family. So don't you dare ever call me a perve nor compare me unfavourably to your mother ever again."

That was it, the cat was out of the bag. Had I gone too far? I have thought about that a few times and I have decided I would defend my honour as a father and decent human being all over again if I had to.

The rest of the holiday, what was left of it, was subdued to say the least. In fact, at the airport where I dad taken them to catch their flight, I got a very strong sense that I would never hear from them ever again. As it happens that is pretty much what happened.

In the weeks that followed one or two emails flew between us with me trying to explain my position all to no avail. My daughters virtually accused me of trying to put them on a guilt trip and made it clear that they did not want to hear any more about their mother and it was no longer any of my business what she got up to. That was a strange last comment since I had long lost any interest in what their mother got up too many years before and had made a point of never asking. As for what she got up to in the past, I had been quite happy to keep quiet on that matter until they started on me.

That was all well over ten years ago and I have not heard from either of my two daughters since. To them she is 'The best mum in the world' and a saint to boot. Me? I don't really know what they think about me and I am not really interested to know any more. I guess it's a case of how we always shoot the messenger.

I did hear from Facebook that my younger daughter got married and of course, I wasn't invited let alone told. I could be a grandfather, I really wouldn't know. Maybe if my daughters do ever have children and get treated in the shambolic way I was they will understand where I was coming from. It is truly amazing how the victim is always seen as somebody with issues and is castigated because of that very unfair perception. And at the same time, the main protagonist sails off into the sunset with a pretence of innocence that quite beggars belief. Whatever, I view the situation very much as their loss not mine. I'm over it and have a very satisfying and fulfilling life, not to mention a faithful and loving new wife, and these days that is all I ask for.