The Risk For Love

5 years ago...

I started a journey of uncertainty. A lack of maturity. I was naive and gullible. I wanted so badly to believe every soul was good to me. Giving the benefit of the doubt to anyone who crossed my path.

But, through all the risks I took, one threw me 6 states away from home into a whole new world of faces. All for one person I love dearly to this day.

I was married, 2 years of playing the savior and trying to fix a man that never understood my needs... He had cheated on me, prior to our marriage, and I should've known better. But I took a risk, eventually realizing I couldn't ever trust him... I started running around feeling like a maniac because I wanted to constantly keep tabs on where he was... what he was doing... knowing everything about every friend he had.

Those 2 years were harsh, but they taught me what I wouldn't settle for. And what the worst part of myself was like, and why I would never act that way again.

I left him and moved in with a friend, 2 months in after my separation I started dating again. Throughout this time I was also playing a few games online for social interaction. (I'm a natural introvert).

One of the games I played paired me up with a man that ended up being the one person I constantly talked to.

He gave me advice. Listened to me about my relationship issues. At the time he was just some random stranger online I could talk to about everything, as much as I loved talking to him, I didn't even know his name yet.

2 weeks into talking and getting to know each other more, I barely fell asleep with him on the phone as I heard him say "You know... I think I love you"

The next day, he messaged me and asked.

"Why don't you come live with me?"

I was reading that sentence over and over again...What?

I knew he lived 6 states away, but after talking some more about it... He had already paid for the ticket.

All I had to do was say yes.

I talked to my friend about everything, and along with her, everyone called me insane to even think of agreeing to it.

I have never left my home state, never flew on a plane.

But something kept pushing me to say yes. Just say yes.

Well...I asked him multiple questions, he kept reassuring me everything would be okay, I could bring the majority of my things with me. (My friend was okay keeping the rest until I could come back and get them).

So the day came... I made the decision to go. I told him yes.

I asked my friend to drive me and she agreed to it (still thinking I'm crazy but trusting my judgment). As I got to the airport I said my heartfelt goodbye's and went inside the airport for the first time.

As crazy as everything was, I made it through and finally got on the plane safe and sound...riding that high in the sky was so different... I've only ever been used to seeing it in photos online. I was amazed.

We landed and I had another flight to go... but there was a 5 hour layover. I just grabbed some food and waited.

All that time I was messaging the guy, I was scared. I was scared of the fact that this may be a kidnapping, a cat fisher, maybe even a human trafficking thing? Second plane came in, I got on and the next few hours I decided to nap from overthinking and exhaustion.

I arrived at the last airport. 6 states away from home. Everything felt so real and crazy to me now.... What the heck am I doing?

But as I was getting my bags and walking down the steps I saw him...

He looked at me and started coming over.

Should I run?

No.

He walked right up to me and grabbed my hand. And all he said was...

"Lets go home"

I hugged him and we packed my bags and got in his car. It was a 2 hour drive that was spent with more talking about what was going to happen and that if I needed anything to let him know.

This risk was scary, but it was the best risk in my life. As desperate as I may have been to get in another relationship at the time I can definitely say I'm glad I made the decision I did.

2 years later I'm happily in a relationship with a random guy I met online.

But... Would I do it again with the knowledge I have now? Absolutely not.

Be safe out there guys. Take care